Ta Da! My New Book :)

It's here!!! Well, almost. My second book, A MAZE OF GRACE: A MEMOIR OF SECOND CHANCES, has cover art, and its own page on Amazon.com...which makes me think, "Wow, this is really happening!" and do happy dances of glee in the kitchen, even when the shades are up and all the neighbors can see.

I love this cover best of all the ones I've had so far. I grew up near the beach in Maine, so that feels really right. And in the many (many) times in my life when I've felt completely off track and directionless, the beach is where I've gone to recalibrate. I'm not sure exactly what it is (I suspect it has something to do with God, what with the big ocean, the waves, and the endless grains of sand) but I always leave those times of staring out at the horizon with a sense that things really will turn out okay, even if I don't know what "okay" will look like.

So yay for inspiring beach scenes! And a huge thank you to all of you who have encouraged me that this day, and this book, would come. A MAZE OF GRACE will be out in June, just in time to read while you're on the real beach (or on a lawn chair in the backyard, pretending to hear the waves...)

A few words of shameless beach book promotion: I've learned that in the world of publishing, pre-orders are super-important in terms of determining how long my beach scene says on shelves, and whether I'll have chances to write more books. So if you're so inclined, click here to secure a copy now! (And know that if I could, I'd buy you each a puppy to express my thanks!)

Packing my bags

I'm taking a trip on an airplane next week, and it will be the longest stretch of time I've had to read in what feels like forever. Given that I've heard vicious rumors of mean flight attendants who won't let passengers go to the bathroom for something like five hours before landing, it seems like some sort of deep distraction will be key.

Help me, blog friends! What books should I bring? I'm open to anything: novels, memoir, humor, horror (okay, I take that back...please no horror. Or, now that I think of it, stories about planes that crash...)

I did a Google Image Search for "suitcase full of books" and it turned up this picture. I think it represents Steve, pulling me away from the Borders kiosk at the airport...

Happiness Day 10: Enthusiasm

Today's Happiness Project topic is a spectacular follow up to Friday's post on Barry Manilow: Enthusiasm.

I love enthusiasm. I think it's because of my parents. My mom is the single most determined to like everyone she meets person I've ever known. If you have the good fortune to encounter her (particularly if you're a girl, and provided her oxygen tank is working correctly) she'll find some way to compliment you within the first fifteen seconds of making your acquaintance. Do your socks match this morning? My mom will cheer you on for the fine effort.

My Dad is less effusive, but still he taught me the value of enthusiasm one afternoon with a single sentence. We were driving down the road on some sort of errand when we passed one of those small sporty cars that was just TRICKED OUT with accessories. You know the type...it looked like it had run away from the circus: florescent wiper blades, blinking lights around the license plates, rims that spun in two different directions to make the car look like it was taking off. Need I mention that the muffler had been tweaked to ensure that the engine could be heard over the booming bass from the stereo? It was quite the multi-sensory experience. I was about to make some snide comment like, "Wow Dad, I bet you'd love it if I dated that guy..." when my father made a wise observation that changed my point of view:

"I kind of envy that kid," he said with a smile. "He gets more enjoyment out of that car than I probably get from anything in life..."

Enthusiasm.

As Gretchen Rubin points out, it takes effort to be enthusiastic. It requires a certain suspension of snark that allows some innocent enjoyment to seep back in to our psyche. That's my goal today: to be unabashedly enthusiastic about things I'm tempted to be too cool for. (I'll start by admitting that if ESPN covered baton twirling competitions, I'd be starring in my own sparkly version of BEST IN SHOW...)

He's Playing My Song

I woke up this morning with Barry Manilow's "Daybreak" running through my head. It reminded me of the most unfortunate gym class of my elementary school years, where an earnest substitute teacher had choreographed what can best be described as a "fabric dance" to this song, and tried to teach it to a room full of fifth graders. Not Barry's finest moment.

