TRISH'S DISHES

Moving Day!

2011-11-09T12:40:00.007-05:00

It's time for a big, fun adventure!

A few months ago, I was asked if I'd be interested in blogging for Patheos.com. As someone digs new possibilities, I was intrigued.

I thought about the #1 thing I've loved about this blog for the past 5 years: the unexpected CONNECTIONS I've made with so many of you. Some of us have met in person; we've exchanged emails and encouragement; we've even swapped advice on everything from books to dating to picking out the right new hairdryer. I love you guys! *big hug!* And so I said yes to the move. I hope we can take our friendships over to the new blog, and meet more amazing people.

My new blog is called A Maze of Grace. It's a little bare-bones right now...like I've just moved in. So if you were to come by and leave me a comment, it would be the cyber-equivalent ringing the front door with a hug & a pie, and asking, "Can I help you unpack?"

I'll also be contributing to a group blog called What She Said, which should be a blast...and raise some interesting conversations.

THANK YOU for being part of Trish's Dishes...whether I know you stop by (because you've commented, or emailed, or told me in person) or you lurk. I'm excited for the next chapter, and I hope you'll (to push this metaphor right out to the very edge) turn the page with me.

The next step

2011-11-08T09:51:00.005-05:00

I just finished reading a book called THE HEALING. I think it's going to be a big deal when it comes out early next year, and for good reason. Comparisons to THE HELP are well founded.

It's a story set mostly in the time of slavery, and it speaks of how story can shape generations of people and, when revealed anew, can change how each of us sees ourselves. I know that sounds rather grand and philosophical, but it's true. Think of the stories that define your family, both the good ones and the ones about hard times or difficult choices: they influence you in ways you probably don't think all that much about. But there they are, shaping things.

In the back of the book, there's a special section written by the author, a white man, describing how he came to feel so passionately about race relations and the particular sort of stories he wanted to tell. My favorite line is this: "I have discovered the truth in the old saying, 'Facts can explain us, but only story will save us.' If you want to destroy a people, destroy their story. If you want to empower a people, give them a narrative to share."

Think about your story today, and how it's shaping you. Then consider: what is the next step to move your story forward, in a direction you'll be excited to live and will add to the larger narrative? Now remember the mighty penguin from this post awhile back, and take the step :)

(How's THAT for big thoughts on a Tuesday morning?!?)

Checking in :)

2011-11-02T19:58:00.005-05:00

It's a BUSY week. But fun busy (as opposed to desperately dreaming of tropical islands busy).

I had a 22 hour writing retreat yesterday. It was bare bones: me, my laptop, a hotel room (we had a coupon for one free night that was about to expire), lots of coffee, and a giant bag of pistachio nuts to snack on. You wouldn't think you could accomplish all that much in less than a full day (if you sleep), but it was incredibly (astonishingly) productive. I lose sight of how much time the little things--THAT DOG, dishes, laundry, email--eat up during the course of a normal day. It was great to escape from real life for a tiny slice of time and just focus. Highly recommended if you want to dig into a writing project but aren't sure how to get going. Everyday opportunities & distractions are so much easier to write around once I have some momentum. Speaking of which...

Tomorrow I'll be back at Wheaton (my awesome alma mater) for a full day of fun.

In the morning, I get to guest teach a creative non-fiction class. Then I'll spend the afternoon huddled in the library (thanking God I'm not still frantically prepping for the LSAT--the last time I spent significant time in that building) & frantically typing words to keep up with day 3 of National Novel Writing Month. I spent this afternoon with my laptop at the hairdressers, head covered in tinfoil as my highlights set, so working at the library will feel comparatively tame. Perhaps I should look for a more interesting place to work?

Tomorrow evening, I'll be giving a workshop in conjunction with the campus career center called How To Tell Your Story, showing students how to use principles of memoir writing (narrative structure, conflict, happy endings) to craft personal statements, handle tough questions in job interviews, and even get to know potential romantic interests. I have a complicated illustration planned, involving several feet of wire, a bunch of index cards, and a whole slew of wooden mini-clothespins I've color coded with magic markers. It will either be incredibly fun and inspiring...or I'll end up in a tangled heap. My idea of living on the edge :)

Win Pug Hill!

2011-10-31T18:39:00.005-05:00

I love this book. Pug Hill is the story that introduced me to Alison Pace's writing. I thought I'd like her in person when I read this book (and was increasingly certain we had BFF potential once I read her other books). But then when I ACTUALLY met her in person--at a NYC roundtable for authors on Twitter--I learned that she's even more fantabulous than her characters...and that's saying something. We bonded over her description of a "peculiar Clumber Spaniel" in one of her stories, and now she sends me pictures of Clumbers whenever she sees them plodding around Manhattan, because alas, I've never seen one here.

So today on Trish's Dishes we're celebrating the release of the mass-market paperback edition (translation: fits into pockets and small purses!) of Pug Hill. And YOU CAN WIN A COPY! Signed by Alison! She will even personalize it to say...well, whatever you come up with that you'd like to have her write about. She has lovely handwriting, so if you'd like her to spell out her philosophy on puppy training, or why she uses a certain type of leash for her dog Carlie, or even how she keeps her hair so shiny...ask away!

To win:
Leave a comment below & tell us: If you could have any type/breed of dog in the world, what would it be?

You will LOVE this story :)

Lessons learned (in a bunch of bars!)

2011-10-30T20:04:00.007-05:00

It snowed this weekend! Not typical weather for October in Cambridge. Even THAT DOG looked at me this morning with a, Surely, you're kidding expression when her paws sunk down into the slushy mush that was all over the yard. Church was canceled due to downed power lines the next town over, so we had an unexpected, fab day of lounging on the couch, reading, and watching TV.

We spent the later part of the afternoon watching a marathon of a show I'd never seen before called Bar Rescue. Oh, how I LOVE this show! An expert comes into a failing bar and works with the owner & staff to turn things around. It's an amazing example of the power of business savvy & being teachable.

We all get into ruts in life where we don't see what we're doing that holds us back. This show illustrates the power of having outside expert eyes coming into help. It's just like working with an editor, or a nutritionist, or Stacy & Clinton on What Not To Wear. Our human tendency is to defend what we've always done, justifying the status quo. If we give into that base instinct, we miss out and we don't grow. But if we can squelch our ego for just a few minutes, LISTEN and LEARN, it can change the course of everything we do from that moment on.

This happened for me in the editing of my first book. When my contract deadline came, I was confident that what I handed my editor was the (brilliant, genius) best I could do. Then... my editor SCHOOLED me on literary structure, showing me how to take the lump of raw, doughy story I'd handed her and shape it into a fully baked narrative. I could have balked, and fought, and remained stubbornly certain of how perfectly I'd captured every moment. But I didn't. I listened, revised/rewrote almost every page, and drafted a couple of entirely new chapters. It was hard work, and demoralizing at first. I didn't have it going on nearly as much as I'd thought. But...

I've been thankful ever since that I sucked it up, listened, learned, and put in the effort to change. The book is SO much better...and now I understand writing in an entirely different way. A worthwhile squelching of my ego :)

Have you ever had this happen?

Does shivering count as exercise?

2011-10-27T10:09:00.003-05:00

Okay blogsphere...talk me out of the madness:

It is ARCTIC COLD here in Cambridge. And yet I can't bring myself to turn on the heat because every year I have this strange goal of waiting until November 1st. As if that's a THING for which one gets a metal or something.

It's not. No one--not one single person, including my mother (who has had her heat on for days already) cares if I shiver and freeze until November 1st. And yet I feel like I'd be failing if I turned that little dial from "unspeakably cold" on up to "okay to take your jacket off inside."

WHAT GIVES?

And why don't I feel similar anxiety over missing my more important goals? You know, the one about running enough miles on the treadmill that I fit into that certain pair of jeans? Or the one about writing 300 words per day? Clearly, I need a perspective alignment of some sort...like a tune up on a car, where they make sure your tires are all pointing in the same direction...and that the chosen direction is FORWARD, not off to the side.

I'm going down to turn the heat on RIGHT NOW. I'm not ashamed...I'm not ashamed...
Am I the only one with ridiculous non-goal goals like this?

Juggling

2011-10-26T08:35:00.004-05:00

Yesterday in the comments, the lovely Sarakastic claimed that she can't juggle batons. To which I respond: It's not that you can't...it's just that life hasn't given you enough opportunities to try!

I looked online for a good baton juggling tutorial (I was planning all sorts of helpful tips, like how the ends of the baton should never come flying toward your face). But instead I found this video, which is worth at least 1,000 words.

This is a girl who competed at the World Championship level. She's amazing! And yet right in the beginning of the routine, she drops 2 of her 3 batons. Now, if you've never dropped a baton, here's the thing: they don't just lie there, waiting for you. They ROLL. And if you drop 2, they roll in opposite directions, and you have to CHASE THEM. (It's like life, that way). So this girl chases her batons all across the floor...really, there's no graceful way to do that (trust me). But then--rather than racing off to the locker room in shame, she smiles and gets back to work, winging those batons in the air like it's no big deal. Now, confession: I've always thought that the move where you rolling the baton around on your shoulders with your head look a bit like you're having a seizure... but when everything is in the air where it belongs? Masterful! Check it out:

Uniquely Suited

2011-10-25T08:45:00.006-05:00

So the hacking woes continue...but I'm not losing my cool. I've set up a new email account, so if you'd like to reach me, try TrishRyanAuthor AT gmail DOT com. Eventually I'll set up a non-gmail account, but this should stem the tide of disaster for now!

On a funner note (and yes, I claim "funner" as a viable, if awkward, word), I read this question yesterday, and I've been pondering ever since:

What about God am I most uniquely suited to reveal to others?

It came from a book called To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future. I'm about halfway through, and there are tons of equally provocative questions. But I think this one might be most important.

My answer came almost immediately: I'm uniquely suited to reveal that God wants to bring us to happily ever after. But (caveat!) we get there on His terms, not ours.

This was a real "aha" moment for me. There are five different writing projects I've been trying to juggle for the past year or so. I can't juggle anything but batons, so I pretty much dropped them all, and have spent the past few months picking them up one by one to reacquaint myself and inspect the damage. In other words: lots of wondering, very little progress.

But as I look at each project through the lens of what I'm uniquely suited to do, three are clearly more in the "hobby" category--fun, but not compelling--whereas the other two seem to have "NOW" stamped across the front in a way that wasn't true before. This is exciting stuff, and it all came from a couple of minutes spent with one question.

Write it down

2011-10-24T08:02:00.003-05:00

I've read two memoirs in the last week or so (this one and this one). They have me thinking about the power of writing down our stories (even if we don't want to publish them). Not so we can MAKE something happen, necessarily. More that life goes a little better when we remember.

One of the unexpected benefits of writing He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not and A Maze of Grace is that they remind me of how uniquely (and bizarrely!) my life has unfolded. These stories are real. They lay out the details of all these unexpected collisions between me & God, and how synching up with him has kept things moving along at a rather breathtaking pace ever since. And because I wrote it all down, I have no business whining, "Waaaa...God must have lost my file!" (although, of course, I do). Skimming a few of those pages, I'm forced to concede that life looks very different in the big, aerial view than it does in the narrow bit of each day that I see.

And these pages protect me against the false-security of a 10 year plan, because really: who could have planned any of this?

My point? YOU should write things down, too! Even if you think your life is dull right now, I'll go out on a limb and say: It might be dull, but it's meaningful. Things that seem unimportant now might be key aspects later to a mystery you'll want to unfold, or a progression so subtle you didn't even see it happening.

Do you keep a journal?

Friday: Stuff! and Things!

2011-10-21T08:09:00.008-05:00

I'm back from yesterday's adventures, happy to see that we've all kept our new superhero identities to ourselves...It's enough that YOU know you have special powers that will be used at IMPORTANT MOMENTS to help FIGHT BAD GUYS and SAVE INNOCENT PEOPLE! Until then, we should all practice getting in & out of our costumes. And the flying...it's harder than it looks ;)

A few "share the love" links to send us into the weekend:

A TV show I'm loving: Prime Suspect, starring Maria Bello. Her character is nuanced and uber faux-tough...she does a stellar job with it. And the writing is so good that I'm swept right into the plot, hanging on every line of dialogue. There are fantastic moments of snark woven into unexpected moments--kudos to the writers.

2 books I'm excited to read: This weekend will have an unintentional grief theme, as two books I requested weeks ago from the library came in at the same time: The Grief of Others by Leah Hager Cohen, and Closure: the Rush to End Grief and What it Costs Us by Nancy Berns. (I'll follow this up with a Jerseylicious marathon to keep things from getting too serious!)

A blog post I appreciated: Novelist Allison Winn Scotch had some good thoughts about writer's block this week. Two things she said struck me. First: "I know myself well-enough to know that I have a decent work ethic, and if I truly cannot bring myself to get excited and/or motivated to write, I probably need to give myself a break." And second: "Whenever I find my manuscript flagging, I find that the best kick in the pants is to throw a major obstacle at my characters. A break-up, a job loss, some sort of emotionally devastating event, etc. If you write this, you are thus forced to write MORE because you have to figure out a way to resolve the problem." Simple, wise, true. Love it! I'm dreaming up some thoughts for next week on how this applies to memoir.

Have a great weekend!

Something to do on a Thursday

2011-10-20T06:13:00.004-05:00

I'm leaving town on an adventure this morning (that does not involve either Madrid or an email scam asking you all for money), so no new blog until I return. Until then, what are YOU doing today?

Need ideas? How about, if you don't have anything else exciting planned, become a SUPERHERO!?!

Instructions to the left :)

Hacked: the upside

2011-10-19T08:16:00.005-05:00

My gmail account was hacked last night, wiping out my inbox & sending a message to everyone I've ever known detailing an "urgent & unannounced trip to Madrid" in which I "encountered some difficulty." Apparently, Western Union is the best way to send money to help.

Argh.

The irony is, just yesterday I was reading a book that mentioned how the Bible encourages us to rejoice always, pray continuously, and give thanks in all circumstances. I was going to blog about this, asking how it goes for you if you've tried it, admitting that it's something I struggle with when things get hard. I'm never sure if I'm supposed to give thanks FOR the difficult things in life, or thank God for the assurance that somehow (even if I can't understand it) He is working things out for good and I can trust that. (As one person told me, "God's will is what we would choose if we knew all the facts.")

I didn't get to write that blog. I had to deal w/the hacking: a year of emails deleted, my account compromised, the gmail help page saying, "So sorry...there's not much we can do." It was as if some vile form of evil out there was laughing, saying "Let's see her give thanks in THIS!"

But then (I'm learning that with God, there's usually a "but then...") I started getting emails...and text messages...and DMs on Twitter...from friends near & far, telling me I'd been hacked. Many included little updates on how they're doing: one has written a book, another said this reminded him to pray for me, and I even scheduled a long-overdue lunch with a third. Such fun in the midst of resetting my password and trying to recover what was lost (then realizing I can't: it's lost).

The Bible says that when vile evil intends things for our harm, God will find a way to use those circumstances for good. This morning is a fun, vivid reminder of that for me--reconnection with friends, gratitude that I'm not lost & penniless in Madrid...it's been a much "bigger" morning than I anticipated. I'm praying...thankful...and rejoicing. All before breakfast. Who knew such a thing was possible?

Write a book in a year: the not-so-secret formula

2011-10-18T08:56:00.006-05:00

I'm preparing to lead a writing retreat in December (this one is a private event for a group, but for those of you who've expressed interest, I'm working on dates & locations for a retreat that will be open to all, hopefully early next year).

Part of my preparation is thinking about TIME: how, when we take on a project of some magnitude (and I can say from experience that that writing a book is a PROJECT OF SOME MAGNITUDE) we need to carve out time to pursue it. Intentionally--not just in a hap-hazard, I'll get around to it at some point kind of way. There's a cost to pursuing any big goal.

Before Steve and I were married, I lived with a roommate who decided to train for the Boston Marathon. (She called her quest, "From the couch to the finish line!" because up to that point, the joke went, she'd only ever run to the fridge for a beer). Winters are dark & cold in Boston, and yet every night after work...and way too many Saturday mornings...she headed out to run, building up her mileage so she'd be ready for the big day. Ironically, the day of the marathon was unseasonably hot, so after four months of training in sub-zero weather, she sweated out her 26.2 miles in 92 degree glaring sun. But she did it. (Then she had a beer!)

For writers, our training looks a little different. We have to write. We build up pages, not miles. But if we don't do the day-to-day work, we don't even make it to the starting line. You can gimp through a marathon without training...but you can't fake a book. It's the one thing (other than being from Maine) I have in common with Stephen King: we both have to write our books, word by word. The adage about butt-in-chair/words-on-page is universal.

I have a post-it on my screen reminding me of the basic logistics of writing a book. It's from 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think, where the author boils it down to this:

If you want to write a book in 1 year, you need approximately 75,000 words.
If you write for 50 of the 52 weeks, that's 1500 words/week, or 300 words/day.
In other words, totally doable.

Of course, if you're a memoirist, there's the pesky problem of needing to wait for each section of your story to unfold, if it hasn't already. But for the most part, anyone can do this.

And yet so often, we don't. If writing a book is one of your dreams, consider:
What would it look like for you to add "Write 300 words" to your to do list every day, in the category of things like teeth-brushing and food consumption where you don't go to bed until it's checked off?

Might be a fun experiment :)

What I learned at NEIBA

2011-10-17T07:11:00.005-05:00

What an inspiring weekend! I'm a little giddy, just thinking about it. The highlight I want to share with you is from my first trip to the New England Independent Booksellers Association Fall Conference. NEIBA is a three-day event where indie booksellers get together to learn, grow their businesses, and think about coming trends & how to serve readers well. It's a celebration of loving books, appreciating the value of stories, and understanding the feeling of possibility we have when we plunk down our cash searching for something (entertainment, hope, new perspective, education...) in words someone has written on a page.

