Changing Seasons Post

I'm over at Changing Seasons today, sharing what I learned from THAT NIECE and this fun creature.

On Finding My Universal Intention...at a Business Seminar

Last night I attended an event for entrepreneurs.  It was sponsored by a local group that champions promising startups, and featured Bill Warner, an angel investor who shared his thoughts on what makes for successful investor-founder relationships.

This might sound like an odd place for an author to hang out, but it was so interesting.  The publishing industry is in utter chaos right now, and here was a room filled with smart, boundary pushing, business-minded people sharing ideas that could (from my vantage point) be pieces of solutions and suggest new possibilities.  I loved it.  (Plus the attendees had job titles like "Master of Awesomeness" and "Ninja in Residence."  If they came to your town, you'd go too!)

I was struck by Bill Warner's unique approach to picking investments.  "I don't invest in products," he said. "I invest in people."  He went on to describe the extensive exercises he does with his founders to uncover the intention behind what they're doing.  "All our lives, we're taught to use our heads," he said.  "I want to push you to use your heart."

It sounded a little too fuzzy/feel-good at first, until he had some of his founders share what this process had uncovered for them and how it changed their approach to their businesses.  They each shared an "Intention statement" they'd drilled down to:

"We help people feel superhuman."  (Urban Hero Sports)
"We help people feel important." (Libboo)
"We help people understand that they're creative & use that creativity." (delightful.ly)
"We help people extend their reach and be curious." (Leapmotion)
"I help people follow their heart and feel closer together." (Bill Warner)

I wasn't clear how ANY of this connected to their products until Bill pointed out that intention has to come before your product.  If the intention is universal -- meaning, someone 100 or 1000 years ago would have understood it -- you're onto something with serious power to connect.  From there, he said, you can come up with a product that delivers joy, rather than just providing pain relief.


I've been thinking about this ever since. Moving beyond what I want to do (for authors the answer is write, publish & sell books!) to consider, what is the universal urge this speaks to?

I went into the event with an internal mission statement that was something like, "To write books that entertain, encourage & inspire."  But I left with a simpler understanding that applies to every area of my life:  I help people stay encouraged.  

A subtle, meaningful adjustment to the lens through which I view life.

You should give it a try!

Consider: what your universal intention?  It doesn't even have to be altruistic (indeed, "I help people accumulate vast amounts of wealth" is something even the cavemen would have understood). You'll know you've found it when it makes you smile :)

Quick litmus test for fear & love

Thoughts from something I read earlier this morning:

The easiest way to tell if you're operating out of fear is to look at your question:  If you're wondering, "What will happen to me?" (my plan, goal, mission, job, dream for the future), fear has you buy the tail.  It will swing you around for days as you wrestle fruitlessly, and it won't put you down until you're dizzy, exhausted, and hopeless.

To switch your focus to love, change the question.  Ask:
"What will happen to the person or people my plan, goal, mission, job, or dream for the future is for?"
This might not get us to easy answers.  But it puts our thoughts in the right place and directs our eyes to look through the right lens.  Then we see things differently and notice options we miss when fear has hold of us.

To change the options, change the question.

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment." - 1 John 4:18
Encouraging stuff :)

Navigating Change by looking for the Bright Spots

You'll be delighted to hear that I found an outfit for today's event.  Thank you for your support :)

Admittedly, it was a bland ensemble - black "trousers" (to maintain Stacy & Clinton's love), and a sweater that's best described as, well, sufficient.  But it was fine, as I wasn't at this event to be noticed - I was there to hear Dan Heath, co-author of Made to Stick and Switch (two of my all-time favorite nonfiction books) talk about navigating change.

At the end of the session, I had the chance to ask him how being immersed in the principles as he wrote has influenced his own life.  His response was great.  He said that the best thing he's internalized since writing this book is a commitment to "looking for the bright spots." 

As he describes in Switch, we're psychologically wired to focus on bad over good.  We'll notice things that are ugly, unfortunate, and problematic much more quickly than those that are lovely, pure, or working splendidly.  (As he put it, "When was the last time you & one of your friends got together and said, I really want to talk about the things in my job/family/relationship that are going well so I can figure out what's working & replicated it!?)'