But it also made me realize that that is the tone I'm looking for this weekend: Easy listening. No heavy metal. No classic rock. No Fergie, Britney, or Lady Gaga. To be honest, I even need a break from folksy singer-songwriter laments I'm usually so fond of. Just some happy thoughts to a gentle rolling rhythm, a big smile, and Barry reminding me to Let it shine, shine, shine, all around the world... I mean, check out this video of Barry in concert, talking about how with everything going on the world, we need his music. To which I say: You're right Barry!!! We need you!!!


But if I see a giant swatch of yellow fabric, I'll resist the urge to pick it up and twirl it around.

(And yes, I'm slightly concerned that a week from now I'll be searching iTunes for elevator music...but I have to believe that a bit of Barry will help me bounce back, rather than regress. We'll see.)

Who is singing the soundtrack for your weekend?

Happiness Day 9: The Rules

One of the things that surprised me in THE HAPPINESS PROJECT was Gretchen's assertion that deep inside, we each have something called Heuristics we use to navigate daily life. Heuristics, she explains, are mental rules of thumb--the quick, common sense principles we develop & use to make decisions. She goes on to point out how highly personalized our individual heuristics are. Hers, for example, included things like, "Never eat hors d'oeuvres" and "I'm in a hurry." So as a general rule, she'll pass on the scallops wrapped in bacon at a cocktail party, and move quickly through her daily tasks to get to the next thing on her list. Time has shown that she's happier with her life when she follows these simple principles, rather than making in-the-moment decisions each time a choice is called for.

This got me thinking: what are my rules? It took me awhile, but I came up with three:

1. Smile at people.
2. Never get on a subway or an elevator if I have to go to the bathroom.
3. If I see plain white t-shirts in my size, buy them.

There you have it, my hard-won rules for better living. They're rather self-explanatory, so I won't elaborate :) But I'd love to add to the list. Suggestions?

What rules do you have for everyday life?

Happiness: Good Guys/Bad Guys

This week's super-fun thing: The awesome Gretchen Rubin was here in Boston doing an event for her book, and I got to hang out with her over coffee & sandwiches. My own little happiness project, right in the pub of a fine Boston hotel :)

Now Gretchen and I have exchanged enough emails over the past few months about each others' memoirs and blog posts that it almost felt weird that we were just now meeting in person. One of my favorite things in life is to meet a fellow author and discover that they really live what they write...when their "platform" is who they actually are in real life. Spending time talking with Gretchen about love, happiness, writing, reading, promotion, etc., showed that she's the real deal. So I did an extra happy dance when her event that night was PACKED, and the long line of folks waiting to have her sign their books gave hope to the idea that the book-buying world is alive and well. It's fun to see friends succeed. My one regret is that I failed to take a picture.

It made me think a bit, though, about the risk in meeting people we admire. Because there have been those rare occasions where I've had it go the other way: where I looked forward to chatting with an author whose work I enjoyed (or hearing what s/he had to say in a workshop) only to discover that s/he was a narcissist, or delusional, or just sort of mean. I try to give folks some slack in these moments--we all have days we would prefer not to be remembered by. But to be honest, these times happen so rarely (most authors really are amazingly cool people) that I haven't had much of a strategy to deal with it. It's like it sends me into the five stages of mourning: I'm shocked, and then go into denial and think "Maybe I heard wrong...", then I find myself, a week or so later, throwing his/her books away because now they just bum me out.

BUT here's my BIG HAPPINESS REALIZATION for this week: part of happiness maintenance is having a strategy to deal with disappointment when people let us down. So I'm working on one. I think meeting Gretchen helped me, strangely enough: Now I can genuinely say I'm a fan of both her and her book. I'll keep it handy (along with books by other cool author peeps) and reach for it quickly when I need to be reminded that the good guys outnumber the bad guys by a significant margin. Part of happiness, I see now, is making smart choices about what we dwell on.

Fun Question for You: Have you met an author/actor/politician/otherwise public person and had him or her exceed your expectations? Share!