(Searching for a picture to go w/this post, I found these words from Boston Book Bums, describing last year's conference: "books are a fascinating beast. They are both solitary and communal. They are personal yet commercial at heart. We often read alone, in a vacuum, yet are eager to share and talk about our beloved books in groups. Yet the chance to really socialize, to branch out in a “uber-book” environment is what makes expos like NEIBA...so wonderful. Gatherings are the social flesh and blood hub of writers, publishers, agents, buyers, sellers and readers... One cannot plant a seed without going into the field." Exactly!)

Friday, I went into the field! I'm not a bookseller (although I'd love to be, even in these strange times!) so I went as a blogger/book reviewer the third day, to the expo-style event where publishing houses set up displays to share advance copies and build buzz about their new titles. And what I experienced there was so wonderful: the book world working the way it's meant to. Here's what I mean...

At each publisher's table, I introduced myself as a blogger who likes to review mostly memoirs and upmarket women's fiction. At the first table, I was given two books that seemed like good fits. The second table was Hachette (my publisher), and I must admit that I was thrilled when the sales rep saw my name badge and said, "Wait...you're one of our authors...you're family!" But I got more than a nice "atta girl" from that table. After the rep graciously handed me a big bag for books and said, "You'll need this!" something his colleague said (I don't remember exactly what?) prompted me to change my question. I said to the them: "Never mind what I usually read and review. What are YOU super excited about this season? Tell me about it!"

This change of question led to a fun conversation there, and at every table...and the most bizarre array of new reading material I could possibly imagine. For those of you who enjoy book recommendations/reviews, we've got a wild ride ahead! And I met some of the neatest people, including one woman who I've known via Twitter for months (we both kept saying, "I know you from somewhere...but where???")

I left with that Hachette bag FILLED with books...and a sense that my world had expanded.

So TODAY I'm wondering: what can this teach me about the other interactions in my life? I tend to look for commonalities--points of connection--with people I meet. But what if I simply asked, "What are you super excited about right now? Tell me about it..." and waited to see where that took us?

Friday: Share the Lie!

2011-10-13T16:33:00.003-05:00

Brilliant author Laura Zigman shared this video via FB, and I ordered the book immediately. I am FASCINATED by this...especially since watching it reminded me of a moment from this past weekend, when I noticed that I was shaking my head "no" to something while giving a positive response. I was telling the truth (I think!?!) The question was whether I'd been to a restaurant before, and I had, so I said yes...and yet, according to this video, such a discrepancy between what you say & your body language is one of the top indicators of lying.

Again...fascinating!

If this author is right--and I suspect that she is--we're hardwired to lie. How do we handle this? And what do we do when we suspect someone else is lying?
(I'm filing this post under "deep thoughts for a Friday"!)

Book Fun in Beantown

2011-10-13T08:32:00.005-05:00

This week is a CORNUCOPIA of literary fun here in New England!

Tonight, Tayari Jones, author of Silver Sparrow and The Untelling, is reading at Harvard Bookstore. My friend Lady D (the fabulous unofficial social coordinator for Boston-area writers) has organized a bunch of writerly-types to gather apres to fete Tayari with drinks and (one imagines) scintillating conversation. I plan to share how I had to Google the proper spelling for both "cornucopia" and "scintillating" to finish my blog post this morning, which I'm sure will make everyone in the room feel comparatively brilliant!

Tomorrow will be my first time at the New England Independent Booksellers Association Fall Conference. I'll be looking for: 1) a miraculous way through rush hour traffic between Cambridge & Providence; 2) great new books to review here on the blog, and 3) a better understanding of the retail side of publishing and how things are going up here in our neck of the woods. And honestly, the chance to bask in a convention center FULL of fellow book lovers? Bliss!

And THEN (as if these two weren't enough!?!) Saturday is the Boston Book Fest, which is seriously one of the reasons Boston is the best city in America.

The Red Sox are long gone, snow is on the way, and it's raining all over our foliage. But this is still THE PLACE TO BE for literary dorks like me.

And now, fine readers, THREE QUESTIONS for YOU!
Where are you right now? Why is it an awesome place to be?
And... what are your tips (other than sharing spelling mishaps) for unusual and interesting cocktail party conversation?

On endings, happy or otherwise

2011-10-12T09:16:00.004-05:00

I sat down to write about endings: How they're hard and painful--as in "ouch, I ran into a wall!"--but often necessary. But then a link on FB caught my eye. I think they're connected.

The link was to a blog post by a well-known writing teacher describing how, in the early stages of his writing, his pursuit of his craft cost him everything: his relationship with his parents, his marriage, any hope of a job. I think it was supposed to be a romantic tale to encourage others to persevere, but what it made me think was, "Holy crap, nothing is worth that..."

But then again, what do I know? I wasn't there. Perhaps he never had a good relationship with his parents? Maybe the marriage was doomed from the start? It might totally have been worth it. Some endings are necessary.

Here's the quote I planned to start out with today, wise words on endings from my favorite NJ Housewife, Caroline Manzo: "There comes a time when you have to recognize that the tides are changing. I recognize that now. And it's sad."

She's describing the end of a friendship. Which is sad. But what I appreciate is her acknowledgement that the sadness doesn't change the reality: the tides have changed; things aren't what they were before. We all face situations where the challenge is to respond to what IS, rather than what we remember (or how we wish it had all turned out).

Even in sadness, there's good news. Because THIS crush of metaphors: changing tides and running into walls that weren't there 5 minutes ago and heartbreaking betrayal? This is what good art (and good life) is made from, if we proceed with care and courage. I think that might be what that writing teacher was getting at.

I'll leave you with this related thought, from Oswald Chambers:
"Spiritual truth is learned by atmosphere, not by intellectual reasoning. God's Spirit alters the atmosphere of our way of looking at things, and things begin to be possible which never were possible before."

Congratulations, Lora!

2011-10-11T09:10:00.003-05:00

After a highly scientific selection process (akin to eeny-meeny-miny-moe, but much more complex!) the winner of Brennan Manning's All is Grace is....

Lora!

Email me your home address and I'll drop the book in the mail to you tomorrow :)

Fruit

2011-10-07T11:07:00.004-05:00

Steve brought this home. He says it's a pear. To which I say, Someone needs to contact the people at Pear Production and let them know of a specifications fail...

Friday: Share the Love!

2011-10-07T10:08:00.007-05:00

I'm starting a new tradition, designating Friday as "Share the Love" day. I'll post links to blogs, books, reviews, articles, interviews & other assorted things that will brighten our weekends. Sometimes, like today, there will even be PRESENTS! I like the idea of capping off the week with a little celebration of how much good and fun (not to mention inspiration & encouragement) is out there in the world :)

So today! Some links to people I love...some in person, some from afar:

--If you're feeling like your life has taken an unexpected twist or 2 as you soldier on toward happily ever after, check out my friend Elizabeth's blog on trusting God, "Never Deprived." (Then read the About page on her blog, which has one of the most helpful prayer tips I've seen in a LONG time..and it's SIMPLE, so even I can remember it!)

--If you want a good giggle that will make you think, "Hmm...do I do that?" check out Gretchen Rubin's post, "7 Tips to know if you're boring someone."

--My friend Liz says a heartfelt goodbye to her sweetheart of a dog here, and Kristin Armstrong shares the pain of making tough end-of-life choices for her pup here. Both posts made me tear up, hug THAT DOG until she squirmed away, and think about how good it feels to be part of this unique cycle of love and devotion that comes with a canine creature.

--And finally...a present! The nice folks at Cook Publishing sent me a copy of Brennan Manning's new memoir, All is Grace. I have notes all over my advance reading copy (if the title sounds familiar, I blogged about it here), and I'd love to pay this crisp new hardcover forward.

Hmmm....what would be a good question??? I know...If you'd like to win this copy, leave a comment below (or on FB) and tell us...Do you like holding hands? A tad random, but I wonder about this...because sometimes holding hands is all zappy and sparks fly and it's a sign of all good sorts of connection. And other times it's awkward and messes up how you walk.

What say you? Weigh in with your thoughts & I'll announce a winner next week :)

What Steve Jobs (just) taught me

2011-10-06T09:13:00.005-05:00

I love this tribute to Steve Jobs from my friend Elizabeth on her blog (picture, courtesy of the WSJ), especially this point:

"By 1997, Apple was floundering and had $2 billion in losses over two years. Who did they call? They guy they fired in the eighties. Did Steve hold a grudge and say, "Thanks for buying my new company, but you fired me, remember? I'd rather take my $400 million and watch your rapid decline from a far." Nope! He came back and took over as the interim CEO.... [I]n his last decade of life, he took those $2 billion in losses and turned Apple into the world's most valuable company at $350 billion."

We all want to leave a legacy, and watching the outpouring of appreciation and gratitude for Steve Jobs across all forms of media today is inspiring. Elizabeth's point helps me remember that sometimes, the opportunity to REALLY make a difference comes from rising to the occasion.

The day my salon dreams came true

2011-10-06T08:18:00.009-05:00

I have always been a little bit in love with the notion of a salon. Not the Steel Magnolias kind, where you get your hair permed & tinted while crying about your husband Beauford's wayward ways. Rather, the sort one reads about in European history, described by Wikipedia (source of all truth & knowledge) as "A gathering of people under the roof of an inspiring host, held partly to amuse one another and partly to refine taste and increase their knowledge of the participants through conversation."

Yesterday, friends, I hit the salon motherlode :)

FIRST, I had lunch with my friend Broadcast Media Girl. We ate at John Harvard's, a local chain restaurant, so I'll just take it on faith that at somepoint back in the 1600s JH himself thought, "I bet those turn-of-the-century girls are going to need a place to talk...and it should be near discount retail and a giant shoe store..." He was right! I thank him for the inspiration. BMG and I spent the afternoon laughing, taking about God & boys, and, erm...refining our taste. Yes, that's exactly it!

THEN, Steve and I spent the evening at a birthday celebration dinner for my friend the Organized Gorgeous Gourmet (aka Julia...I'll out her so you can check out her book, because she's living proof these anti-aging tips work). Anyway, Julia inspires me--for her stealth alone...a little-known secret: she remains forever young by gathering her friends each year & feeding us gluttonous amounts of custard pie--so that salon condition was met. And the conversation...well, educational doesn't even begin to cover the ground the 8 of us covered. Here's just a sample of what I learned:

-A rat is different than a mouse, and you can't mate them...even if you're trying to get a donkey.

-The way to get a flying squirrel out of your attic is to obtain a fox, get it to pee in a cup, then dry the pee and spread it all over your home. (This has the added benefit of ending your hospitality obligations to all but your heartiest friends and family).

-Rumor has it that some audacious team in New Hampshire has asked ousted Red Sox manager Terry Francona to be their new guy in charge. His compensation package would include a few thousand dollars AND half-off burritos at the concession stand.

Good stuff, right?!? I woke up feeling enlightened, entertained...and newly aware that 2 slices of custard pie is 1 too many if I'm going to be laughing that hard for that many hours. It was practically aerobic.

What did YOU learn yesterday?

Oh to have a LIFE PLAN!

2011-10-05T08:27:00.009-05:00

I just read another blog post--a good one--about making a LIFE PLAN. (I capitalize because the term just seems to demand it.) I found myself getting sucked in yet again. Oh, the allure of this promise: that if I write down what I will do and how the world should respond, commit to acting on this plan and checking in on it quarterly, then PRESTO! ABRACADABARA! SHAZAM! things will unfold more or less the way I've laid them out.

It's never happened. Not even once.

I don't think life plans (or day plans, or to-do lists where you rank your priorities with little letters and then cross reference via many highlighters) are bad. I have friends who do this regularly and find it sooo helpful. I envy those friends (and tend to ask them lots of detailed, bordering-on-nosy questions about how they pull it off) because I've tried and it doesn't work for me.

I'm good at the first part: I can describing my GOALS, break those goals into NEXT ACTION STEPS, and even put DEADLINES on each of these to hold myself ACCOUNTABLE. (See...I know the lingo!) I have a tiny bit of artistry in me in terms of coloring within the lines, so some of my life plans have been festooned with color and sparkle; veritable works of art. But not a one held up in the shifting tides of real life.

Here's the thing: LIFE is bigger than my plans. I'm not the author of this story, no matter how much I like to pretend I am. Circumstances change; people turn out to be different than I expect (in ways that might be better, worse, or simply SURPRISING!); tragedy and disappointment, excitement and opportunity blow through and changes the landscape... Really, here's no quicker way for me to precipitate some sort of "out of nowhere/wow, I didn't see THAT coming" change than to make a plan.

So I wake up each morning a little wide-eyed (at least when it's not allergy season), look up to the ceiling (you know, because that's where God lives...) and await instruction.

***Late breaking additional thought!***
Just read this quote from Seth Godin (in a blog post called "failures and the dip" which makes me feel like third graders are making fun of me...) that seems relevant: "The hard part is deciding to do something, anything. Once you've decided to move, at least you're going. Might as well make it worth the trip."

I agree! Makes me wonder if it's less that I don't have a life plan, and more that I tend to take the scenic route? I'm almost always moving, and even the bumpy rides provide hours of memoir material & entertaining cocktail party stories. In other words: worth the trip. Thanks for the perspective shift, Seth :)

Consider the Patterns

2011-10-04T07:41:00.004-05:00

I'm often caught up in thoughts about how some study on human behavior applies to writing. Last night before bed I read a blog post from Donald Miller about intuition and decision making, and the bottom line was this:

Sometimes we just sense that something is wrong or off, and we should pay attention to that sense. What may be happening here is that our subconscious is picking up on a conflict in patterns...things are not as they should be, given the information we have.

This is not always a bad thing.

When I danced in college, I had no training in ballet (I took my first barre class at 19). What I discovered was that much of ballet is about patterns: three tendus to the right, followed by one to the left; three to the left, followed by one to the right. As I found the patterns, I could mimic the movement. It was soothing, an entire world laid out in knowable patterns. And somehow--I never quite understood it--when I focused on training my muscles in these patterns, it enabled me to do all sorts of more interesting things later, when given more complex choreography.

In writing, I wonder if the same is true: We (or our characters, if you write fiction) need enough pattern so readers can know who we/they are. And yet too much pattern makes our lives (and thus our stories and characters) dull, rather than comforting. Often the BEST moment in a book is when a heretofore predictable character goes completely off the beam.

Consider the picture above, of the New York City Ballet. From a foundation of years of predictable pattern work at the barre, these dancers now have the capacity to create something much bigger, more interesting...and unpredictable. So we watch, wondering what will happen.

Think with me, if you will, about these questions:
1. Are you mostly predictable, or does your story have some swerves?
2. Has that changed has you've gotten older?
3. If you write fiction, are you comfortable letting your characters do something unexpected?
4. What is one unexpected thing you could do today, just for practice?

If you want to answer #4 in a comment below, that might be fun :)

Best of Boston (8 year old girl edition)

2011-10-03T10:07:00.009-05:00

Superfun weekend with THAT NIECE. Our parade was rained out, but that's okay: we discovered the REAL benefit of living in our city!

If asked, some people might say that what makes Boston great are the opportunities for learning and cultural enrichment: the Science Museum, the Aquarium, the Museum of Natural History (which one friend calls "the Harvard Stuffed Animal Museum"). THAT NIECE has skipped & sparkled her way through each of these fine establishments. And yet this time, she discovered something far better about our metropolis, something she'd never even imagined possible: We have a Petco store in almost every town.

What started as a visit to one store to buy a toy for a friend's dog (followed by a rained-out trip to Boston Common) became a mission of vast proportions, intense focus, and more miles than I can count. All told, we visited 5 stores in 2 days. THAT NIECE was slobbered on by a sweet rottweiler, leaned on by a greyhound, yapped at by countless tiny things bred to fit in teacups, and patiently tolerated by a baffled German Shepard who'd barely made it through the door before being engulfed in her love.

My sister and I kept reminding her: "Ask first!" lest her stalking truly frighten both dog and owner, and she was good about that. But the one time she was told, "Well, my dog is nervous around kids so you'd better not pet him," THAT NIECE looked so totally confused--how could this lady not understand that her love was exactly the thing this nervous little creature needed most in the world???--that she just stared forlornly, not speaking, then wandered after them them down aisle in case the lady changed her mind. But later, when she came across the doggie daycare room in the back of the store she said to us, "It's good that we have to leave...it was almost too much wonderful."

It made me think of a chapter from the fascinating book Switch, where the authors discuss studies of how positive emotions such as joy, interest, or pride in a job well done broaden our thinking and build our repertoire of thoughts & actions, giving us more options to respond to everyday challenges. It's a different type of learning than what one might find at a museum, but important! I forget this WAY too often. I'm grateful to THAT NIECE for the reminder :)

What was the last thing that brought you joy?

What might the next thing be?

I, erm...love a parade!

2011-09-29T09:08:00.005-05:00

THAT NIECE is coming to visit today! My sister called early this morning to report on the state of Sparkle Girl's suitcase...it's a treasure trove of information about what an 8 year old girl thinks the must-have items are for a trip to the big city: All her makeup (because strangely, Aunt Trish rarely has neon turquoise eye shadow), her Barbie Hair Salon and...her baton. You know, "Just in case."

I looked out our driveway--the proximity of widows on 3 sides--and thought, "I don't think we'll have any baton twirling opportunities..." (Which is just a sad thought no matter when it strikes!) But then my sister saved the day: "Wait," she asked, "don't you live near a big football field?" At which point, ladies & gentlemen, a dream was born!

So if you're wandering through Cambridge Saturday morning and see police apprehending two bespangled women and a small child wielding shiny flying weapons, give a wave...you'll have found us!