So one of the things he discovered in his research is that, when you're facing a huge problem or set of circumstances, one way to get passed feeling overwhelmed & helpless is to focus on whatever is going well.  Ask yourself: What's working? What doesn't need to be fixed?  Where are expectations being met or exceeded?  He calls this focusing on the bright spots.  Hidden in there are often clues to things we're doing right that might apply to other areas where things aren't going so well.  So it's not just "Don't worry/Be happy."  It's making smart choices about where we focus so we're more likely to see solutions.

I like that :)

On "Wardrobing"

I am DELIGHTED to report that posting some great reads for summer had the desired affect (effect? I can't seem to get that right) and convinced God of my true desperation for SUNSHINE this weekend.  THAT DOG, THAT HUSBAND and I went to the beach on Saturday for some vitamin D reloading.  It was glorious.

Today, it's cloudy again, but I'm not even bothered.  Because today I'm on a MISSION (and I've had quite a bit of coffee, which is why I'm typing so quickly and leaning on the ALL CAPS button for ADDED EMPHASIS!)  I'll be attending an event tomorrow where the dress code calls for neither jeans nor flip flops.  Which puts me at a loss, as jeans & flip flops are my go-to attire for pretty much anything that happens between the months of May and October.  

What's a girl to do?

I would LOVE to be the type of person who is so dedicated to the themes of FREE TO BE YOU AND ME that I show up in my super-casual attire (a la Woody Harrelson) no matter what the event, trusting that no one really cares what I wear.  But I'm not.  I was a lawyer at one point; I know how to put on a suit.  I sold real-estate, so I can do business casual.  I understand appropriate clothing and how much it helps people to hear what you have to say if you're dressed like someone they'd want to hear from.

So today...I'm shopping.  Pray for me, friends.  I've gone down this road before, only to return home with new jeans and 3 additional pairs of flip flops.  But this time, I'm determined to do better!  I'm going to pretend that Stacy & Clinton are tracking me with their spy-cam, lamenting denim's magnetic pull over me, squealing with delight as I consider the merits of a "trouser."

We'll see what happens :)

Fending off the rain with summer reading recs

It's raining here again.  I'm pretending that it's going to get sunny ANY MINUTE NOW, flat-out fibbing to myself that this is just one of those brief showers, you know, of the sort one finds in tropical places while on vacation...like the 4pm thunderstorm in Puerto Rico that blows through in about twenty minutes and reminds you of how much you love the sun.

Clearly, I'm going to great lengths to deny my weather-related reality.

In the spirit of this denial, let me tell you about some amazing books I've read recently.  I started my "summer reading" ahead of time this year.  In February.  It's been fabulous.  And even though there's no sand in any of my books (just a few crumbs from goldfish crackers and my Mom's homemade oatmeal cookies) I am confident that any of these stories will bring you as much joy on the beach in July as they did to me on my couch this winter.

Here are a few worth checking out:

OBJECTS OF MY AFFECTION by Jill Smolinski
How do you make choices about what you cling to and what you let go?  A surprising and funny story of a woman trying to organize her way through the chaos of love, pain, and life.

HOW TO EAT A CUPCAKE by Meg Donohue
A really interesting book about friendship - it's unlikely beginnings, ups and downs, and how we decide how much to share and what to keep to ourselves.  Loved it!

THE SONG REMAINS THE SAME by Allison Winn Scotch
A woman loses her memory in a plane crash...then has to decide how much of her old self to chase down, and which parts of her life she'd rather create anew.  This one will have you thinking, long after the last page.

THE ACCIDENTAL BESTSELLER by Wendy Wax
This was a re-read for me.  An incredibly fun story of four writers who meet at a conference and support each other through the strange world that is the publishing industry.  This book makes me smile.

What books are you looking forward to?
(And, more importantly, what do you do to see past all the rain???)

What Would You Do With a Do-Over?