Happiness Day 8.5: Building Blocks

Inspired by this awesome post from my friend Swishygirl on life's simple pleasures, I decided to stick to this theme of passion for another day. Partly because it sounds sexy ("I'm blogging about passion today...") but more because it makes me happy.

I'm captivated by a quote from THE HAPPINESS PROJECT, where Gretchen describes her realization that, "I was happier when I accepted my own real likes and dislikes, instead of trying to decide what I ought to like..."

Do you wrestle with this? Lately, whenever I read something that says EVERYONE should do this one thing to find fulfillment/save the planet/get in shape/live forever, I've noticed that about 88% of the time, it makes me want to crawl under the bed and hide. Not because the suggestions are bad...it's just that they feel bad for me. They're mostly things I don't want to do. (And don't even get me started on the slew of "What EVERY writer must do" advice. Yikes and Ugh.)

It makes me wonder: What if we're all different? What if part of why we're alive today is to discover how we're made, and one or two creative ways of operating optimally? Seeing the picture above makes me realize that we make choices about the "bricks" we use to build each day: are they things we really love, or things we feel we should love? Obviously, we can't change everything (teeth must be brushed, bills must be paid) but most of us can change a few things, right?

I'll start by coming clean: Here are A few things I should like, but don't: Grim, meaningful books and movies. Washing out the peanut butter jar to recycle. Composting. Crocs. Skinny jeans. Actors/Actresses who are kind of shmucky in their personal lives. Dentistry. Flying. Poetry.

But more importantly, here are a few things I totally love beyond all reason: Happy ending memoirs. Sandra Bullock movies. Ugg slippers. Flannel jammie pants. So You Think You Can Dance. Disco. Crosby, Stills & Nash. Treadmills. The ocean. That my niece has requested that I come to Maine and teach her how to do a cartwheel. The Ann Taylor Factory Store. Long drives. Twitter.

And...that I'll be having coffee with the awesome Gretchen Rubin tomorrow afternoon! I'm pretty excited about that :)

Do me a favor: help me believe it's not just me! What's on your list of things you should like but don't? What do you absolutely love??? Let's reconsider some of the bricks we're building with.

Happiness Day 8: Passion & Treasure

Happy Monday! Today's Mini-Happiness Project is one of my favorite themes: Pursue A Passion. I love this kind of big-dream stuff, but (confession) I'm not always good at translating it into tangible results. And on the other end of the spectrum, I know that for some folks the whole idea of "what is my passion?" can be daunting because it's so impractical. I met a very cool woman last week who described how she's never been much of a dreamer. "When things happen in my life," she said, "it's more from me being discontent with the present than from my having a big dream for the future." It reminded me--again--how differently we're all wired; how part of any happiness project is figuring out how we work (even if it looks different from every other person we know).

Gretchen offers a great question to suss out our passions: "What do you CHOOSE to do when you have a chunk of free time?" She describes something that totally hit home for me: how she'd love to be someone who is really outdoorsy and adventurous...but the ideal Saturday morning for her is when she and her family are all inside in their pajamas, reading.

From this realization, she pursued book-related passions for a month. My favorite is that she learned online publishing technology, and made books of some things important to her: her daughter's baby book, a collection of quotes, etc. I love this! The HIT of Christmas this year for our family were photo collections Steve put together using a new program on his MacBook. They came out beautifully, and it's pretty amazing to have something so tangible to hold in your hand, about something you really care about. (Passion + Tangible Product = Jolt of Happiness) So...

Have you guys seen the ad on Blogger offering to make a book of our blog posts? How cool is that? My plan for today is to explore that. I don't think anyone else would be thrilled to have a printed collection of my blog posts from the past 3 years. But I would treasure it. And my theory is that anytime you can pick up a treasure for $30 or so, you should do it :)

How about you: Do you know your passion? Is there something tangible you can do to pursue it (you know, like a treasure)?

Happiness Day 7: Napping: A Spiritual Practice?