What I learned from Brennan Manning

2011-09-28T08:02:00.004-05:00

Brennan Manning's All Is Grace might be the most searing memoir I've read. He's at the end of his life: on assisted care, needing the help of a ghost writer. And in this, he offers the gift of candor about the cost of past mistakes that is incredibly helpful to those of us still coming along. I've never seen anyone lay it out as plain and bare as he does.

He was a priest, and then not a priest; a husband, and then not a husband. He traveled the world giving hope-filled lectures about how much God loves us, and then would disappear for days into hotel rooms around the world, drinking himself into oblivion. He admits that he's missing some chunks of his own narrative timeline because pieces of his brain are simply lost to the alcohol. But what he remembers will stick with me, I suspect, forever.

My "favorite" part of this book? Manning provides the clearest understanding of shame I've ever seen. I didn't grow up in a shame-based family, and I've always been grateful for that. But the downside has been that when I find myself in a group where shame is swirling around in the undertow, I'm REALLY slow to catch on.

Manning defines shame as "the sense of being completely insufficient as a person, the nagging feeling that for some reason you're defective and unworthy." He explains how, "in a shame-bound family, love is a moving target: one day it's this and one day it's that, and just when you're sure you've got it figured out, you discover you don't."

I suspect that even those of us who are fortunate enough to come from families where shame is not the dynamic (and here's me, waving at my Mom & Dad and shouting THANK YOU!) we still bump into it somewhere down the line.

So a suggestion: if you're caught in a place that feels like this description above, consider the possibility that shame is dogging you. Get a copy of this book from a bookstore or the library, take out your journal, and ask God for a strategy to fight back. Whatever shame is telling you, it's not the truth.

Okay, end of serious book review!
Thank you for letting me mix it up here on the blog--it's fun living in a world where Brennan Manning & Jerseylicious can coexist :)

Lunch with the girls!

2011-09-27T12:40:00.006-05:00

Confession: most days, I spend my lunch hour with whatever food I can dig out of the fridge & a DVR of some reality TV show.

Sometimes it's the Real Housewives (especially NJ...oh how I love the Manzos). Other days I might cue up the ridiculous Rachel Zoe (it's eye-opening to spend a half-hour with someone who HONESTLY BELIEVES that clothing matters more than people) or some Jerseylicious (how fun is the possibility that life could be so simple: big hair, big tan, big bling?)

I call these my guilty pleasures...but I don't feel guilty about them at all. I watch the shows that make me smile, and make me feel like I've spent time with some especially crazy friends. (It's sort of like the summer I lived in Montreal with a bunch of guys who had just been dumped by their girlfriends and HATED women. I spent 3 months watching Sex and the City DVDs just to have some semblance of female bonding.) And in a surprising way, these shows inspire me. Not the fighting, but the real parts: we mostly want the same few basic things in life, and we use the resources we have (sometimes that's relational/intellectual/financial/spiritual...other times it's spray tan/stilettos/hairspray & bedazzledness) to try to make it from where we are to where we want to be. As a speaker & writer, this stuff is GOLD!

(And how do you like THAT for a blatant attempt to justify a daily hour of mindless television? There's my law degree at work!)

Do you have a secret TV escape that makes you laugh/inspires you? Do share...

A Good and Perfect Gift

2011-09-26T18:53:00.004-05:00

It's New Books Week at Trish's Dishes! One of my favorite parts of being part of the writing world is that on certain super-special days, I come home to find that a publicist has sent me a review copy of a new book. This week, we have three! (Jazz hands! Glee!)

Today's book is especially close to my heart, as it's a long-awaited memoir from my friend Amy Julia Becker. She and I met three years ago at the Festival of Faith & Writing, and I've watched and cheered as she's chased her dream of sharing her story of her family and her oldest daughter Penny, who has Down syndrome. I wrote a tiny bit about Amy Julia and her family in A Maze of Grace, and blogged about Penny here. So as you can see, I'm not just a friend, I'm a fan :)

A Good and Perfect Gift was my first experience reading a memoir with someone I know in real life (rather than just online). About 45 pages in I realized, "I can't review this book...it would be like reviewing her life!" So I'm not even going to try. But I can recommend it, with great enthusiasm. A.J. is a gorgeous writer who doesn't hesitate to lay bare her faults and struggles.

My favorite scene in the book is toward the middle, when A.J. and her husband Peter are driving home, discussing how to make sense of all the unknowns that go with having a child with a disability. She says to him:

"I just want good stories.... I want to hear that this kid with Down syndrome loves the tuba and this other one loves playing golf with his dad and this one had a hard time with spelling but loves to dance. Or whatever it is. I don't want statistics and predictions of who she will never be. I just want stories."

This is what makes her story (and mine, and yours) universal: We all need other stories to remind us of the larger realm of what is possible...and how very differently our lives can turn out, with options far more varied and interesting than statistics suggest. I'm grateful to Amy Julia for adding hers to the mix...so now you can read it, too :)

Thoughts from a travel adventure

2011-09-26T10:10:00.004-05:00

So sorry for disappearing on you last week. I had a TRAVEL ADVENTURE! (Which means I also had a PANICKED WHAT-WILL-I-WEAR SHOPPING EXCURSION, followed by a HOW DO I CRAM ALL MY SHOES INTO ONE CARRY-ON BAG? DILEMMA. So really, it was a very busy week.

I flew down to Charlottesville, VA with Changing Seasons to encourage a ballroom full of awesome UVA women about two of my favorite subjects: God & boys. While I was there I kept thinking back to my own senior year, and how impossible it was for me to imagine how much bigger the world was about to get once I graduated. I wanted to say to these students, over and over again, "Just because your Mr. Right is not here at UVA right now doesn't mean he's not out there..." But in a huge act of noble self-control, I only said it once. (Or maybe twice...)

After UVA, I came home to Homecoming at Wheaton, and the annual gathering of alumni leaders at my awesome alma mater, only to realize this: The sense that there's something more out there? It never really goes away. Many of the questions we have when we're 20 are still there when we're 40. They're shaped a little differently, and some of the blanks have been filled in. But we still wonder: What's next? Who can I depend on/trust? Do I dare to dream about XYZ or am I being ridiculous?

The answers don't change, either:
We don't know what's next. We guess and try to nudge things along in a pleasing direction, but who really knows?

We depend on who shows up. Sometimes that goes well and sometimes we get crushed. But then we get up, do our best to shake it off, and love someone else.

And yes, we should all dream about XYZ...and yes, we're all being ridiculous. There are worse things. There are millions of people out there living in stunned astonishment at how far a little ridiculous can take you.

Here's to hope, courageous love, and being a little ridiculous :)

Once

2011-09-20T08:03:00.003-05:00

I fell in love with this movie over the weekend. It's a story about all of us, in a way. The characters are musicians living in the tension between what real life looks like and what they hope might happen someday. But all of us do that. It made me think about how silly I am sometimes, heading out into my day as if I know what will happen, as if my plan is an outline circumstances are required to follow.

And yet...on any given day, something can happen that changes everything else. It's wonderful, and terrifying. And what strikes me most about this is how even after something remarkable & unexpected happens, I still try to forecast what will come next, adapting my planning to encompass this new aspect of reality, barely pausing to marvel or mourn at the wonder of it all and how much we just don't understand.

It was poignant to watch this movie after teaching an all-day class on memoir writing, meeting interesting people from all over who were looking at their stories--the unexpected twists, turns, reversals, disappointments, surprises--through the lens of hindsight, tentatively certain (because that's exactly what feels like) that what they've experienced fits in to the larger narrative. And it does. The trick is capturing that tentative certainty in writing, and to help others hope.

Then Sunday at church, the pastor said, When we live a good story, we reveal the beauty of God in a way nothing else can. That's what I want to spend this week thinking about, and believing :)

Patience, pigs, and waiting for Act 2 to end

2011-09-15T12:22:00.006-05:00

I found this quote yesterday, in an interview author Lisa Tucker gave for Psychology Today:

"If you write without an outline, without even a sense of where the novel is headed -- as I do -- you have to have faith that your characters will take you where you need to go. And you have to be patient, because if you try to push them in a direction that you're more comfortable with, they just might rebel and decide not to tell you their stories."

I immediately copied it & then pasted it into a new blog post, not even sure why it struck me. I guess I'm thinking a lot about living without an outline lately (because really, that's what memoir writing is: you have to wait for the actual story to unfold, and for a long time you're just stuck somewhere towards the end of the second act, waiting for THE MOMENT WHEN EVERYTHING CHANGES) and how for most of what really matters, you simply cannot push.

I know people who push. I've been that person. The results are never, ever what we hope for, even when we're able to gloss them up and make it all look pretty on the outside. (The phrase "lipsick on a pig" comes to mind, and is making me giggle...)

It's such a fine line, really, between the times we should push ahead and the times when we should be patient and see how life unfolds. None of us really knows what we're doing. Sometimes it's fun to remember that :)

And the results of patience can be spectacular: Lisa has a new novel out, called The Winters in Bloom. I've been waiting for it since I first got word of it in April, as I simply adore the huge range of life she fits into her books. She might be the most diverse author I know. So now that it's here, I'm saving it for my travels next week, as I don't always sleep well in new places and I know her writing will keep me company if I'm up into the wee hours of the night.

It's nice to have good stories to keep us company--and remind us that the second act never lasts forever!--when we're waiting. In the meantime, let's keep the lipstick off the pigs.

Here's to a spiffy, unpushy weekend!

The Larger Story of the Universe!

2011-09-15T09:06:00.003-05:00

I'm better! Or at least well on my way. I've been vertical for the better part of three hours already today, which is such an improvement over yesterday that I'm thinking I might even be able to take THAT DOG on a walk around the entire block, rather than just looping her back & forth across the backyard.

September is always my favorite month here in New England, and this one is extra-fun, because it includes two of my favorite things: a chance to meet new writers, and a field trip!

As I mentioned yesterday, I'm teaching a new memoir class at Grub Street on Saturday. I adore these all-day classes. It's inspiring to hear other people's stories, and when we discuss them within the context of writing (narrative arc, target audience, one-sentence pitch) the way we describe ourselves and our experiences takes on a whole new hue. It's like the stories are set free from the self-consciousness of cocktail party banter and loosed into the larger story of the universe.

(Okay, that was a dopey image. It's true...I totally think there's a larger story of the universe! Just wanted to admit that it looks a little dopey when you read it :) )

Next week, I travel to the University of Virginia (go Cavs!) to speak to a large group of students about, well...about the larger story of the universe! What I remember most about college was the feeling that if I didn't do EVERYTHING RIGHT, my life would be irrevocably messed up, forever. So I more or less did everything right for those four years, certain that it would guarantee my perfectly planned future. Well...you don't get to make a living writing memoir if THAT sort of plan worked out for you. So my fun job on this field trip is to pass along what I've learned since then, giving them a few tools to add to their "building a life" kits that they can pull out when they need them.

I'm a BIG believer in working hard, pursuing dreams, loving people with a big, open heart. When you live this way, you're going to take some hits. (And as I told a friend recently, the punch rarely comes from the direction you're facing!) The key isn't to avoid the hits. It's to get back up again, knowing that, as my friend Jon from Law School always said, Things tend to get done, and Things tend to work out. This is how I learned the third part of this little group of pithy maxims: Life is usually more interesting than we expect--pay attention!

And that, ladies & gentleman, is our theme for September!

Somewhere Sub-Stellar

2011-09-14T09:26:00.005-05:00

Sorry for the no-post yesterday. I spent the better part of my waking hours shuffling between bed and couch, trying not to be awake. I've got one of those all-over-sick things happening, where vague feelings of not-quite-right bounce from my head to my stomach every twenty minutes or so. It feels like I took 3-4 medicines that weren't meant to be taken together and then added a shot of Jack Daniels to top it off. (Except that I didn't, which means I feel cruddy without benefit of any of the healing properties of those fine substances.)

But...I will be fine.
I'm yucky today, and might even veer out into gross tomorrow.
But I'm teaching a VERY FUN, VERY IMPORTANT MEMOIR WRITING CLASS on Saturday at 10am, and I will be feeling STELLAR by then.

It's decided.

Hope ya'll are rocking the stellar already. You can remind me how it's done :)

A serious post, inspired by a wonderful novel

2011-09-12T20:01:00.006-05:00

I've been a fan of author Joshilyn Jackson since I heard her speak at the 2010 Festival of Faith & Writing and she made me laugh so hard I hiccuped. I just finished another of her wondrous novels, Backseat Saints, and I have to say: no other Southern writer so makes me LONG to trade in my New England-ly "Thank God!" (which I say often, because I have lots of things I'm thankful for and I believe in giving credit where credit is due...) for a full-on, drawled-out, "Well thank the Sweet Lord Baby Jesus!!!" Such is the power of her literary awesomeness.

Now, on a serious note: Backseat Saints is a prequel to her breakout hit, Gods in Alabama, but it also stands alone as one of the most powerful books I've ever read on women struggling with domestic abuse. She captures perfectly the bizarreness of it all: how strange it looks from the outside, to friends and family begging, "Please, just leave him!" and how it feels from the inside, when the options look far less clear. Jackson doesn't shy away from the ugly, painful truth: Very few women leave their abusive husbands (many who do go back), and no one really understands why.

If you've read my first book, you know that this hits close to home for me. I don't pretend to have one-size-fits-all answers, but I have a couple of ideas, if you know someone who is in this situation and want to help (Again, this is NOT professional or psychological advice...just some thoughts from someone who has been there):

1. Tell your friend that you understand why she might leave her relationship...but don't try to force her to commit to a plan. Give her space. Remember: If you've constantly been told that you're a failure and no one else could ever love you, it's tough to imagine that the world won't judge you if you can't make your marriage work. The point is to let her know you won't think she's a failure, and that it's okay if she needs some help starting over.

2. Offer tangible help. Put money in a bank account and tell her about it, saying it's there for her if she ever needs it. Offer to stash a bag for her with the things (clothes, etc) she'll need if she ever decides to leave. Put gift cards for gas, groceries, inside. But again--offer the help, and then back away. This has to be her decision.

3. If she leaves...pay attention to what she might be missing. When I left my ex-husband, it was October...I was in such a daze I grabbed high heels, two designer bags, and no winter coat. If you notice your friend seems to be missing some essentials, jump in: get her a coat, or lip balm, or whatever it is she needs. She may not even have noticed she doesn't have it.

4. Pray. I've realized that most of us have a really hard time walking away from situations that aren't good for us. We all need help--it takes a miracle. The good news is, miracles happen, everyday.

Okay, end of serious post. Thanks for reading. Check out Backseat Saints when you're looking for a good read. I bet you'll join me in thanking the Sweet Lord Baby Jesus for Joshilyn Jackson :)

Next Time, I'll Have a Burger

2011-09-12T07:26:00.006-05:00

I had dinner with Super-G last night. You may remember my candid, heartfelt admission of salad struggles from a couple of weeks back. It was cathartic, and I was grateful for your supportive responses, both serious and hilarious. But last night, the discrepancies between her salad eating skills and mine were so glaringly apparent that I thought of you all...and had to take pictures.

Here, at the end of our meal, is my salad:

I picked off most of the good stuff! And even tackled the first 42 or so pieces of lettuce on the top! I was proud of my effort...until I looked across the table and saw her plate:

You just can't compete with that. It's a gift you're born with...or not. And yes, Super G was gracious enough to leave that little sprout of frisee on her plate to show that she's not invincible. But since "frisee" is a word that should refer to a dance step and not a food, I think she stands tall as the lettuce queen.

Saved from the Jaws of Outright Mortification

2011-09-09T09:49:00.007-05:00

I'm going to spare you all the truly embarrassing post I drafted late last night. I was bleary-eyed from too much rain and not enough US Open tennis...but even so, it was so, so awful.

[There was a wafty quote from the early 1070s about a rose growing from a seed into bloom, & how it's perfect at every stage in the process. The quote was shot through with that sort of sentiment that demands we not judge ourselves and yet somehow leaves me feeling totally judged. And to top it off, I accompanied the post with a picture of a rosebud that was covered in (wait for it...) aphids. Yes, there were BUGS crawling all over my symbolic little rose, along with an inane comment about blasting them off with a hose.

Late last night, this seemed profound and important.

Today, in the cool light of morning, every part of my being is thanking God I didn't hit "Publish Post" last night.]

Thankfully, I found something better to send us all off into the weekend! It's a collection of "get moving" quotes author Natalie Taylor posted on her blog, gleaned from the t-shirts she saw at a CrossFit event. There's something for everyone. And with a little stretching, these apply to all different challenges in life--writing, working out, going after a degree or a promotion, building a business...

“Never fear competition. Welcome it. Embrace it. Then destroy it." “

You can either have results or excuses.”

“Don’t wish it was easier. Wish you were better.”

and my favorite...

“Suck it up, buttercup.”

So much better than the aphid-laden rosebud of non-judgment!
Have a great weekend :)

What's at Stake?

2011-09-08T08:04:00.006-05:00

Have you ever read or heard something that exactly described an experience you'd had in a way you'd never been able to? I'm there right now. It came from this post from Michael Hyatt on thinking big. I've spent enough time in the world of imagination & possibilities to have come across most of his suggestions before, but #3 captured my attention. Connect with what is at stake.

"Before you can find your way, you must discover your why. Why is this goal important to you? What will achieving it make possible? What is at stake if you don't? What will you lose?"

These are GOOD questions. Big dreams come up against all sorts of opposition. With anything I've set out to do--become a lawyer, write a (first, second, third) book, build a happy marriage, recover from tough blows, plant a church--there have been people who lined up to tell me why it was a bad idea/would never happen and--my personal favorite--how I was embarrassingly unqualified to even consider such a thing and who did I think I was to try?

Michael Hyatt gets it exactly right when he says that knowing what is at stake if we DON'T follow through on a goal is what gives us the momentum to get up & over/around/away from the naysayers.