I'm over at the Changing Seasons blog today, sharing how Allison Winn Scotch's latest novel has me wondering what I'd do with a do-over... Come by and check it out!

Aaaaand we're back!

It's good to be home :)

As some of you know, I took a bit of a blog adventure a few months back, packing up my deep thoughts and silly stories and heading over to join Patheos.com, a site featuring blogs about all different approaches to faith.

It was fun, and I'm really grateful for the experience. It gave me a chance -- and a push -- to blog more openly about how Jesus informs the choices I make in everyday life, from praying for seemingly impossible things to being a big fan of Santa Claus.

But as those of you who are writers know, this is a business. Which means sometimes we have to make decisions based on that side of things.  For a variety of reasons, I decided that having my own blog was a better fit for me right now.

And as I said, it's good to be back!

Here's what will happen next:  Over the coming week or so, I'll post material from my season with Patheos that was especially conversation provoking or helpful, including the posts from the Encouragement Project we did on praying for a husband.  Then I'll dive into new material as I can.

I'm working on a couple of new writing projects right now, so my blogging will be spontaneous, rather than scheduled.  But I'm excited to be back here to connect with you.  Thanks for being here :)

Trish

Moving Day!

It's time for a big, fun adventure!

A few months ago, I was asked if I'd be interested in blogging for Patheos.com. As someone digs new possibilities, I was intrigued.

I thought about the #1 thing I've loved about this blog for the past 5 years: the unexpected CONNECTIONS I've made with so many of you. Some of us have met in person; we've exchanged emails and encouragement; we've even swapped advice on everything from books to dating to picking out the right new hairdryer. I love you guys! *big hug!* And so I said yes to the move. I hope we can take our friendships over to the new blog, and meet more amazing people.

My new blog is called A Maze of Grace. It's a little bare-bones right now...like I've just moved in. So if you were to come by and leave me a comment, it would be the cyber-equivalent ringing the front door with a hug & a pie, and asking, "Can I help you unpack?"

I'll also be contributing to a group blog called What She Said, which should be a blast...and raise some interesting conversations.

THANK YOU for being part of Trish's Dishes...whether I know you stop by (because you've commented, or emailed, or told me in person) or you lurk. I'm excited for the next chapter, and I hope you'll (to push this metaphor right out to the very edge) turn the page with me.

The next step

I just finished reading a book called THE HEALING. I think it's going to be a big deal when it comes out early next year, and for good reason. Comparisons to THE HELP are well founded.

It's a story set mostly in the time of slavery, and it speaks of how story can shape generations of people and, when revealed anew, can change how each of us sees ourselves. I know that sounds rather grand and philosophical, but it's true. Think of the stories that define your family, both the good ones and the ones about hard times or difficult choices: they influence you in ways you probably don't think all that much about. But there they are, shaping things.

In the back of the book, there's a special section written by the author, a white man, describing how he came to feel so passionately about race relations and the particular sort of stories he wanted to tell. My favorite line is this: "I have discovered the truth in the old saying, 'Facts can explain us, but only story will save us.' If you want to destroy a people, destroy their story. If you want to empower a people, give them a narrative to share."

Think about your story today, and how it's shaping you. Then consider: what is the next step to move your story forward, in a direction you'll be excited to live and will add to the larger narrative? Now remember the mighty penguin from this post awhile back, and take the step :)


(How's THAT for big thoughts on a Tuesday morning?!?)

Checking in :)

It's a BUSY week. But fun busy (as opposed to desperately dreaming of tropical islands busy).

I had a 22 hour writing retreat yesterday. It was bare bones: me, my laptop, a hotel room (we had a coupon for one free night that was about to expire), lots of coffee, and a giant bag of pistachio nuts to snack on. You wouldn't think you could accomplish all that much in less than a full day (if you sleep), but it was incredibly (astonishingly) productive. I lose sight of how much time the little things--THAT DOG, dishes, laundry, email--eat up during the course of a normal day. It was great to escape from real life for a tiny slice of time and just focus. Highly recommended if you want to dig into a writing project but aren't sure how to get going. Everyday opportunities & distractions are so much easier to write around once I have some momentum. Speaking of which...