I've been laughing ever since last night as I've thought about this blog post. Today's Mini-Happiness Project is officially called "Contemplate the Heavens." Gretchen did this in inspiring ways: she read memoirs of catastrophe, kept a gratitude notebook, and imitated a spiritual master. It was this last one that caught my attention. When I thought of who I'd like to imitate, the main person who came to mind is my mother. She'd never consider herself a spiritual master, but she's genius about one area of life management in a way no one else I've ever met or heard of is: She naps.

Ever since she was in her mid-30s, my mom has taken a mid-day siesta. It's not optional for her--it's as regular a part of her every single day as eating dinner or brushing her teeth. People who know her well schedule around it: we don't call during those hours, or expect the UPS man to be able to deliver a package. And as a result, she is one of the few human beings I know who gets enough sleep.

So as I think about imitating a spiritual master, this is what comes to mind for me. Sleep is this key thing we all need, and yet I regularly structure my life in a way that prevents me from getting it. And I LOVE sleep--it's not like it's this onerous chore. It's FUN to crawl into a warm soft bed at the end of a long day. This afternoon I'll experiment, and see if a few moments of forbidden sleep, captured in the middle of the day, might be even better.

I kind of dig the idea of napping as a spiritual practice :)

Could you do this? Would you? What would it look like to nap for an hour after work, and then get on with the rest of your evening?

Happiness Day 6: Purchase Power

"Buy Some Happiness" is probably my favorite chapter title in THE HAPPINESS PROJECT. It's blunt, straightforward, and unexpected (not because we don't try this all the time, but because it's so un-PC to admit it). I love that Gretchen is willing to explore the extent to which we can use currency to get us where we want to go.

It made me think of how most of us have picked up some odd little indicators that make us think, "That's what you have when you're rich." I remember one day, back when I worked for the New York Times bestselling author: We were in her kitchen making breakfast and talking about some new political development when I noticed this set of jars on her counter. They were clear, and filled with nuts: cashews, pecans, almonds. I love nuts. I'd never seen them in such profusion in one person's house. They were decorative AND edible! It amazed me to see how, as we chatted away, she'd just reach over, grab a jar, and pull out an handful. I wasn't poor at the time--I was four years out of law school--but I couldn't imagine that kind of wealth.

You can bet that the minute Steve and I got back from our honeymoon, I got a set of those little Oggi Canisters and made a little nut collection of my own. It still makes me happy.

My dad tells a similar story about seeing a wealthy aunt eat sliced grapefruit from a can when he was a boy. All his life, even though intellectually he knows better, canned grapefruit has represented wealth and even decadence to him. Strange stuff, this.

What if we can leverage these little proclivities for good? What if we can buy happiness? Last night when I couldn't sleep, I considered what other things buy me a little jolt of joy by providing that "I feel rich!" feeling: A full tank of gas in the car is strangely exciting to me (it's like, "I could go ANYWHERE!"). As is any trip to the bookstore where I emerge with a bag full of new ideas between two covers. I love having enough of the basics: underwear, soap, etc. (having extra toothbrushes on hand makes me feel more like a successful adult than my law degree ever has). And prompted by the other day's magazine exploration, I sent in a couple of new subscriptions. Magazines make me feel rich.

I'll be at an all-day conference today, so won't be doing much shopping. But I want to keep thinking about this question of how we can buy some happiness. I think it's worthwhile.

How about you: What makes you feel rich? Do you think happiness can be bought?

Happiness Day 5: Friends

It's Friendship Day! I love this little segment of my Mini- Happiness Project. I so agree with Gretchen (and pretty much all the happiness research ever done) that investing in relationships is a great way to increase my feeling that life is on the right track.

Last year around this time, I took a test that revealed something surprising: that I'm not the most relational person around. I guess it wasn't all that strange; I've always noticed that some people are just instinctually better at recognizing those key moments when a friend needs something, and knowing exactly what to do. I'm not that girl. But I'm determined. I care a great deal about the people in my life (and, I guess, people generally). I want to deepen those bonds. And as I learned with my brief/clumsy/nonetheless successful career in high school gymnastics, determination covers a lot of ground when you lack natural ability!