When I was writing He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, I was frustrated that there were so few books out there bridging the gap between faith and romantic happiness in a way that made any sense to someone like me. I knew I wasn't the only woman out there struggling with questions about love & spirituality, and I wanted to encourage others that happily ever after is a dream worth chasing and that God cares. That kept me writing even as people told me I should be more realistic, because "People don't just their books published." (And that just seemed stupid: walk into any bookstore...clearly SOMEBODY is getting published. Why not me?)

You'd think I'd have conquered this when I sat down to write A Maze of Grace, but if anything, it was worse. Try telling people you're writing a book about how marriage can be really fun & happy even when tough things happen. Steely eyes, tense shoulders, change of subject. But again, I couldn't for the life of me find a book out there about a happy couple that came through life's ups & downs still liking/loving/finding each other sexy, and I believed with all my heart that that book should exist. So I had to keep writing.

And now, as I wrestle with the bits & pieces of what I hope will become book 3, there's opposition coming in all new directions. But this bit of idea--asking what it at stake if I stop--gives me a way through the discouragement so I can do the work anyway.

None of us get to skip this step, so the sooner we prepare for it, the better. What's at stake if you give up on your big dreams?

Great Questions asked of Manly Men

2011-09-07T09:19:00.004-05:00

Men's Journal is my favorite magazine. Not just because of the issue pictured here, with its great interview with Friday Night Lights' Coach Eric Taylor ("Clear eyes-Full hearts-Can't Lose!") and three pages of the disaster that is Jesse "It's not really my fault" James (Can't bring myself to find a link for him--don't want to know what it would unleash on my computer...)

It's partly that. But it's more that with every issue, the writing is SO GOOD that I'm compelled to read about things I wouldn't normally. Grilling buffalo meat, climbing big mountains in sub-zero temps, training for my first triathlon. God willing, I will never do any of these things (unless they come up with a triathlon featuring bargain shopping, typing, and a trip to the local bookstore). But the writing in this magazine makes me better at thinking about & describing the things I do, which makes me better at writing about it. That's a fine return on the price of our subscription.

The first page I flip to with each new issue is in the back, where they ask some celebrity with major "Manly Man" cred (it seems like Robert Duvall is the poster boy for this...I don't expect to see Elton John anytime soon, although I'd love to) a series of questions about what he's learned about life:

1. What's the best advice you've ever received?
2. What should every man know about a woman?
3. What's the best cure for heartache?
4. What adventure most changed your life?
5. What's the best survival skill you know?
6. What song do you have to hear at least once a week?

Aren't this INCREDIBLE questions? I love them. And I'm always surprised by what thoughtful answers the Manly Men give, even when they say something that sort of horrifies me.

It's raining today, and rain makes me ponder random things. Today, I'll wrestle with "What's the best cure for heartache?" I've spent some time researching that one :) If I come up with anything profound, I'll let you know. In the meantime, I leave you with this great quote from Coach Taylor:

"Every man at some point in his life is going to lose a battle. He is going to fight and he is going to lose. But what makes him a man is at the midst of that battle he does not lose himself. This game is not over, this battle is not over."

I think this applies to the ladies, too. We just look better as we fight :)

Laundry Love

2011-09-05T17:02:00.006-05:00

We spent the middle part of the long weekend up in Maine with my sister and her family, welcoming the newest members of our clan. It was a special sort of celebration, as it wasn't a baby or even a puppy Meg added to our family...it was a new washer/dryer! Now this might not be a big deal for some families. But for us, it's an occasion worthy of wine, toasts, and hours spent reminiscing about past laundry exploits (broken machines, bleach catastrophes, failed attempts to stretch ruined wool sweaters back into shape...) while looking excitedly toward the future. So much laundry, so little time!

We're laundry geeks. It's genetic. It started with my mother, who has always dealt with stress by gathering the biggest pile of dirty clothes she can find and bringing order from the chaos. My sister and I share in this delight, so much so that Steve and I brought a comforter, THAT DOG'S bed, two sets of sheets, and a load of whites from Cambridge all the way to Maine to help mark this important moment with her.

THAT NIECE (aka "Sparkle Girl") has inherited this love. She came running up to me when we arrived on Saturday, breathless with excitement, exclaiming: "Aunt Trish, I have something WONDERFUL to tell you!" Waving full-on jazz hands to emphasize the fabulosity of the coming news, she told me, "I found a new Barbie toy at Target...and it's a Washing Machine and Dryer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Her eyes were wide with awe. "It even comes with an ironing board," she told me a few minutes later. We shared a moment of spellbound wonder, imagining how much fun we will someday have helping Barbie wash, dry & iron her clothes. (I refrained from pointing out that Barbie's Dry-Cleaning Drop-Off seems more likely). It was a special moment :)

Sometimes it's the little things that make life memorable.

Emergency Success Plan

2011-09-01T21:32:00.005-05:00

I love the U.S. Open. I've blogged about this before, a couple pf years ago when Melanie Oudin came out of nowhere, made a run for the title, and made us all BELIEVE just because she'd written it on her sneaker. Those moments are what remind me of how much can happen if we stay focused and keep on keeping on.

This year, I'm especially enjoying the commentators: John McEnroe, Chris Everett, Brad Gilbert... As they talk about what it takes to succeed in a sport with so many variables and challenges, much of what they say applies to normal lives like yours and mine. Last night, from John McEnroe: "Great talent is the ability to shrug off bad things that happen." Isn't that true? We're only a few days into the tournament, and already the discussion of how many players are working out a comeback of some sort is striking. It reminds me that in tennis and in life, there's no way to avoid setbacks, so you need to have a set of skills & a plan that helps you through.

Another topic that keeps coming up (they have a lot of air time to fill this early in the tournament, as most of the matches are smack downs that don't require all that much explaining) is how success--when a player breaks through and has a big win--often sets the stage for a season of disaster. A select few players assume the mantle of success gracefully, but many struggle to adjust to their new reality, floundering under the increased expectations, media scrutiny, and distraction of fans who suddenly know your name. Not to mention this: if you've had a single goal driving and motivating you for years, when you finally reach it, what do you focus on now? It can take a little time to figure out what life is about after that.

Have you thought about this at all? How will you handle being a top contender/published author/VP of Marketing/wife/husband/parent/lottery winner? Whatever it is we're working & praying about presents this question: aside from the daydreams of hoisting trophies into the air, how much have we thought about life after success? What are our non-negotiables in terms of the shape and direction we want life to take? How will we handle others' opinions of what we should do next? How will we preserve what matters and move forward into new endeavors?

Planning for success is so much more fun than coming up with a backup plan for if everything collapses. I'm grateful to the Johnny Mac & his peeps for reminding me to consider it.

Just Think

2011-08-30T14:39:00.008-05:00

I love to think. Some people love to travel, wander around new cities or landscapes, meet new people and let the experiences expand their understanding of life. I do this internally. And if I don't have time for it, I get a little squirrely.

Yesterday was a perfect example: I finished listening to a series of podcasts (8/23-10/11/09 if you're interested). I'd taken tons of notes, and by late afternoon I wanted nothing so much as a half hour to sit down with a cup of coffee to think through the implications (and applications) of what I'd heard. But there were dishes to do. I hadn't been to the gym, or responded to several emails, called my Mom to make plans for her birthday outing this week, or sent out the notifications for my next memoir class at Grub Street to people who've asked to be kept in the loop. I had things to do!

So I found myself caught in one of those tensions, suspended between my tangible to-do list--the one with items I could point to and say, "See...this is how I used my day!"--and my intangible how-real-things-get-done list. The second list features couch sitting, coffee drinking, and staring off into space on a disturbingly regular basis. And there's an asterisk at the bottom reminding me of this: thinking/mulling/wondering/contemplating--exploring what a new addition brings to my internal landscape--is what gives me ideas for books. And talks. And love. And conversations with friends about the way life is and the way we hope it can be. The things I look back on and say, "Well, I didn't make it to the gym, but I made some progress building life..."

I'd love to say that I left all the to-do list items undone, abandoned in a fit of creativity, but that's not true. Instead I scurried, scrubbing dishes and making phone calls. I brewed some coffee...and then remembered that the U.S. Open starts this week!

You'd think that would thwart my thinking, but actually it was the best backdrop possible, especially for contemplating things like pursuing a mission in the swirl of real life. More on why tomorrow. Until then...what helps you clear out space to think? Or avoid thinking, if that's what the day calls for?

Lettuce Entertain You

2011-08-30T09:16:00.003-05:00

About once a week, I have dinner with my friend, Super G. She's awesome...you've met her in both of my books...and she astounds me with her many fine qualities: beauty, strength, wisdom...and the ability to eat every single piece of lettuce on a plate, no matter how big a salad she's served. As you might guess by my dedicating an entire blog post to this phenomenon, I'm awed by this last of her superpowers most of all.

Confession: lettuce intimidates me. I don't like it. It feels weird in my mouth, and every stupid piece needs to be tamed into submission--floppily folded, cut (which inevitably knocks some other, more cooperative vegetable off of the plate) or crammed into a portion resembling a bite...and then gnawed endlessly until I can finally choke it down. Every salad contains at least 246 of these culinary wrestling matches. So frustrating. And don't even get me started on Oprah's celebration of lettuce that started a few years back: "Ah, the radicchio!" she'd cry, or "How I love arugula and Swiss chard!" Ugh and ugh. I've tried so hard to join this party, but here's my reality: radicchio has the taste and feel that reminds me of those thin pieces of cardboard the guy at the wine store slides between bottles so they don't bang together. And Swiss chard tastes like a tear gas canister went off in my mouth.

Now you'd think the answer to this would be obvious: Trish, don't order salad.
And you'd be right. But here's the thing: I love the things that go ON the salad. Last night for example, there was chicken, which is no big deal. But there were also little squares of Bartlett pear, pecans, feta, and at least 14 other yummy things. And so I spent the better part of an hour fighting back the lettuce in order to get to the good parts.

But Super G? She calmly ate her salad, lettuce and all. It didn't scare her...I'm sure she went in with a plan (She went to military school, so she's strategic like that) but she won't share. Perhaps she works for the CIA in their vegetable promotion division.

So this is my confession: I'm strong in almost every area of life, but easily felled by a big salad. Help me, friends. What is your lettuce strategy? How to do beat it back away from the finer salad elements without completely losing your hold on the dinner conversation?

(And just to clear: the salad in the picture above is not my salad from last night, but it's a fair representation of the larger problem!)

A fun weekend

2011-08-29T15:37:00.006-05:00

My favorite band, Ryanhood, was back in town this past weekend. And while no one was sure when the worst of Hurricane Irene would hit Cambridge, this show was worth braving the elements for.

As some of you may remember from my 40 Days of Faith blog from a couple of years ago, Ryanhood's music hits right in the sweet spot for me. Somehow, these two guys from Tuscon manage to capture exactly the feeling of stretching for a big dream and existing in that scary place of uncertainty. You know, when you look at things one way and think, "Wow, I could go faster, higher, and farther than anyone ever imagined!" but then consider them from a different perspective and realize, "Ooooor I could lose my balance and tumble, pathetically and in utter shame, to the jagged rocks below..."

When you live in this place, it's nice to have some tunes to keep you company :)

The show was fabulous, and I was inspired. (If you're in the DC area, check them out at Ebenezers on Thursday 9/1. You'll love it.) Then yesterday, in the midst of the wind gushes and rain, Steve and I got to spend the afternoon with half the Ryanhood duo, Ryan, and his wife, Abby. We spent the afternoon in one of those conversations that happens when you've all had FULL lives since you saw each other last: celebrating highs, acknowledging lows. We talked about the constant battle to get from where you are to where you want to be. You'd think this would be tough, but for me at least, it was the opposite. It helps me to know I'm not the only one out here trying things, wondering how they'll go, picking myself up again after setbacks, and then starting again. (We all do it. Some of us just feel a bit more pressure to write books and songs about it ;) ) It was nice to spend time with other folks who are in the battle.

(Special thanks to Abby for reminding me that one doesn't have to wait for BIG, PROFOUND REALIZATIONS ABOUT LIFE to blog. Sometimes it's just, "I went to a concert, then ate cheddar cheese and cashews with my friends," and that's okay.)

If you're in the battle now, click over to Ryanhood's website and check out the video for their new song, Second City. It's about this idea: we survive the wreckage, and what emerges is good.

Summer reading!

2011-06-23T09:29:00.002-05:00

I am happily astonished by how many great novels are out this summer. I'm not sure why I feel so much more freedom to read when the temperature rises (you'd think that here in New England the long cold winter would be the best time to read) but like clockwork, each summer my heart turns to the fiction section of the bookstore. So far this year has been one of the best ever.

If you're looking for recommendations, I just updated the book log over at Boston Writing Consultants with my four most recent favorites. Now I'm staring down my TBR pile, exited to open a new story.

Are you reading anything spectacular? If so, please share...summer is just getting started!

Abandonment issues: Reader Edition

2011-06-07T14:43:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, I got bogged down in a mediocre novel. I blogged about it here, describing how I made lemonade out of that little lemon, so I won't re-cover that territory. But today, I read a different novel, a story that swept me up into a captivating group of friends and their unfolding lives, leaving me at the end of the book wanting more, and wondering about the characters: how are they doing? where are they now?

I love and hate this feeling of escaping into another world for 300 pages or so, then being jerked back into my real life once I reach the end. (And I like my real life, so it's not as if it's a sacrifice to spend time here.) Good novels make me feel like I've made new friends...and then lost them, forever. It's angsty stuff!

I'm thinking about this because one of my favorite authors, Ann Patchett, is coming to Cambridge tomorrow night to read from her new novel, State of Wonder (Porter Square Books, 7pm) I've read almost everything she's written, including her spectacular memoir. Her writing is brilliant, and so she ALWAYS leaves me in that, "Wait...don't go!" place at the end of every book. I think I'll need to gear up emotionally before I dive into another group of characters with captivating/enthralling/infuriating stories who are certain to abandon me. Still though, I'm willing to assume the risk. It's worth it.

And as I turn the last page, I'll stare at the cover longingly, wishing I was back at the beginning, with this story (and these characters) still ahead of me, waiting to draw me in. Then I'll force myself to move on to the next adventure!

What was the last book you read? How did you feel as you turned the last page?

The Weekend

2011-06-06T07:56:00.003-05:00

Hello again! How is everyone doing today? It's Monday, which is usually a little fuzzy for me. And we have TWO dogs this week (dog sitting for friends of ours). So I've spent the past couple of hours watching THAT DOG alternate between having fun with her little buddy and then being horrified by the audacity of it all.

It was a fun weekend. Saturday was a day trip to the beach, which reminded me (again!) that there's nothing like sand, sun & ocean to convince me that life is wonderful, God has a plan, and the earth will continue spinning whether or not I cross off every item on my to-do list.

And Sunday I read Sarah Dessen's latest Young Adult novel, What Happened to Goodbye. It's vintage Dessen: well thought-out characters, interesting setting, challenges and life struggles that drew me in. I love reading her stuff. And the timing was interesting, given the HUGE dust-up in YA circles over this article from the Wall Street Journal. Twitter was ABLAZE with fury over this reviewer's suggestion that YA books are trending toward dark themes in a way we might want to be careful with.

So pretty things to look at, deep issues to contemplate, and a well written story to provide a bit of fun escape. What did you do this weekend?

Like a reunion :)

2011-06-02T08:32:00.004-05:00

Hi All,
It's been awhile! Am feeling a bit choked up as I type this, thinking of how so many of you emailed to check to see if I was okay, letting me know you still stop by from time to time to see if I've posted something new. Thank you!

Please forgive me for disappearing. I didn't plan it. But life got a little un-bloggable there for awhile. Not because it was horrifying or anything like that. It was just...dull. I was frozen, and feeling numb from writing, truth be told. Sometimes you just need a break to let the creative reserves build up again.

The good news is, I'm thawed! And I wanted to let you know of a couple of other places where we can connect online.

First, some author friends and I have a fun new project, Boston Writing Consultants. Here's a secret I've discovered: when I'm between books, I still like helping other people with their writing...I just can't think about my own stuff for awhile. So at BWC, we coach new writers, helping them build momentum, complete projects, and navigate the business side of publishing.
We blog! And recommend books! So if you're inspired/amused/entertained/motivated by thoughts on writing, check it out.

We also Tweet, so come follow us...we can hang out together :)

Speaking of twitter, most of my thoughts on life, love, THAT DOG, and various episodes of The Real Housewives of Wherever now land on my Trishryan twitter account. All the same stuff as Trish's Dishes, just more succinct :)

Here's to an amazing summer of great reads, inspired writing, and goals met, one by one :)

Mission Accomplished (Sort of...)

2010-10-26T10:32:00.004-05:00

I'm off to a hilariously good start in my determined efforts to fail more as a path to life fulfillment. After my last post (a mere 15 days ago), I decided that I was getting back on the blogging horse, and would post faithfully at least three times a week.

You can see how that went.

WHEN will I learn that these sorts of DEFINITE DECISIONS WITH CLEAR GOALS ATTACHED always, always (always...) mean failure for me? And yet the promise--the idea that by setting the goal I am somehow requiring myself to follow through--is so alluring, I get sucked in, again and again.

I'm reading HAMLET'S BLACKBERRY, a book about finding a balance between the extreme connectedness the internet makes possible, and the private mental space required for happiness, creativity, and general well-being. I'm thinking of going offline for the month of November (which almost guarantees you'll see a post from me here on November 3rd, 11th & 22nd...), to see if it will help me pin down some of the writing ideas that have been floating around in my head eluding capture. I'm wondering if less time with my internet connections might give me more mental space to build the relationships that go into writing a book--with ideas, characters, and points that come together only when there's some room to move things around.