Tomorrow I'll be back at Wheaton (my awesome alma mater) for a full day of fun.

In the morning, I get to guest teach a creative non-fiction class. Then I'll spend the afternoon huddled in the library (thanking God I'm not still frantically prepping for the LSAT--the last time I spent significant time in that building) & frantically typing words to keep up with day 3 of National Novel Writing Month. I spent this afternoon with my laptop at the hairdressers, head covered in tinfoil as my highlights set, so working at the library will feel comparatively tame. Perhaps I should look for a more interesting place to work?

Tomorrow evening, I'll be giving a workshop in conjunction with the campus career center called How To Tell Your Story, showing students how to use principles of memoir writing (narrative structure, conflict, happy endings) to craft personal statements, handle tough questions in job interviews, and even get to know potential romantic interests. I have a complicated illustration planned, involving several feet of wire, a bunch of index cards, and a whole slew of wooden mini-clothespins I've color coded with magic markers. It will either be incredibly fun and inspiring...or I'll end up in a tangled heap. My idea of living on the edge :)

Win Pug Hill!

I love this book. Pug Hill is the story that introduced me to Alison Pace's writing. I thought I'd like her in person when I read this book (and was increasingly certain we had BFF potential once I read her other books). But then when I ACTUALLY met her in person--at a NYC roundtable for authors on Twitter--I learned that she's even more fantabulous than her characters...and that's saying something. We bonded over her description of a "peculiar Clumber Spaniel" in one of her stories, and now she sends me pictures of Clumbers whenever she sees them plodding around Manhattan, because alas, I've never seen one here.

So today on Trish's Dishes we're celebrating the release of the mass-market paperback edition (translation: fits into pockets and small purses!) of Pug Hill. And YOU CAN WIN A COPY! Signed by Alison! She will even personalize it to say...well, whatever you come up with that you'd like to have her write about. She has lovely handwriting, so if you'd like her to spell out her philosophy on puppy training, or why she uses a certain type of leash for her dog Carlie, or even how she keeps her hair so shiny...ask away!

To win:
Leave a comment below & tell us: If you could have any type/breed of dog in the world, what would it be?

You will LOVE this story :)

Lessons learned (in a bunch of bars!)

It snowed this weekend! Not typical weather for October in Cambridge. Even THAT DOG looked at me this morning with a, Surely, you're kidding expression when her paws sunk down into the slushy mush that was all over the yard. Church was canceled due to downed power lines the next town over, so we had an unexpected, fab day of lounging on the couch, reading, and watching TV.

We spent the later part of the afternoon watching a marathon of a show I'd never seen before called Bar Rescue. Oh, how I LOVE this show! An expert comes into a failing bar and works with the owner & staff to turn things around. It's an amazing example of the power of business savvy & being teachable.

We all get into ruts in life where we don't see what we're doing that holds us back. This show illustrates the power of having outside expert eyes coming into help. It's just like working with an editor, or a nutritionist, or Stacy & Clinton on What Not To Wear. Our human tendency is to defend what we've always done, justifying the status quo. If we give into that base instinct, we miss out and we don't grow. But if we can squelch our ego for just a few minutes, LISTEN and LEARN, it can change the course of everything we do from that moment on.

This happened for me in the editing of my first book. When my contract deadline came, I was confident that what I handed my editor was the (brilliant, genius) best I could do. Then... my editor SCHOOLED me on literary structure, showing me how to take the lump of raw, doughy story I'd handed her and shape it into a fully baked narrative. I could have balked, and fought, and remained stubbornly certain of how perfectly I'd captured every moment. But I didn't. I listened, revised/rewrote almost every page, and drafted a couple of entirely new chapters. It was hard work, and demoralizing at first. I didn't have it going on nearly as much as I'd thought. But...

I've been thankful ever since that I sucked it up, listened, learned, and put in the effort to change. The book is SO much better...and now I understand writing in an entirely different way. A worthwhile squelching of my ego :)

Have you ever had this happen?

Does shivering count as exercise?