(Hey--Maybe someday I'll write a book about how writing is like interior decorating...for your brain!) (And that idea, my friends, is utterly representative of why I'm not posting more frequently...)

Have you ever taken a vacation from online connection? If so, how'd it go?
Did it help you maintain real-life connection with people in person?
Just curious :)

Failure, Fun & What's the next step?

2010-10-11T10:27:00.010-05:00

It's been a great weekend. Steve and I spent the better part of it talking/thinking/planning/hoping/scheming/praying about new possibilities & adventures. I'm a total sucker for this kind of big-vision stuff, but I've noticed that it's only fun for me if, at the end of the conversation, I have some sense of what the next step is. I might or might not take that step...but to feel like an idea is anything more than a pipe dream, there has to be a tangible next thing that can be done.

For instance, earlier this year, some friends and I were dreaming about building a cultural center here in Boston (like the 92nd St. Y in Manhattan, only with more Red Sox paraphernalia). I even met with some folks involved in various artistic non-profits in our city to get the lay of the land. But after that, the next step was: Raise $5 million dollars so we could afford a space. Um...okay... Now, one high-faith friend put out a request for funding, but after that we sort of lost steam.

HERE'S the cool thing, though, which I discovered last week in a post by the awesome writer/runner/blogger Kristin Armstrong: Research has shown that one of the benchmarks for a motivated and challenged life is when you're failing to meet your goals approximately half the time. In which case, I AM A SUPERHERO!!! :) Seriously...on these terms, I'm living the dream...

It makes sense, right? It means you're taking risks and exploring possibilities, and 50% the time you're arriving somewhere near the place you set out for. Those are pretty great odds, statistically speaking (higher than MLB batting averages, for example). And constant success (aside from being unattainable) would be as dull as unrelenting failure. It's the balance that keeps us motivated and challenged, so we circle back to conversations like the ones Steve and I have been in all weekend.

Okay, that's WAY more than Kristin drew from this little tidbit of encouragement, but I'll take it. Here's to trying stuff! Viva la fail!

And now, as I talk/think/plan/hope/scheme/pray about new things to try, I keep the "What's the next step?" question more toward the front...turns out it's best when "Raise $5 million" isn't first or second on the list :)

How's your failure rate this year?

Updates on Minneapolis, NYC, Cambridge...

2010-10-06T10:42:00.005-05:00

Hi All! It's been awhile. I took September off from, well, pretty much everything. I needed some time to regroup after a tough year, and to figure out what's next. And I've learned that when I'm in one of these seasons, the less said the better.

It makes sense, right? We all have times when we need to try on ideas...and then have the freedom to discard them immediately (because no, we really don't want to move to Montana and open up a bowling alley...) In the midst of this, the larger hope is that one of these little ideas will take root, and grow into something viable while under the protection of me not saying very much about it. Not sure if that's happened yet, but I have some seeds I'm keeping my eye on :)

In the meantime, what's been going on? Here's an update:

1. Steve and I spent the weekend in Minneapolis (my first time--very cool city) speaking at a retreat for leaders from the Mercy Vineyard. Ever have those times where things come together and you suddenly have all kinds of exciting vision for what's next in life? The weekend was full of those for us. You can hear me rhapsodizing over the experience (and sharing some thoughts about finding your life purpose) here.

2. I'm hopping a train to NYC next week, which is my idea of creative nirvana. I'll be doing an event on Wednesday night, October 13th. It will be a fun wine & snacks party, and I'll be giving a talk about navigating big changes in life (and my secret hope of becoming a superhero). If you're in the city and want to join us, email me at Trishryanonline AT gmail DOT com and I'll send you my friend's address.

3. And last, but certainly not least, I had lunch with the lovely Stacy yesterday. She was one of my first blog friends and always makes me laugh when we talk about the care & maintenance of minions (and ponder how imaginary Ukrainian minions might be deployed to take over the world). Check out her blog...you'll be glad you did.

More soon, I hope. Until then, be well :)

The Video!?!

2010-08-12T09:25:00.007-05:00

Today's news: A friend emailed me a review of MAZE, and lo and behold, there was the video I filmed at my publisher's office back in the Spring. I was surprised (enough so that I had that drop-jaw "Huh?" face for a full 30 seconds) but in a good way. I'll post it here, if you want to check it out. I like part 2 the best, so I'm putting it first):

And yes, that's the awesome Ryanhood signing Around The Sun in the background.

Here's Part 1...in which the still frame looks like I'm about to sneeze/just won the lottery/ate 14 lemons and am about to throw up with great force and enthusiasm... (I'm adding this to the "I feel pretty" files):

Not a bad way to start the day :)

Moose, blue eyeshadow, and getting to work

2010-08-02T09:11:00.005-05:00

I was on vacation last week, our fourth year renting a house deep in the north woods on Lake Mooselookmeguntic, in the Western side of my great home state of Maine (can you tell I'm a little partial?) There's something so powerful about going off the grid for a bit, recalibrating my days so that I can only check email on my phone once every couple of days while sitting in the IGA parking lot (the only place I had reception.)

We saw several moose (and almost hit one with our car--man, those suckers are huge...and fast!)

We celebrated my niece SPARKLE GIRL's 7th birthday. I gave her one of those kits with a makeup in every color, which meant she and I went around for the next four days decked out in blue eye shadow and great gobs of hot pink lip gloss (I think that's how we avoided hitting the moose...he saw my lips coming and swerved...)

And, on a serious note, I spent a lot of time staring out at a windy, wavy, crazy lake (I've never seen waves like this before on a lake...my first thought when I saw it was, "Wow, God is pissed...") wondering what comes next and how to build a life that will feel satisfying, fulfilling, or any other of the words I dream of when I wonder what might make me excited to jump out of bed in the morning.

Strangely, the best answer came not from my faith (on my ride home yesterday I saw that author Anne Rice has left Christianity, and thought, "Oh, I know just how she feels...") but from music, specifically the Indigo Girls. I listened to their songs over and over again, marveling at how they combine deep spiritual wondering with a solid message that says, Get off your ass and DO something...don't just sit around thinking. Wise advice.

So today, it's back to work. Not just in my head, but at the keyboard, and at the Blue Ocean Summit 2010, a conference that starts tonight about exploring new ways to think about God, faith, and life. Who knows? Maybe I'll slick on some lip gloss and blue eyeshadow to help maintain my sparkle power :)

A Hug from One of My Heroes

2010-07-22T08:03:00.003-05:00

I met one of my heroes yesterday! Jennifer Weiner was here in Cambridge on her "Cupcakes Across America" tour, talking about The Bachelorette, her young daughter's refusal to wear undergarments, and her new book, Fly Away Home. She was hilarious, entertaining...and surprised the $@% out of me when she knew who I was.

One of the perks of writing books is that the author community is SO supportive of each other. After my brief career as an attorney (where, let's just say, that was not the case...) it never ceases to amaze me how writers cheer each other on, promote one another's books, and send waves of Tweets/FB posts/emails saying "Get to work! I want to read your next book, so write it!" when one of us is having an "I should have been an accountant..." kind of day. I know Jen has been uber-supportive of fellow novelists, running contests through her blog to get the word out about debut novels, fighting to get better review coverage for women writers in the New York Times. But our paths have never crossed--I simply admired her from afar.

Back when my writing career was just a dream and I was temping in a venture capital firm that was about to be swallowed in a takeover, I had a lot of time on my hands. I spent that time reading Jen's blog. She was one of the earliest writers to really embrace blogging (the archives go back to 2002, when she was finishing her second book, In Her Shoes) and she was this brilliant combination of hilarious, encouraging, and real that I hadn't seen before--it became like my own soap opera, tuning in each day to see what would happen next.

In the years since, I've kept up with her books, and her blog, and admired something else: how adaptable she is. She takes chances in her writing, trying things: murder mystery, short stories, revisiting characters from a previous book to catch up. It takes guts to do that (and--let's be honest--HUGE book sales so that your publisher will let you take those kinds of risks) because it means she's not just churning out the same book over and over again for the same audience. Not everyone loves everything she writes...but she has something in that will entertain almost any reader. Smart strategy.

So last night...I handed her my book after the girl in front of me had explained the complicated spelling of her name. "Mine is easy," I said. "It's Trish."
She looked at me. "Are you Trish Ryan?" she asked.
"Um, yes..." I muttered, like a complete flabbergasted dork.
"It's so nice to meet you!!!" She got up from her table, ignoring the crush of people waiting for her signature, and gave me a giant hug. She asked how my second book was doing, and when I'd be going on tour.
Again, being the brilliant on-the-spot conversationalist that I am, said something about how we'd pushed the tour to September because only Jennifer Weiner can tour in July (which is true, but still...who says that?) She was funny and gracious and said that July is hotter than $#@$ and September would be better anyway.
Then, as I was walking away, she said to the crowd, "You guys: She's an author, too!" She didn't have to do that...it was just an act of huge generosity, sharing her spotlight with someone who occupies an much (much) lower spot on the literary ladder. A reporter from the Boston Globe came over to take my name. It was all surreal, and (I'll admit) wonderful. It gave me a nudge to keep writing, because I want to be part of this amazingly supportive world.

So thanks, Jen...for the untold hours of entertainment and encouragement, and also for knowing how much a moment like that can mean to another writer. Your generosity rocks :)

Behind the Scenes w/ (Emergency Backup) Steve

2010-07-08T12:19:00.003-05:00

A new "behind the scenes" video, starring a 2-D approximation of my (video-averse) (spectacularly wonderful/hot/handsome) husband, and his thoughts on having a wife who writes candidly about, well...everything. Ladies & gentlemen, meet Steve!

Be Like Penny!

2010-07-06T08:25:00.004-05:00

I'm low on lofty thoughts of deep import these days, just enjoying the mellow decisions of summer...such as whether to wear shorts or a flowy skirt, or how many trips to the beach I can sneak in around life's obligations.

But this post by my friend Amy Julia stopped me in my tracks...and made me smile. It's a snapshot of how her 4 year old daughter Penny is responding to her first tennis lessons. Penny has Down Syndrome, so athletic adventures are a bit of a risk for her. But I love, love, love her perspective. She's not focused on how her peers (all taller & more agile, not to mention more experienced) are doing. She delights in her own accomplishments. "I hit the ball!" she told her Mom. "I was a good listener!" Her overall summary of the lesson? "I did a great job!"

That child is brilliant. She gets it. She showed up, tried something beyond her ability, and did a few things better than ever before. That's what it means to meet the goal. She did a great job!

I can't remember the last thing I attempted and then debriefed from this perspective. Today, that's going to change. A few years back Gatorade ran a commercial with Michael Jordan and the tag line, "Be like Mike." My mission for this summer... Be Like Penny :)

The Big Swim

2010-07-01T08:55:00.004-05:00

I went swimming yesterday! In the ocean! In big waves! I'm feeling rather proud of myself :)

I was visiting my hometown, about two hours north of Cambridge. As you may know, the water along the Maine Coast is majestic and inspiring...and insanely cold. For most of the summer, it's impossible to swim for more than a minute or two unless you're under the age of 10, over the age of 60...or wearing a wetsuit. (A childhood of swimming in that ocean is how I know you can get ice cream headache with no dairy products in sight.) But There are 3-4 magical days each year where the water is so warm you can stay in all day. Yesterday was the day after one of those magical days.

So yes, the water was cold, and the air was breezy, and each time I went in I came out looking like a freshly plucked chicken with frozen blue lips (It was a sexy sight, let me tell you.) But I decided I didn't care. The waves were perfect, and I can't remember the last time I swam in the ocean with full commitment (arms in the water, feet off the ground). So I pushed away the niggling thoughts about how silly I looked in my gigantic floral bathing suit, how cold the water was, and how I'd have no way to drive home if a wave pulled me under and I lost a contact lens, and I went for it. And it was SO MUCH FUN.

This summer's motto: Do it anyway. You'll be glad you did.

My sister has photographic evidence of my little head bobbing in the waves...I'll post here as soon as she sends it to me.

Here's to a summer of looking ridiculous :)

Conversations & Complexity

2010-06-28T22:10:00.007-05:00

Last week I recorded a podcast interview with the fabulous Christy Tennant of the International Arts Movement in NYC. Oh how I love her! And as someone with dreams of building a cultural center (like NY's 92nd Street Y) here in Boston, I was so excited to learn about IAM and the things they're doing.

Conversations like this are one of my favorite parts of launching a new book out into the world. We authors joke about how we only want to hear great reviews and cringe at words of criticism, and with my first book, I was right there with them. After all, that book was very much my story, my romantic and spiritual ups and downs in all their vulnerable, pathetic, yet somehow-it-miraculously-all-worked-out glory. (To this day, when I see that book on a bookstore shelf, I feel like a part of me is sitting there, hoping to be taken home and loved. Pitiful!)

The new book is different. It's about my story, but in a larger sense this time. There's more reflection, and I had a bit more room to observe the world around me and say, "Um, I think some things are crazy here..." I have some opinions. I knew, even when writing, that not every reader would agree with me. That was exciting, truth be told. Because as long as we're not attacking each other, or criticizing who we are as people, disagreeing about ideas can lead to amazing things--solutions, possibilities, even (dare we hope?) that elusive collective genius we hope for whenever we gather together to try to solve a problem.

In grad school, my favorite book was a science book called COMPLEXITY. It was the story of a revolutionary gathering of scientists from all different disciplines--biology, chemistry, economics, psychology--looking at complexity theory through the lenses of their different fields to see if their collective knowledge would lead to new understanding. I love the idea of these sorts of gatherings, even with all their messy, ego-filled personality clashes. I like interesting conversations with people who have thought hard about what they think and why.

If you like these sorts of (complex) conversations, I have a couple of cool invitations for you!

First, the Blue Ocean Summit here in Cambridge, MA, August 2-4. This will be the third year for this conference, which is the most provocative, inspiring gathering I know for people who are thinking about questions of faith within a city culture. I'll be speaking, which of course makes it extra exciting, right? ;)

Second, I'm working on a series of workshops (tentatively called "Creativity: Behind the Scenes") to take on the road this Fall and Winter, based on the fun experience sharing a stage with the guys in Ryanhood at my launch party. There's something about "nerding out" with other artists across genres that is surprisingly motivational, and I'd like to create more of that. If this sounds like something you and your friends would be interested in hosting, drop me an email and let's talk.

And for now, tell me: What do you like/not like/hope for/fear from complex conversations?

Oh Happy Day!

2010-06-24T11:23:00.006-05:00

Last night's party was amazing: 100+ of my favorite people, fun sharing the ups and downs of the writing process, musical accompaniment from the guys of Ryanhood (it's so much less scary to be onstage when you're up there with friends & having a conversation...although I had to put down the mic and sit down while they played so I didn't ruin the moment w/accidental backup vocals :) ), and some of the most amazing food ever. Even the wine tasted extra special. It was a good, good night.

I'll have more details and pictures up soon. But until then, check out the other highlight of my week: my interview with Gretchen Rubin, author of THE HAPPINESS PROJECT, on what makes me happy.

Launch Day!

2010-06-22T05:52:00.004-05:00

It's book launch day today! I've been up since 4:00am (THAT DOG doesn't want to miss a minute of summer, apparently) so right now I feel almost exactly the way I did the morning of my wedding: thrilled and amazed that this day has finally arrived, excited about the party...and so exhausted I barely know my name. My lone goal for tomorrow's celebration is for my hair to look slightly better than it did on my wedding day (a hungover hairdresser wound my hair into a peculiar little bun that made me look like a lost extra from Little House on the Prairie). It's all about small, achievable goals right now. I'm off to heat up the flatiron...

But first: if you're one of the people who has cheered me up and on during the crazy process of writing/editing/waiting for publication of this book...thank you. I appreciate every comment and word of encouragement. And for those of you who have taken an hour or two out of your busy lives to read my books? A huge, awkward cyber hug for you!!!

Take Action!

2010-06-21T07:50:00.006-05:00

Like the rest of the world, I was captivated by Greg Mortenson's tales of courage and determination in his memoir, Three Cups of Tea. It was one of the best books I read last year (I've been saving the sequel, Stones Into Schools for my vacation next month).

One of the things I admire about Greg is the bold way he admits that we authors need help. In the back of both his books he includes a section entitled, "Take Action." It's a list of things you can do to spread the word about his books, his work, and the causes he cares and writes about. It's both candid and helpful.

Today, I'm re-creating a version of it here. As someone with a new book "officially" launching tomorrow, I'd be SO grateful if you did any of these things to help spread the word. And as a lover of books, I'd be elated if you picked a book you've enjoyed and applied these steps to help that author, too. Here's the list of how you can TAKE ACTION! to put A Maze of Grace on the map:

1. Visit www.Trishryanonline.com for more information. I'll be updating this week with links to the organizations I mention in the book, pictures, and events.

2. Suggest A Maze of Grace to a friend; colleague; book club; women's group; church; civic group; university creative writing class; pre-marital class...or any person or gathering interested in memoir/questions of dating and marriage/spiritual exploration/women's issues/faith and politics.

3. Check if A Maze of Grace is in your local library. If not, either donate a copy or suggest to the library that they add A Maze of Grace to their collection. Ask your friends and family in other states to do this also.

4. Encourage your local independent or chain bookstore to carry this book if they do not have it.

5. Write a book review of A Maze of Grace for Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, or a blog. Your candid comments will help bring awareness of this (or any) book.

6. Ask the book editor of your local newspaper or radio station to consider letting you review the book.

7. And finally, a fun, personal step particular to today: click over to The Divining Wand to see a review of A Maze of Grace and leave a comment for a chance to win a copy!

Thanks for reading, and for helping. It really (really) makes a difference in a world where every copy sold counts!

And I'd love to hear: Do you have other suggestions for spreading the word about books you love? Start here, leaving a note in the comment about a great title, so we can read it too!

Beach reads: Three novels I love

2010-06-20T11:02:00.014-05:00

I know it's not usually the done thing to blog about other people's books two days before one's own book launches, but I can't help myself. I've read three REALLY great novels in the past couple of weeks, and I want to share them with you, in case you're looking for a summer escape yourself. If it helps motivate you to click over to Amazon or head to your local library, pretend I'm handing them to you in this adorable tote bag, and picture yourself heading off for a day of sunny relaxation!

STAY by Allie Larkin. As you can tell from THAT DOG's frequent appearances on the blog, I'm a dog person. I love every book Alison Pace has ever written and am excited to welcome Allie Larkin into our club of writers who adore dogs. STAY is a poignant story of that feeling we've all had that we've lost it all (told through a character who really had). But the ending is both happy and satisfying, and I loved every minute with this book.

THE MURDERER'S DAUGHTERS by Randy Susan Meyers. I met Randy at a gathering of Boston authors who Tweet, and the minute she handed me her card I fell in love with her cover. The story inside is just as gorgeous. Two sisters, struggling to make a life for themselves and figure out what "family" means after their father murders their mother. The characters in this book are so real I feel like they might email me with an update.

THE SEASON OF SECOND CHANCES by Diane Meier. I think I loved this book because part of me identified with the main character: when I'm hurt or scared, my core instinct is to retract into myself--to eschew emotion and follow whatever semblance of intellect and logic I can cobble together. But most of us don't really want to be alone, at least not forever. I liked how this story unfolded.

Let me know if you read these...and what books you're loving as summer kicks off. Thanks for humoring me as I took a brief break from trying to lob my own books into your beach tote ;)

BOGOF!

2010-06-15T13:50:00.002-05:00

I once dated a guy whose biggest joy in life was found in the words, "Buy one, get one free." He was a doctor, so it wasn't about the money. I think it was that sense of getting something extra, of using your resources in some sort of maximal way. I wanted to be appalled (really, he was a little strange about the whole thing)...but I'm the daughter of a man whose FAVORITE CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER was a gift certificate to Goodwill (my sister's genius idea), so the truth is, I understood exactly what he meant when he'd do a little hop of glee upon seeing a BOGOF sign.

(Looking back, the hop of glee probably explains why we didn't make it as a couple...)

All that to say, today is BOGOF day here at Trish's Dishes!

My new book, A MAZE OF GRACE officially launches in one week! Amazon is shipping, and I've had friends send me pictures from all over to celebrate that it's already in bookstores--I'm caught off guard, and feel the need to celebrate this early release. So I thought I'd do a give-away inspired by my friend Ivy:

This past Sunday at church, when I went up to give Ivy a hug, she was near the bookstore holding both my books in her hand. She's the mom of a bunch of little kids, and so had never read book one. "I want to read them in order," she said. (For obvious reasons, I hugged her again.)

It occurred to me later that day that she might not be the only one who would prefer to read the whole story of my romantic & spiritual adventures, rather than jump in mid-stream. And for those of you who want to give MAZE as a gift (have I mentioned that it's PERFECT for bridal showers? Birthdays? Independence Day for the friend who just had the bad breakup and is afraid life will never work out?) the set makes it extra-special.

So here's the plan:
Buy a copy of A MAZE OF GRACE between today and the official launch date (June 22).
Send a copy of your receipt (scanned store receipts count, too) to Trishryanonline AT gmail.com. Include your mailing address (no worries...I won't use for any other purposes) and I'll send you a FREE copy of my first book, HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT.

Buy this one, get this one free :)

A behind-the-scenes admission: Authors do these sorts of giveaways because readers are so valuable. Without you--and your decision to spend $20 and a couple of hours with us--we don't have jobs. So to all of you who are buying my books, asking for them at the library, reading them, telling your friends, writing reviews on blogs or Amazon...THANK YOU. I'm incredibly, indescribably grateful.

And happy to share the BOGOF fun :)

The Niece Toss

2010-06-14T10:23:00.004-05:00

This is a picture of me with my 6 year-old niece, SPARKLE GIRL. We'd just arrived at the beach, it was colder than expected, and despite the fact that I was not even touching the water, she was shrieking in terrified laughter--sort of sure I wouldn't really toss her in...but not entirely.

Remember that feeling? Being half afraid something will happen, and half afraid it won't?

I don't have any deep point I'm driving towards, except perhaps a reminder to myself of things I tend to lose sight of:

Summer is here...Life is good...It's fun to be scared by the sudden arrival of new possibilities, even if they involve a complete loss of control...especially when I'm with people I love.

What are your summer epiphanies? What do you want to remember as you dive (or are tossed) into the next three months?

Celebration & a sneak peak!

2010-06-09T08:00:00.005-05:00

It's here!!!!!!!

Okay, not here, exactly...it's at my friends' house :)

Paul & Pascha just sent me an email entitled, "Wahoo! Lookie what came this AM!" with this picture of my new book, fresh out of the box from Amazon... (I haven't even seen a copy yet, so I'm contemplating a hike across the city to gaze in their window in astonishment).

Then I discovered my Q&A featured on the awesome book blog, The Divining Wand. This is so exciting for me, as TDW has introduced me to more great books & authors than the NYTimes Book Review and the front table at B&N combined. I'm honored to be "revealed" there.

In honor of all this fun, I'm doing two things...

First, re-posting links to Giselle's happy dance in Enchanted and Kool & The Gang singing Celebration from my other blog, as that seems like a solid way to set the party mood.

And second, for those of you who (like me) don't yet have a copy of A MAZE OF GRACE in hand, HERE is the first sneak peak of the opening chapters for you to check out!

If you feel inspired to read further, you can have it sent your way immediately! With just a few clicks! From Amazon, IndieBound, Barnes&Noble...or ask for it at your favorite bookstore.

Thanks for celebrating with me :)

Video: The Kylie Chronicles

2010-06-07T22:00:00.002-05:00

Inspired by fellow authors Gretchen Rubin and Allison Winn Scotch, I thought I'd try making a video for a little change of pace here at Trish's Dishes. I wasn't sure what to talk about at first--should I answer questions? Share things few people know about me? Offer tips like Gretchen? (I have no tips, so this last one was never really a contender). Then I thought, "What do I want to know when I meet an author? I want to know what goes on behind the scenes, something that didn't make the book..."

And thus, a video was born! As I've shared before, my books require A LOT of editing. So I have plenty of behind the scenes stories to share from the cutting room floor.

For the inaugural video, I picked one of my favorite topics: behind the scenes with THAT DOG (I got her a pet store in North Philly while looking for a fish...) Here she is, at her grumpiest and least photogenic. I was SO excited for her internet debut, and she wanted NOTHING to do with this project. If you need a laugh, here you go. Enjoy!

Isn't she a star??? Okay, maybe not. I realize this. But she's wonderful, nonetheless :)

Next time, I'll talk about some aspect of the writing process. What super secret, behind the scenes things would you like to know???

Great Escapes

2010-06-06T21:03:00.003-05:00

This weekend was filled with lightening and thunderstorms, and I dove into books to help me recalibrate. Don't you love how a good read lets you escape into another world for awhile? I wanted to pass the word along about a few gems I'm extra-grateful for right now:

First came a re-read: Alison Pace's PUG HILL. Oh, how I love a dog story, and even more so when it has all the elements of romantic comedy and interesting tidbits about a cool profession (art restoration) I'd never learn about any other way. I can't believe this book hasn't been made into a movie...yet :)

Second, on the spirituality front, a spectacular new memoir by Joan Ball: FLIRTING WITH FAITH. Our stories have much in common so I related to so much of what she wrote. But what I really appreciated was her entertaining writing style, which kept me happily turning pages long past my bedtime.

And finally, Ann Leary's novel, OUTTAKES FROM A MARRIAGE. A super-fun tale of life in the glamorous, complicated world of celebrity. Exactly what I needed.

Later this week I'll have a sneak peak of the first chapter of my new book (which I hope will also provide a fun escape for readers) just as soon as I figure out to embed the code :)

Better Together

2010-06-01T07:31:00.003-05:00

A group of friends and I do this thing we call high/low when we get together, catching each other up on the best news and the hardest challenge from the previous week. Today as I think about that, I can't even imagine where to start.

I think my low and the high are surprisingly intertwined around the complicated emotions of the funeral of our friend Andrew, who died in the prime of life. It was devastating, on the one hand. But as I looked around me at the 700+ people who gathered to celebrate his life on Saturday morning, and then watched a fleet of Massachusetts State Troopers work heroically to get our funeral procession safely through the tangle of intersections, rotaries, and traffic tangles between North Cambridge and Jamaica Plain/Boston (I think that alone restored my faith that miracles are still possible), I was struck by how well Andrew lived to give rise to such a celebration in a mere 38 years. Powerful stuff.

And the theme of this celebration, as friends from different years of his life spoke, wasn't huge professional accomplishments or daring feats of bravado...it was relationships. Andrew changed the world by spending time with & enjoying the people in it.

(I'm going to type it again--in bold--so when I scroll back over this I'll remember:
Andrew changed the world by spending time with & enjoying the people in it.)

The song that opened Andrew's funeral summed it up: Jack Johnson's Better Together.
I sort of knew this was true before, but now I'm convinced.

Speaking of which...

1. Today is the first day of 40 Days of Faith, 2010...so if you're looking for a hope infusion, check it out here!

2. Today also marks the beginning of launch month for my new book, A MAZE OF GRACE: A MEMOIR OF SECOND CHANCES. As I've mentioned before, pre-orders are a huge help to an author's career, so if you're so inclined, here are easy links to help you order from Amazon, and IndieBound. Thank you!!!

Here's to life, better together :)

George has a point

2010-05-27T09:50:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning thinking about this song, needing George Michael to remind me not to settle when it comes to my big dreams in life...

If this feels like you, too--if you could use some time to pick your heart up off the floor (and hope for something more)--come join me at my other blog, for 40 Days of Faith 2010. We'll spend some time getting in touch with our hopes and dreams, and hanging out with God to see what he has to say. Join us! I think you'll be happy you did :)

Both/And

2010-05-25T21:24:00.006-05:00

Thanks to all who've sent condolences...I so appreciate them, as does everyone in our church family. And I apologize for the radio silence. I was offline for most of the weekend, as we filmed a class I help teach called Seek at the incredible WGBH studios. My friend and pastor Dave flashed his superhero cred, giving six talks one day, eight the next (all while being filmed by 3 cameras, before an audience of 60-85 people). Then Sunday, those of us who help with Seek filmed behind the scenes commentary, as if we were on a talk show. It was super fun, and not just because for the first time I thought of Dave as Oprah :)

It's weird to have fun in the midst of mourning. It messed with my head a bit. On one of my rare moments online, I found my joy squashed by utter frustration, as a glitch/delay in Facebook's posting of my blog made it look like I commented on Andrew's death...and then immediately segued into my love of 1980s shoulder pads. I was horrified. But then I realized how closely this mirrors real life. It's rarely either/or...it's both/and.

Last night I wrapped up a series of talks on Relationships & Spirituality. Our conversation centered mostly around this tension--how we live each day in the balance between dreams deferred and dreams come true. It's not easy. The big temptation is to focus on our heartbreak, trying to fix it, or allowing ourselves to be pulled under and drowned by disappointment. But the primary antidote we're offered is equally unhelpful, as if a coat of "fake it til you make it" happy dust makes all bad/hard/disappointing things go away. I don't think that's the abundant life God created us for. I think God made us strong enough to live in the tension, and to embrace it all as real.

As I learned from a sitcom in my childhood, You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life...

As odd as it sounds, I feel like this collision of sadness and joy has made life bigger. And I'm not alone (as so many conversations over the past 6 days have confirmed). It makes me want to pray more, and connect with God's big plan. Later this week, I'll be sharing my thoughts on what this might look like, in case you want to join in. In the meantime, thanks for being here. It means a lot.

Sad News

2010-05-21T07:58:00.002-05:00

Our friend and pastor, Andrew Snekvik, died yesterday morning. He was surrounded by his family, loved, prayed over, and by all accounts died as good a death as one could imagine (as if there is such a thing for a young husband, son, and father?), trusting that there is life beyond this life.

Those of us here--his friends, his family--are stunned, numb, and mostly just quiet, trying to figure out what this means, how to pray, how to move forward. It's a mystery. It has me thinking about how glibly we toss out comments like death is natural, or death is part of life, making it sound like just another rite of passage. But I think there's more to it than that.

To be clear, I don't mean this in terms of eternal things, or questions of heaven and hell. I mean in terms of this life, and the glimpses we get that we live in a big, spiritual world, and that there's more going on around us than what we see.

Jesus talked about how our eyes aren't always the most trustworthy source of information. We're admonished to try a sensory shift: to keep our eyes on Him, looking away from the world around us, and to open our ears. As if somehow this creates the space for God to come through on his promise, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

Today, I'm calling.

What I learned from Wife Swap

2010-05-19T14:57:00.009-05:00

Monday the glamorous...today the mundane! If you've been around the blog for any length of time, you know that while my life has almost no routine at all, one constant is that if I'm at home at lunchtime, I spend a half hour or so watching reality TV. No idea why this works for me--maybe it's getting to dine with entertainingly bizarre friends without being responsible for their drama?--but it does.

So today I whizzed through a DVR of 19 Kids and Counting in about 7 minutes. (As much as I adore the Duggers, it just wasn't all that exciting watching them go to the zoo...although I appreciated Jim Bob Dugger consoling his scared 2-year old by saying, "Don't worry honey...it's just an elephant!") Which left me with 2 choices: Tyra and the wannabe models, or wives trading places.

I went with the wives because I don't quite know what to make of Tyra...

I'm so glad I did! Admittedly, these ladies were a tad on the extreme side. One played the slots from midnight to 4am everyday, while the other had her teenage sons on leashes. One was a slob, the other a clean freak. And this, my friends, was where I learned today's life lesson!

When the time came to swap rules, Mrs. Neat Freak made Mr. Slob help with the cleaning. He remarked repeatedly how much time it took. That's when the light bulb lit up over my head: this stuff takes time!

I have never, ever made time for cleaning--not even once. I can't even imagine it crossing my mind when planning my week (which explains a lot, really...) It gets done, either when the clutter reaches a critical level or we have people coming over (which happens at least once a week, thus saving us from being buried alive). Today I wondered, though: what would it be like to NOT have to scramble all over the house speed cleaning 15 minutes before guests ring the bell? Or to get dressed out of my closet & dresser, rather than out of piles of folded clothes that never quite get put away?

As romantic and exciting as this sounds (and I'm not kidding--it sounds spectacular) here's what I don't understand: how do you get to the point where you believe that cleaning is the best use of your time? How do you make it a priority? All tips welcome. Otherwise, I'll be stuck watching one of those extreme clean shows for tips...or the ones on hoarding for reassurance that our status quo isn't all that bad.

How do you handle stuff around the house?

Good news from Publishers Weekly!

2010-05-17T09:42:00.005-05:00

I just saw the Publishers Weekly review for A MAZE OF GRACE. And it's fabulous!!! I'm shaking right now, all teared up & soggy. I hadn't realized how nervous I was about this until I read the review (and then re-read it six or seven times). The relief is unbelievable.

Here's why: MAZE was a tough book to write. It's super-personal, even more so than HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT. It's real and raw and (in a few places) heartbreaking, even for me. But it's also--like me--fun and funny, and a little absurd. Which was a weird balance in the midst of the process. Not to mention that life while I was writing was rather tumultuous, and my editors and I were adding and deleting scenes right up until the very last moment. By the time the book was finalized, I'd sort of lost touch with whether it was "good" or not, in the big-picture sort of way: Was it entertaining and encouraging...and something you'd want to give to all your friends? I hoped (and I certainly prayed) so. I'm tearfully grateful to report that he folks at Publishers Weekly say yes:

A Maze of Grace: A Memoir of Second Chances
Ryan (He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not) returns with another spiritual memoir, bringing back her trademark wit, humor, and honesty. Her first book portrayed her journey toward love after a promise to “take Jesus seriously”; this sequel chronicles her spiritual and romantic life during the first five years of her marriage. Each chapter focuses on a unique struggle or revelation, from the joys and challenges of marriage to body image and politics; as a result, the book reads more like a compilation of short essays or long blog entries rather than one continuous narrative. Most admirably, Ryan, currently part of the pastoral staff of Vineyard Church, is able to present herself as a believing Christian who recognizes that spirituality can be both simple and complex, a universal experience that can be felt in an infinite number of ways. Ryan does not evangelize, instead humbly and humorously offering her own experience for interpretation. Readers of all faiths can enjoy this memoir for its humanity and its honest exploration of relationships and religion, showing how those two things can often intertwine. (June)

If you decide to read it, I hope you'll feel the same.
Thanks for letting me share the good news :)

There's a pony in here somewhere...

2010-05-14T11:45:00.003-05:00

Okay, never mind my deep philosophizing about the Real Housewives of NYC. I just watched last night's episode and the reminder, "If you don't have anything nice to say..." has rendered me all but mute. But I'm a determined girl, and finding some nice amongst the crazy seems a challenge worth undertaking. So here's my attempt to dig a bit of gold from the rubble:

1. Bethenny's sense of humor is back. I'd forgotten how funny she is when she's not plugging a product. Her comment about all Hooters girls coming from Michigan (refuting Kelly's claim that her Midwestern roots keep her pure) has had me giggling for the past hour.

2. LuAnn was wearing a very pretty turquoise necklace as she launched her singing career...and taught us all a valuable lesson in how awkward it can be when we believe the people who flatter us. Thank you, Countess!

3. Speaking of valuable lessons, as an author, I noted the "above and beyond" effort by LuAnn's date to promote his book. It never even occurred to me to kiss up to a housewife to get the word out. So, um...good for him!