Okay blogsphere...talk me out of the madness:

It is ARCTIC COLD here in Cambridge. And yet I can't bring myself to turn on the heat because every year I have this strange goal of waiting until November 1st. As if that's a THING for which one gets a metal or something.

It's not. No one--not one single person, including my mother (who has had her heat on for days already) cares if I shiver and freeze until November 1st. And yet I feel like I'd be failing if I turned that little dial from "unspeakably cold" on up to "okay to take your jacket off inside."

WHAT GIVES?

And why don't I feel similar anxiety over missing my more important goals? You know, the one about running enough miles on the treadmill that I fit into that certain pair of jeans? Or the one about writing 300 words per day? Clearly, I need a perspective alignment of some sort...like a tune up on a car, where they make sure your tires are all pointing in the same direction...and that the chosen direction is FORWARD, not off to the side.

I'm going down to turn the heat on RIGHT NOW. I'm not ashamed...I'm not ashamed...
Am I the only one with ridiculous non-goal goals like this?

Juggling

Yesterday in the comments, the lovely Sarakastic claimed that she can't juggle batons. To which I respond: It's not that you can't...it's just that life hasn't given you enough opportunities to try!

I looked online for a good baton juggling tutorial (I was planning all sorts of helpful tips, like how the ends of the baton should never come flying toward your face). But instead I found this video, which is worth at least 1,000 words.

This is a girl who competed at the World Championship level. She's amazing! And yet right in the beginning of the routine, she drops 2 of her 3 batons. Now, if you've never dropped a baton, here's the thing: they don't just lie there, waiting for you. They ROLL. And if you drop 2, they roll in opposite directions, and you have to CHASE THEM. (It's like life, that way). So this girl chases her batons all across the floor...really, there's no graceful way to do that (trust me). But then--rather than racing off to the locker room in shame, she smiles and gets back to work, winging those batons in the air like it's no big deal. Now, confession: I've always thought that the move where you rolling the baton around on your shoulders with your head look a bit like you're having a seizure... but when everything is in the air where it belongs? Masterful! Check it out:

Uniquely Suited

So the hacking woes continue...but I'm not losing my cool. I've set up a new email account, so if you'd like to reach me, try TrishRyanAuthor AT gmail DOT com. Eventually I'll set up a non-gmail account, but this should stem the tide of disaster for now!

On a funner note (and yes, I claim "funner" as a viable, if awkward, word), I read this question yesterday, and I've been pondering ever since:

What about God am I most uniquely suited to reveal to others?

It came from a book called To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future. I'm about halfway through, and there are tons of equally provocative questions. But I think this one might be most important.

My answer came almost immediately: I'm uniquely suited to reveal that God wants to bring us to happily ever after. But (caveat!) we get there on His terms, not ours.

This was a real "aha" moment for me. There are five different writing projects I've been trying to juggle for the past year or so. I can't juggle anything but batons, so I pretty much dropped them all, and have spent the past few months picking them up one by one to reacquaint myself and inspect the damage. In other words: lots of wondering, very little progress.

But as I look at each project through the lens of what I'm uniquely suited to do, three are clearly more in the "hobby" category--fun, but not compelling--whereas the other two seem to have "NOW" stamped across the front in a way that wasn't true before. This is exciting stuff, and it all came from a couple of minutes spent with one question.

Write it down

I've read two memoirs in the last week or so (this one and this one). They have me thinking about the power of writing down our stories (even if we don't want to publish them). Not so we can MAKE something happen, necessarily. More that life goes a little better when we remember.

One of the unexpected benefits of writing He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not and A Maze of Grace is that they remind me of how uniquely (and bizarrely!) my life has unfolded. These stories are real. They lay out the details of all these unexpected collisions between me & God, and how synching up with him has kept things moving along at a rather breathtaking pace ever since. And because I wrote it all down, I have no business whining, "Waaaa...God must have lost my file!" (although, of course, I do). Skimming a few of those pages, I'm forced to concede that life looks very different in the big, aerial view than it does in the narrow bit of each day that I see.