4. Ramona reminded me of one of Life's Great Truths: a bit of dancing (or "turtle time" as it's now known?!?) makes everything better...and helps you sweat out the Pinot Grigio so you'll look good in a bathing suit in front of the cameras come morning.

5. And finally, in the ultimate triumph: the ladies managed to stage SUCH a scene on the Hooters boat with their bickering that Bravo never had to cut to B-roll of the bimbets. Way to hold focus!

I'm off to watch something calm and soothing to recalibrate the assault on my psyche.

Life Philosophy, a la Real Housewives

2010-05-12T12:51:00.004-05:00

Here's what I learned at lunch from the Real Housewives:

There's a qualitative difference between the ladies of New Jersey and their NYC counterparts. Basically, it comes down to aspiration. New York is a city that requires you to define yourself: Where are you going? What are your dreams? So even if you're not quite sure of the answers, it's pretty easy to find yourself making it up as you go along. Which is insanity-provoking...and the genesis of most creative greatness.

New Jersey (at least the corner we see on the show) is a different kind of place. The boundaries are clearer: you're either in or out of various groups, and once that is established, everyone is free to relax, make sauce, and talk about the state of their "chuckies." You can kind of just BE, because your eyes aren't always fixed on the next rung up on the social or artistic ladder. (Unless you're frantically shoving your children in front of talent scouts and pageant judges...that's a different post).

Now I don't mean to romanticize either perspective. But I wonder if I don't secretly long for a bit of both in my life? I'd never be happy just making sauce (okay, I'm not sure I'd ever be happy spending a whole day in the garage sorting & grinding tomatoes. Prego is fine by me...) but I love the idea that we can both strive AND relax--that life is big enough to encompass both.

My other take home from the Real Housewives? BLING IS BACK!!! I totally love the glitzy, over the top sparkly jewelry (and shoes...and tops...and children) they flash around. Oh the outfit possibilities I'd find for a lunch with these girls!

So now I'm dreaming of a day at the bead store with Dina (my fav housewife), Caroline, and Teresa. Let the sparkle and candid girl talk roll :)

Reality Clash

2010-05-12T11:42:00.002-05:00

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers for Andrew...you guys are the best.

Part of the tension of ongoing illness--my sister and I have had this conversation so many times as our parents have gone through different health challenges--is how relentlessly life moves on. After dwelling in this "in between" place on so many different occasions, I think that's a good thing. One of the many graces I've found is that right there next to my big questions about life and death is a new episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey on my DVR.

I'm off to watch it now while I eat some lunch. And if this leads me to deep thoughts of enduring significance (or a rant about botox and the unnaturalness of cats with no hair...) I'll be back to share!

Warning: Intense Post Ahead

2010-05-10T10:21:00.005-05:00

I was at a retreat this weekend, deep in the New Hampshire woods. It was spectacular, being out there in the middle of the mountains, next to a lake, seeing the world "wake up" into spring after a long winter. Here in New England, spring feels like a miracle, every single year.

And (to be honest) we were people in need of a miracle. The retreat was for leaders of our church here in Cambridge: a time for us to hang out, connect with each other and with God. And as we were gathered in New Hampshire, talking, laughing, eating, and sharing stories, we were also getting phone updates from back home in Boston, about one of our pastor's struggles with what could be the final stages of colon cancer. He's in the hospital now.

His name is Andrew, his wife is Val. They're young parents, with three boys. They came out to Cambridge from California more than a decade ago to help start this church, and are beloved, awesome friends. That this is happening to them is somewhat unbelievable, and yet totally, unavoidably real.

And so as the news came in, bit by bit, we were stunned. It felt like we were free-falling, along with Andrew's health--like everything was moving faster than we'd thought possible. And yet in the middle of this gut-wrenching news, there we were surrounded by the miracle of Spring. It felt like God reminding us, "There's a bigger picture here...I take the long view...let me show you my perspective." And he did, a little bit. But then we'd get another update, and the panic would return. It was (and is) the strangest sort of tension.

Somehow, this juxtaposition has renewed my courage to pray, "God, please heal Andrew..." And yet at the same time to believe that if God's plans are different, he knows better than I do, and I can trust that. It's a complex feeling, one I can't really describe. But I wanted to try.

In the Gospel of John, when Jesus tells his friends he's about to be killed, he gives them some strange marching orders: "Do not let your heart be troubled," he says. Twice. I've been trying to obey this command, asking God for help. And you know what? It's kind of working. I'm still sad, and scared, and praying at odd intervals, "God, PLEASE don't let this happen!!!" But there's a core of calm inside of me--that isn't me--suggesting that even now, in the midst of this, it's safe to pray, "God, may your kingdom come, and your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

If you want to add your prayers to this bowl for Andrew and Val and their sons, our church family would be so very grateful.

Thanks for reading, you guys. In tough times and in celebratory times, I'm so happy to be part of our blog community!

A Girl After My Own Heart

2010-05-05T14:03:00.006-05:00

I love MY FAIR LAZY. You, if you have the slightest sense of humor, will love MY FAIR LAZY too. (And yes, the double links are intentional--buy two copies, as you'll want an extra to give away by the time you reach page 13). I'm a longtime fan of Jen Lancaster, a regular tourist in the land of Jennsylvania...and I'm happy to report that this is her finest work to date.

Now I know some government agency or other now requires that we book loving bloggers disclose when we receive a free volume from a publisher, so herein lies said disclosure. But let me say that the arrival of this particular package on my doorstep was such an unexpectedly delightful gift, I was half convinced someone had forgotten my birthday and pulled some strings to get me an advance copy of MFL to make up for it. (If that's you, reader...well done! Feel free to forget any holiday you want next year ;) )

I won't belabor my effusive enjoyment of this book, except to say that it made me laugh so hard I had to declare a 5' no-beverage zone around myself while reading, lest I spurt coffee/oj/cabernet from my elegant little nose. Even now, weeks after reading the last page, I keep the book face out on my living room bookshelf. The mere sight of those leopard print slippers makes me giggle. I love me some Jen.

Looking for a fun read to chase your cares away? This is the book for you :)

We have winners!

2010-05-04T10:17:00.002-05:00

Thanks all for your participating in my Party/Presents Fandango last week...loved your comments about what is making you happy.

I think it will surprise no one that the winner of the ARC of A MAZE OF GRACE is...KimQuiltz! She interviewed a goatherd! What I love about this (besides the absurdity) is how in addition to making her happy, it brought a smile to every single visitor to my blog after she posted. That's spreading the love :)

The winner of the ROCK THE TOT T-shirt is...KristyWes! She lives in NYC where one must wear black, so I trust this t-shirt will be a well-loved addition to her wardrobe :) I mean, who else in the city will be wearing that t-shirt???

And the mystery present goes to...JanaGC!!! What is this gift, you ask? Let me tell you...
A few weeks back I came home to the most wonderful of sights: a package from Amazon.com on my doorstep. Inside was a memoir I'd won on the splendiferous site of all things bookish & good, The Diving Wand. The memoir is called FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES MALARIA, by Eve Brown-White. I read it in 18 hours, totally drawn into the story of her adventures in the Peace Corps and with CARE in Uganda. To reach a reader like me (I don't even like camping, let alone multi-year adventures in the bush) this means the author did a great job of writing a compelling story. So I'll be paying it forward, sending a copy of this excellent book to JanaCG so it can inspire her, too.

Congratulations everyone! Kim, Kristy, & Jana: send your address to me at Trishryanonline AT gmail.

Let's continue the party...What's making you happy today?

For me? SUNSHINE. I'll be taking THAT DOG for a walk, so we can get our dose of vitamin D :)

Party! Presents!

2010-04-29T09:48:00.004-05:00

I can't find the camera cord. Am quite frustrated. But instead of generating an entire post of whining, I've decided to throw a little party, here at Trish's Dishes.

We're going to celebrate, people! We're going to give stuff away!

What stuff, you say? Good stuff!

First up: an Advance Copy of my new book!
This will be worth gazillions someday. Seriously! It will be known as, "the early draft in which Trish attempts to quote John Steinbeck but quotes John Updike instead." We've corrected the problem for the final edition, so this ARC is rare! If you win it, read carefully....who knows what other authorial disasters lie within??? (I can say this with confidence because they hired a copy editor to remove my disasters AFTER the advance copies went to press. So the ARCs are quite special)

Second: A Rock the Tot T-shirt!
What's Rock the Tot you ask? It's a combination of all things wonderful: A contest...for eating... Tater Tots! I received this T-shirt while in Grand Rapids (clearly the waiter looked at me and thought, This girl has eaten a tater or two in her time...) but sadly was not in town long enough to attend the event. But the t-shirt is spectacular. You can see it here, modeled by our waiter (who had big dreams of tot-consuming glory) on my friend Cary's blog.

Third: A MYSTERY Gift!
What is it? I don't know. But I like things that come in threes, so I feel like there should be three presents at our little party here today. So I'll come up with something spectacular.

Want to win? Leave a comment below. Tell us something that's making you happy this week. Big or small, profound or simple. Let's celebrate :)

Placeholder post re: NYC

2010-04-27T12:17:00.004-05:00

So this isn't my real post about my trip to NYC last week. This is the placeholder post I'm putting up to reassure you that I haven't dropped off of the planet--I've simply misplaced the cord that lets me move pictures from my camera to my laptop.

But soon you will see pictures:

*Of my friend High Fashion Girl and I in Washington Square!

*Of two of my favorite novelists, Alison Pace (PUG HILL, IF ANDY WARHOL HAD A GIRLFRIEND) & Hyatt Bass (THE EMBERS)...with the genius crafter of thrillers Jason Pinter (the Henry Parker Novels) in the background, slightly obscured by the flash!

*Of my video filming, with the crew who somehow coaxed coherent sentences with me after the high of so much NYC fun!

But first, I must find that cord...

Trish in the City

2010-04-22T10:20:00.003-05:00

Last night was one of those nights that had me wondering if I was being followed by a camera crew for the NYC Bureau of Tourism. So. Much. Cool. Stuff.

My friend High Fashion Girl and I went out for dinner in the West Village, at a ridiculously improbable restaurant called SushiSamba It features Japanese cuisine with...Peruvian influences. So wrong...and yet so very right. We had one sushi roll topped with mozzarella and fried onion bits which had me wondering if I'd ever enjoy other food again. Between that & the yummy strawberry martini, I didn't even mind that the bathroom had one of those attendants who turns the water on for you, squirts your soap and then expects a tip. (I gave her a dollar. She has a strange job. Who am I to argue?)

After stuffing ourselves to near oblivion, we walked around the West Village. I'd never been down there, and loved it. It was the perfect place to talk, watch, explore...as we walked up to Washington Square to take the obligatory picture of the Empire State Building through the arch, that's when I started to look around for cameras. Because this was the city at its best.

Right now I'm at my agent's office, typing on her assistant's computer (Hi Stephanie! Thank you!) and waiting to meet a bunch of writers whose books I love at a lunch at the Algonquin. This is what I love about New York: there are so many creative people, all doing their genius thing. It's like I get to breathe in new momentum for my own creativity. Thank you, NY!

Gotta love inspiration. I'm a grateful girl.

What to wear?

2010-04-21T07:26:00.005-05:00

I'm heading to NY today to film a video for A MAZE OF GRACE! I might be--just maybe--a wee bit excited. There will be the relaxing train ride (I heart Amtrak) and then a fun night catching up with one of my best friends. And then tomorrow I'll meet with my agent--which is essentially writer therapy: she'll cheer me up, tell me I'm the most brilliant writer to ever walk the planet (I hear there's a whole class in hyperbole in agent school)...and then demand that I get my @#$ in gear and get to work. Because if I don't write something, none of cheerleading matters.

Then there's a Roundtable luncheon at the Algonquin Hotel with fabulous Twitter authors to further inspire (so excited to meet them in person), on to film the video, then a beverage of some sort (depending on how the video goes...) with a friend I haven't seen since college.

It's all so, so wonderful. But here's the rub: All this is happening in NY. They wear clothes in NY, and not just normal clothes. There's no such thing as throwing on a fleece & frump jeans to walk the dog in that city. One could run right in to Christian Siriano, and can you even imagine the expression on his face if he saw me? I'd be swooped off to the set of What Not To Wear in a heartbeat (and they give everyone the exact same haircut, so I'm determined to stay out of their clutches.) In NY, every moment (in my imagination at least) is non-stop glamour: the highest of heels, the tightest of jeans, and not a muffin top in sight. It's just like Cambridge...

Only not.

I refuse to panic. In truth, I don't need new outfits, I need a new attitude. In anticipation of my upcoming post on the wisdom I gleaned last week from the venerable Eugene Peterson, I asked myself: "What would Eugene Peterson say if he were here, watching me cram every outfit I own into my little suitcase?"

The answer? I suspect he'd say: "If you meet cool people and have great conversations, it doesn't much matter what you wear." (Then he'd tell me NOT to wear that one pair of jeans under any circumstances, ever. Pragmatic guy, that Eugene.)

I'll be back on Friday with tales of adventure...hopefully none of which will involve me tripping over the sidewalk, spilling coffee all over myself, or ruining our family name. It's good to have big goals :)

Why I love Joshilyn Jackson

2010-04-20T09:36:00.004-05:00

Here we go: Blog #1 in my retrospective of Things Trish Learned at the Festival of Faith & Writing. Up first: Joshilyn Jackson.

Let me set the scene: I slunk into her session exhausted. From life, from the prospect of a new book coming out in what feels like 45 seconds, from the sense every writer I know has that we're not writing/promoting/blogging/tweeting/getting ourselves featured on NPR nearly enough to escape the threat of total failure. So I slid into the front row and flopped in a chair, not because I wanted to get as close to this celebrated novelist as I could, but because I was too tired to squint from the back.

JJ--as I now call her, because in my mind we're not only BFFs, we're cousins (we're both Irish, so it's disturbingly possible)--broke me right out of my funk. She has a self-deprecating sense of humor that she swings about like a sword--slightly manic, and yet in total control. My favorite quote: "I don't understand why authors say that their books are like their babies...you don't sell your babies!" I had to cross my arms in front of me to keep myself from jumping up to hug her.

She shared about being raised in an ultra-conservative Christian home (musical instruments weren't allowed in her church?!?) and then taking a wild turn in the opposite direction when she was old enough to make her own choices. She tried all the things that make new adulthood interesting: sex, drugs, booze, more sex, random men, friends who don't know your last name but know your beer preference... Eventually she realized that she was in over her head, that she and her friends were careening past fun exploration, into full-on self-destruction.

In one of those "whodda thunk it?" moments, she turned to God. After reaffirming to him that she didn't believe he existed (I was laughing so hard I hiccuped at this point) and said, "Fine! I'll read your stupid book!"

What I loved about her story is that she never said she regretted any of her life experiences. As someone with my own adventurous past, it felt good to hear someone else confirm that the world is not black & white, that each of us are on our own spiritual time line, and that things work out in unexpected ways.

Plus, she gave me a vision of how to write a novel that includes faith, but isn't about faith. She gets that books are, first and foremost, about entertainment.

I'm reading her third novel, THE GIRL WHO STOPPED SWIMMING now, primarily because the bookstore had sold out of her first two by the time I got there. I will be forever grateful to JJ for re-energizing me...both in terms of the long full day on Friday, and my dream of a long productive (interesting!) life of humor & creativity.

And for giving me the best possible answer for those awkward moments when someone suggests that my books are somehow substitutes for babies :)

Festival of My Favorite Things

2010-04-18T17:39:00.006-05:00

Just got home from three days in Grand Rapids, Michigan (home of the nicest people on earth) at the Festival of Faith & Writing. FFW is a biannual conference where my two favorite conversations intersect. Perhaps the best part was that they defined "faith" broadly, so every session was filled with new ideas. Some I loved (see: Joshilyn Jackson, below), while others seriously ruffled my feathers (like the author who essentially reduced "miracles" to when something you don't like happens and it improves your attitude....I'm pretty emphatic in believing there's more to it than that). Even (or perhaps especially) because of the feather ruffling, I loved the collision of all these perspectives. And even more than that, I loved the chance to hang out with one of my favorite friends, and meet other writers who take on the challenge of writing about the huge, mysterious subject of spirituality.

Confession: I went with a rather unorthodox agenda for an author with a new book launching in June. On the flight out, I realized that what I was longing for was not networking, but connection. I wanted to get excited about writing again. Not as a job or a calling (I think recent events have left me overly focused--and slightly panicked--about the need to leave a legacy through my writing, thus making it almost impossible to write) but as a way of figuring out the world. You know, fun. Some parts of what you do everyday should be fun, right?

I'll share some of what I discovered through my posts this week. Here's a preview (so tomorrow when life gears up again and I can't remember even going to Grand Rapids, I'll have a frame of reference):

Blog #1: Joshilyn Jackson. So. Damn. Funny.

Blog #2: Eugene Peterson. How to take the larger view of your life and play multiple roles simultaneously (I felt like I was sitting by the fire with Yoda, gaining sage wisdom and learning to trust the force)

Blog #3: Mary Karr. I might have accidentally asked her, in front of several hundred people, how she deals with her inner moron.... That's not at all what I meant. But it might be what I said.

Blog #4: Amy Julia Becker. Connecting with people who get what you're attempting--and are willing to share the secrets they've learned in their own attempts-- is worth more than gold, I've discovered.

Blog #5: Technical frivolity. Why I might maybe be saving my pennies for an iPad.

Blog #6: The really inspiring thing I thought of a minute ago but now can't remember.

(When we get to blog #5, someone please remind me to confess blatant coveting of my my seatmate's MacBook Air on the plane today...)

Okay, time to hit the couch with with Steve & THAT DOG. More tomorrow :)

How did you get there?