And these pages protect me against the false-security of a 10 year plan, because really: who could have planned any of this?

My point? YOU should write things down, too! Even if you think your life is dull right now, I'll go out on a limb and say: It might be dull, but it's meaningful. Things that seem unimportant now might be key aspects later to a mystery you'll want to unfold, or a progression so subtle you didn't even see it happening.

Do you keep a journal?

Friday: Stuff! and Things!

I'm back from yesterday's adventures, happy to see that we've all kept our new superhero identities to ourselves...It's enough that YOU know you have special powers that will be used at IMPORTANT MOMENTS to help FIGHT BAD GUYS and SAVE INNOCENT PEOPLE! Until then, we should all practice getting in & out of our costumes. And the flying...it's harder than it looks ;)

A few "share the love" links to send us into the weekend:

A TV show I'm loving: Prime Suspect, starring Maria Bello. Her character is nuanced and uber faux-tough...she does a stellar job with it. And the writing is so good that I'm swept right into the plot, hanging on every line of dialogue. There are fantastic moments of snark woven into unexpected moments--kudos to the writers.

2 books I'm excited to read: This weekend will have an unintentional grief theme, as two books I requested weeks ago from the library came in at the same time: The Grief of Others by Leah Hager Cohen, and Closure: the Rush to End Grief and What it Costs Us by Nancy Berns. (I'll follow this up with a Jerseylicious marathon to keep things from getting too serious!)

A blog post I appreciated: Novelist Allison Winn Scotch had some good thoughts about writer's block this week. Two things she said struck me. First: "I know myself well-enough to know that I have a decent work ethic, and if I truly cannot bring myself to get excited and/or motivated to write, I probably need to give myself a break." And second: "Whenever I find my manuscript flagging, I find that the best kick in the pants is to throw a major obstacle at my characters. A break-up, a job loss, some sort of emotionally devastating event, etc. If you write this, you are thus forced to write MORE because you have to figure out a way to resolve the problem." Simple, wise, true. Love it! I'm dreaming up some thoughts for next week on how this applies to memoir.

Have a great weekend!

Something to do on a Thursday

I'm leaving town on an adventure this morning (that does not involve either Madrid or an email scam asking you all for money), so no new blog until I return. Until then, what are YOU doing today?

Need ideas? How about, if you don't have anything else exciting planned, become a SUPERHERO!?!

Instructions to the left :)

Hacked: the upside

My gmail account was hacked last night, wiping out my inbox & sending a message to everyone I've ever known detailing an "urgent & unannounced trip to Madrid" in which I "encountered some difficulty." Apparently, Western Union is the best way to send money to help.

Argh.

The irony is, just yesterday I was reading a book that mentioned how the Bible encourages us to rejoice always, pray continuously, and give thanks in all circumstances. I was going to blog about this, asking how it goes for you if you've tried it, admitting that it's something I struggle with when things get hard. I'm never sure if I'm supposed to give thanks FOR the difficult things in life, or thank God for the assurance that somehow (even if I can't understand it) He is working things out for good and I can trust that. (As one person told me, "God's will is what we would choose if we knew all the facts.")

I didn't get to write that blog. I had to deal w/the hacking: a year of emails deleted, my account compromised, the gmail help page saying, "So sorry...there's not much we can do." It was as if some vile form of evil out there was laughing, saying "Let's see her give thanks in THIS!"

But then (I'm learning that with God, there's usually a "but then...") I started getting emails...and text messages...and DMs on Twitter...from friends near & far, telling me I'd been hacked. Many included little updates on how they're doing: one has written a book, another said this reminded him to pray for me, and I even scheduled a long-overdue lunch with a third. Such fun in the midst of resetting my password and trying to recover what was lost (then realizing I can't: it's lost).

The Bible says that when vile evil intends things for our harm, God will find a way to use those circumstances for good. This morning is a fun, vivid reminder of that for me--reconnection with friends, gratitude that I'm not lost & penniless in Madrid...it's been a much "bigger" morning than I anticipated. I'm praying...thankful...and rejoicing. All before breakfast. Who knew such a thing was possible?