2010-04-12T10:42:00.004-05:00

I'm preparing a talk for tonight on Relational Honesty. I'll start with the opening scene from He's Just Not That Into You (where women from all over the world are shown concocting soothing lies for each other about why a guy didn't call) and then talk about how hard it's been for me to be honest when my base response to most of life's awkwardness is to flee (or, if I'm backed into a corner, to flip out.)

As I was working, I flipped over to Twitter (have I mentioned my procrastination skills?) and found a link to these wise words from fellow author/speaker/encourager Donald Miller:

"If you’re writing a paper or presenting a talk, sit and consider how it is you came to understand the point you are trying to make. Track it back through conversations, experiences, and list those experiences. Then see if you can tell a series of stories that would guide an audience to the same epiphany. It works pretty well for me."

That got me thinking: how did I come to understand the importance of relational honesty? What convinced me it would be worth the hard work to move beyond my default settings of flip & flee? As best I can remember, it was watching other people love me enough to be honest, to have difficult conversations they could have avoided, and to feel the joy that comes from being valued so much that people won't give up on me even if I'm being less than delightful. That's a rare and amazing thing.

And let me pause to note that if you haven't felt the sweet relief that comes from a friend saying, "Well yes...those jeans DO make you look fat" in a store dressing room before you've whipped out your wallet...you have something to look forward to in life. You wouldn't think so, but not buying things that make you look bad = An unexpectedly beautiful experience.

Are you good at relational honesty? Tell us: how did you get there?

Readathon/Shopathon

2010-04-10T08:17:00.005-05:00

There's a readathon today! I thought I woke up to late to participate (due to a lovely social gathering last night and a pretty spring drink called The Yellow Parrot) but a quick scan of Twitter revealed that I was only a few minutes behind some folks, so I decided to jump in...like one of those runners in the Boston Marathon who thinks, "No one will mind if I skip the first 20 miles, right?" So even if I'm more a cheerleader than participant for this round, it still sounds fun.

Here are the books on my pile:

THE SWIMMING POOL by Holly LeCraw
DOGTOWN by Elyssa East
THE POSTMISTRESS by Sarah Blake
WENCH by Dolen Perkins-Valdez

Confession: I'll be dividing up my reading time with a visit to the mall. I have two trips in the next two weeks, and I need one of those gigantic purse-on-steroids bags that will hold everything I could possibly need for an entire day in the city: 2 outfits, 3 pairs of shoes, all my makeup, and whatever books I acquire along the way (at which point I'll also need a Sherpa...)

And there will no doubt be a trip by the Apple store, to see if the iPad (or one of its cousins like the Kindle) could lighten my traveling burden. Do you have an e-reader? Which one should I consider? Or do you have a super-purse that makes an e-reader unnecessary? All help appreciated!

Off to read!

There you have it

2010-04-06T11:56:00.002-05:00

The good news: I looked SO CUTE when I went to meet my friend Biology Girl for lunch today!

The bad news: Our lunch is tomorrow.

Trish goes to Harvard (metaphysically, and in real life)

2010-04-05T14:42:00.005-05:00

I'm reading Rebecca Newberger Goldstein's novel, 36 ARGUMENTS FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD. It's brilliant...and intellectually WAY over my head. I'm usually pretty strong swimmer in the vast sea of philosophical/metaphysical/spiritual ideas (my decade of dabbling had its benefits), but RNG's writing has me doing a frantic doggy paddle, trying to stay afloat. I feel like Rory Gilmore in the episode where she goes to Harvard, learns that the library has 15.6 million volumes, and exclaims in despair, "What have I been DOING with my life? I'm so far behind!!"

Still though, I'm loving it.

In related news, I actually went to Harvard over the weekend. My sister and THE NEPHEW were visiting, and we went to the Museum of Natural History. I'm not a museum lover (dead things and exhibits creep me out; reason undetermined) but this was a pretty cool place. Who knew taxidermy could be so intriguing? Add that to a trip to the Skywalk Observatory at the top of the Prudential Center (where THE NEPHEW swore he could see Maine through the mist), and we have now established the standard for 10 year old boy happiness.

Easter!

2010-04-04T12:49:00.003-05:00

Easter is my favorite holiday. Even before I considered myself part of Jesus' intrepid band of followers, I remember thinking that the whole coming back from the dead thing was worth a bit of celebrating. It's unique in that it promises such tangible things: that now, because of Jesus, we can connect with God in a bigger way than we'd have considered...and that the outer limits of what's possible in our lives far exceeds our imagination.

I like having my imagination exceeded. Happy Easter, everyone :)

4 Books/2 Goals

2010-03-29T14:47:00.007-05:00

I am a total sucker for the suggestions Amazon.com makes when I look up a new book. Every once in awhile it leads me to something that makes me laugh so hard that my beverage of the moment comes flying out of my nose. You can't manufacture jolts of happiness like this; you simply appreciate them when the arrive.

Yesterday, Amazon recommended Diana Joseph's I'M SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY: THE ASTONISHING BUT TRUE STORY OF A DAUGHTER, SISTER, SLUT, WIFE, MOTHER AND FRIEND TO MAN & DOG. I love the title. But what I love even more is Diana Joseph's blog, particularly the post where she highlights some of the responses to her book--good, bad, and uniformly hysterical.

It makes me a bit jealous, to be honest. I mean, I write specifically about spiritual-type things...do you think even ONE evangelical pastor has written to tell me about the behavior proclivities of his or her pet? No! At least now I have a goal...

In other book news, the weekend's New York Times Book Review was perhaps the best ever in terms of expanding my reading horizons. Titles I'm excited to check out:

THE HOLE WE'RE IN a novel about a family in a credit crunch by Gabrielle Zevin

THE SABBATH WORLD, a memoir about the Forth Commandment by Judith Shulevitz (which appeals to me partly because I'm desperate for a vacation.) It's "deckle edged" which is the publisher's way of saying, This is an IMPORTANT book!

***Trish's Goal #2 (after the evangelical pet review): Write an IMPORTANT book worthy of Deckle Edge!

TO LIVE OR PERISH FOREVER, a memoir of two years in Pakistan. (The author can thank Greg Mortenson for my new interest in Central Asia.)

And to show that I'm not nearly as bookish as this post might indicate, the thing I'm most excited about right now? The Real Housewives of New Jersey will be back May 3rd!!!

Two books & the seduction of privilege

2010-03-29T10:08:00.005-05:00

I read two books over the weekend, and the cumulative effect kind of messed with my head.

The first was the novel, THE PRIVILEGES, by Jonathan Dee. At first I loved it--it's well written and fast paced, and (I'll confess) I like reading about characters like this couple who care about no one other than themselves and their own financial/social upward movement. I wouldn't want to know these people, but it was interesting to spend an afternoon in their company. But (without giving too much away) the book bummed me out by the end. The husband & wife never moved even an inch outside of their own wants and needs, even as they became international jet-flying billionaires. There were vague allusions to them "contributing to the world," but that was never connected to anything other than further burnishing their own image. And when their son dabbled in the possibility of doing something that could matter, he hit a roadblock and gave up, retreating into his privileges.

It made me sad because it seems so true. Most of us are tempted to retreat into our privileges, right?

So you can imagine my internal shock when I picked up the next book in my TBR pile, Greg Mortenson's THREE CUPS OF TEA. Talk about not retreating! I loved this book partly because of the nature of Mortenson's mission: building schools for girls in Afghanistan & Pakistan as a way to promote peace. But I love the larger message even more: If you have a dream, it will cost you. There will be setbacks and obstacles, and times when it feels like all is lost. Push through, don't give up, even when it's not easy. Believe that it will be worth it. Don't be seduced by the privileges.

Risk or Opportunity?

2010-03-24T11:46:00.005-05:00

Jennifer Love Hewitt has a book out about love??? I'm simultaneously fascinated and horrified. Not in the usual, "Who does she think she is?" way that gets tossed out at authors who don't have their entire lives sewn up into a perfect package (JLH is already getting some of this...I heard about her book in a news alert about how her boyfriend broke up with her right as her book launched...as she put it, "Awkward!"). But because it seems like a HUGE risk for her.

She's only thirty-one. Which probably feels old to her in our current society (and multiply that pressure by 1000 when you're an actress). But she has a lot of life ahead of her...and one hopes at least one really great, long-lasting relationship.

As tempting as it is to go public with our mistakes and heartbreaks, I'm really glad my first attempt at a book--one remarkably like JLH's (including the boyfriend who broke up with me after I finished writing about our great love)--was never published. Because by the time I met Steve, I was a different person. He knows my past...as does anyone who read He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not (my next attempt). But I think there's something to be said for how Steve had a chance to know me as a person first. Writing things down captures them (and to some extent you) in a specific time, place, and mindset. Which is part of both the beauty of non-fiction...and the risk.

What do you think: mistake or opportunity? Given the chance, would you publish your ups & downs with love?

Like Salt & Pepa: Let's Talk About S-x

2010-03-22T09:02:00.002-05:00

I’m giving a talk on spirituality & relationships tonight. Specifically, the physical side of romantic relationships, and how it connects to our interactions with God, ourselves, and the world around us.

(Funny side note: My sister just called. I said, “I can’t talk now...I’m in the weeds...I’m working on a talk about s-x.” To which she replied with a sigh, “Okay, we’ve been over this…never have s-x in the weeds! Now what else don’t you understand?” Love her :) )

Okay, back to tonight: As I’ve thought about approaching this complicated subject, what I keep coming back to is this strange discrepancy--How all too often (if we’re spiritually inclined) it seems like we twist ourselves into a knot trying to figure out:

a.) What God wants from us; and

b.) How we can do what we want to do without losing God's love/blessing/approval.

Even when we’re not quite so blunt about it, the underlying question is often: If I do X with Mr. Y, will I be banished from God's love? So in the heat of the moment it can feel like we’re edging up on this line between us and the land of no return. It's precarious, and not all that helpful.

This perspective has been a disaster for me—avoiding guilt has never been high on my list of motivators (see He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, available at a bookstore near you…)

I think we need an alternative.

Here’s my pitch: What if following God’s suggestions in this area of life isn't just about our relationship with God, but rather our relationship with our future (or current, if we’re married) husband? And what if these suggestions have A LOT more nuance to them than the set of rules they’re often boiled down to?

That's what we’ll be talking about tonight. If you’re near Cambridge, come by and join us: Greater Boston Vineyard, Ministry Center Library (2^nd floor) 7:30-8:30pm.

(And if you can't make it tonight, we’ll have this and the other talks in the relationships & spirituality series online soon.)

Assorted Observations

2010-03-15T14:38:00.006-05:00

It's been a week of funny observations that were simply too good to keep to myself. I'm fasting from most social media for Lent this year (I found that reading 1275 Tweets a day about how prolific/award-winning/accomplished every other author is was bad, bad, bad for my creative process) so when all these important thoughts hit, I had no choice but to speed up the renovations to the blog so I could share. Are you ready?

First: we watched six hours of Star Wars on Saturday night, after which I definitively concluded that C3PO = Tim Gunn. The similarities are stunning. Check it out & you'll see!

Second: THAT DOG has been soaking wet for a week now. We call her Sponge Dog No Pants. (We've had so much rain it's like the lost city of Atlantis here in Cambridge, and when that happens, jokes like this seem really, really funny.)

Third: I watched Keeping Up With The Kardashians for the first time. Um...wow. Three sisters, three different sets of interesting life choices...where to begin? As much as we bemoan the lack of role models for young women today, the success of this show seems to demonstrate a surprising truth: few of us REALLY want role models. What we want is to be entertained. Until we find a way to make a "role model" life look like a fun adventure (and it can be, but we're usually to scared to be honest about how real life unfolds, even for "perfect" people) the Kardashian/Hilton/Jersey Shore contingent will be there to serve up the dumb fun.

So there you have it...my deep thoughts for March :)

I'm working on bigger stuff, though, so stay tuned. There will be event dates for my new book release (and even a sample chapter to share), video of my relationships & spirituality talks, and even musings on the creative process (and how sometimes, "process" simply means WAY more work than you thought possible). But first I had to share all the random, in the hopes that something profound will follow!

Stay warm & happy :)

Renovations Underway

2010-02-23T14:39:00.003-05:00

It's been an amazing couple of weeks: I flew to Virginia Beach to connect with a famous family (who blew away all my preconceptions about how and who they'd be), and took a train to Princeton University to speak to some awesome students (and watched with happy surprise as a bunch of college seniors--men!--carried off copies my book with the girly pink cover. My new literary motto? Real Men Read Pink!) THAT DOG has either lost her hearing or is faking it astoundingly well (which might be sad but has created a great game where we can sneak up from behind and surprise her) and I'm in the kickoff phase of launching my next book, A MAZE OF GRACE: A MEMOIR OF SECOND CHANCES, which comes out in June.

In the midst of this, I'm plotting a fun overhaul of the digs here at Trish's Dishes...pulling together videos of some of my talks on relationships & spirituality, and some new material for here & over at my website. It won't take long, but for the next few days, please excuse the sounds of demolition, construction, and (of course) redecorating! If you're looking for me, I'll be the one wearing the Ann Taylor hard hat :)

ITSERA--Freedom By Design

2010-02-17T21:48:00.003-05:00

I'm off on another adventure tomorrow! I get 5 hours on the train (which to me means "writing retreat!") and then time with my friend A.J. who you'll meet in my next book.

And I'll be meeting the amazing woman in this video (can you believe she's a college student?), hearing about the organization she started, and talking with some of her friends about how our big dreams in life intersect with questions of faith and love. (If we can fit in a conversation about the Olympics, we'll have all my favorite topics covered...)

Check it out:

Go For The Gold: Create Your Own Olympics!

2010-02-16T11:40:00.005-05:00

How do I love the Olympics? Let me count the ways!

I'm a total Olympic dork, from the opening ceremonies (even though that whole bit with the kid flailing in the air over the plains for 20 minutes was a bit strange) to every random ice & snow event those athletes come up with. It's bizarre, actually, given how I hate being cold, was a total skiing fiasco (the term "yard sale" was coined just for me), and never quite had the balance to skate without falling (although I blame my parents for this: they had us learn to skate on my older brothers' hockey skates...which were made in 1942...with no ankle support...on a pond that might or might not have been all the way frozen. Granted, the water was only 5-6 inches deep beneath the ice, but we didn't know that! Just imagine what feats of Olympic greatness might have happened had our little ankles been stable and our little minds been free of the terror of the deep?!?)

I've been cheering across national borders for the past two days, celebrating with teary eyes along with a Canadian mogul skier, a Dutch speed skater, and the Chinese couple who won last night's pairs figure skating gold. It's fun to watch really talented people succeed.

But it's also fun to feel like I'm part of something bigger than myself. A Twitter friend pointed me to this article in the New York Times about the long-term benefits of playing team sports, and I was captivated. Partly because my own mediocre attempts at athleticism have served me well, but more because I wonder if that sort of team experience isn't something we long for later in life, too? Isn't this sort of what book clubs are? And writing groups? And even (although this is a stretch) following along as Jennifer Weiner live-tweets The Bachelor? It's part identity, saying who we are & what we care about, and part experiencing something together. I dig that.

So let's create our own Olympics! Tell me this: If you were to compete for the gold in some newly created winter "sport" what would it be? (And let's keep this family-friendly, limited to things that can be shown by ABC in prime time!)

Me? I'm in training for 2014, where I'll compete with the world's best in Speed Dressing, where you dig an entire outfit from a bin unfolded of laundry. Go team!

In need of Zzz's

2010-02-11T11:39:00.005-05:00

I need sleep. Not sure what's going on lately, but my body has decided that it's only going to sleep every other night. And on non-sleep nights, my brain just spins. You can almost hear audible whirring sounds, like my mind is a computer that needs to crash/reboot but can't quite get there.

In Mac terms, I'm spending long, lonely nights with the endless rainbow wheel of doom.

What do you do to sleep? I'll try (almost) anything. Well...anything that's legal, and doesn't require a 2am sprint through the darkened streets of the city. Or weird animal parts mixed into a potion...

Ideas? Tips? Suggestions?

Fun Relationships Talks...Starting Tonight

2010-02-08T12:16:00.005-05:00

Happy Monday!

I'm hosting a FANTABULOUS talk for women here in Greater Boston tonight! It's called A MAZE OF GRACE: CONVERSATIONS ABOUT SPIRITUALITY & RELATIONSHIPS. If you live nearby (or can get to Cambridge by car by 7:30 tonight...) you should join us! Here's what we'll be talking about:

One of the things that has struck me since I started hanging out in Jesus-ey spiritual places is how we tend to divide up our relationships conversations: there are separate events for singles & marrieds, different gatherings for discussing friendship than for talking about work and colleagues... It seems a little silly to me (not to mention socially schizophrenic) I like the idea of being consistent across all my relationships, and I think spirituality has something to offer here. So that's what I'll be talking about tonight--and every 2nd & 4th Monday through the Spring--if you'd like to join me.

Here are the details:

A MAZE OF GRACE: Conversations about Spirituality & Relationships
Ladies: Join Trish Ryan author of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not: A Memoir of Finding Faith, Love & Happily Ever After, for a series of fun talks about Love, Men, Dating, Friendship, Marriage & Life...

2nd & 4th Mondays of Each Month, beginning February 8, 2010
7:30-8:30pm

Greater Boston Vineyard
Ministry Center Library, 2nd Floor
15 Notre Dame Avenue
Cambridge, MA 02140
(Parking lot accessible via Rindge or Middlesex)

Tonight's topic: Lori Gottlieb's polarizing/inspiring/infuriating/utterly devastating book: MARRY HIM: THE CASE FOR SETTLING FOR MR. GOOD ENOUGH. As you might guess, I have some thoughts... :)

(And if you can't be there tonight, we're hoping to get these talks up on video on YouTube soon...so stay tuned!)