My favorite part of this chapter is where Gretchen lists Four Strategies she devised to be more generous. They're highly adaptable, and brilliant:

1. Help people think big. I love doing this with the two favorite things in my life: writing and romance. Here's my deep, profound philosophy: If some people get published, and some people find great love, why not you? (Don't answer that...it's rhetorical!) Gretchen reminded me to focus more on this sort of encouragement.

2. Bring people together. A great way to accomplish #1, right?

3. Contribute in my way. I love Gretchen's focus on how individual we are--that we need to be ourselves, using our unique set of likes and talents, for new things to make us happy over the long haul. So I won't convene a craft group, as I don't really dig crafts. But gathering friends for a fabulous author book signing here in Boston (scroll down to Jan. 13)? Or to write together here in Cambridge (more information coming soon)? Or to talk about Spirituality & Relationships (details to come)? That I can do :)

4. Cut people slack. This is a key--for me at least--to happiness. When someone is rude to me, or thoughtless, or demanding, my happiness either spikes or plummets in direct relation to how I choose to interpret their actions. Slack for others=happiness. The math really is that simple (and how I love simple math!)

This is a partial list. What would you add to it? What builds great friendships?

Happines Day 4: Magazine Fun

Oh, the irony! Today's Mini-Happiness Project is "Be Serious About Play"...and it falls on the first day of my Ann Patchett-inspired challenge to be more serious about work. Um...hmmm. I was baffled about how to bridge this gap until I came across one of the genius ideas Gretchen shares about how she got back in touch with what she really likes to do.

First, a confession: I think Gretchen's best "finding the fun" idea is "Think about what you liked to do as a child." But my answer is "Baton twirling...and pretending to accept the Olympic Gold Metal in gymnastics (allowing the metal to be placed around my neck, singing along to as much of the national anthem as I could remember, the double-hand overhead wave to the crowd). Sadly, I won't have time for either of those today...

So the great idea for fun TODAY is to explore three magazines about things I don't often (or ever) think about. I love this. It dovetails beautifully with an article in yesterday's NY Times about keeping brain function up by learning about new things or perspectives. So I'm on it. But I need your help!

I don't have time for a jaunt to the store today (and Steve has the car). So I need magazine suggestions. Currently, I subscribe to Oprah, The New Yorker, Men's Journal, and Cooking Light (if I finally remember to send them their $15).

What should I add? Gretchen read VERY diversely: an equestrian magazine about healthy horses, another about crafts, and one about spirituality. Help me expand my horizons--What are your favorite magazines? Is there something I'm missing on, say, healthy, crafty, spiritual horses?

Happiness Day 3: Aiming Higher

Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy New Year!!!!

I'm excited about 2010, feeling like good things are afoot. Like almost everyone else, I'm thinking about goals and resolutions, and how to get from where I am to where I want to be. So far, the best strategy I've come upon is something my niece and nephew taught me last week while discussing Wii Archery: When the target is a really long way away, they said, the secret is to aim higher.

Aim higher. (That's also, coincidentally, the next chapter in THE HAPPINESS PROJECT.) Me thinks it's a perfect image for 2010.

Now at first, I wasn't sure how to aim higher, given the level of risk we took on last year. How much bigger could I go than a U-Haul and a complete change of everything? But then I heard the niece and nephew discussing archery, and it all fell into place. My REAL dreams are still huge--and seemingly miles and miles away. There's no way an arrow shot from where I'm standing will even reach the target. So I need to recalibrate. Aim higher.

I'm still figuring out the specifics. What I know so far is that it will include writing everyday on a real schedule, like it's my job (thank you Ann Patchett, for pointing out that it is), and hosting a lecture/conversation series about the intersection between spirituality and relationships (because that's what my friends and I talk about all the time anyway). I'm excited for 2010. Aiming higher feels fun, rather than daunting. Hooray for that!

Want to join my little archery club? Take aim!
What are you shooting for? Lift your arrow a bit. Let's let gravity work for us this year :)

Happiness Day 2

Report on yesterday's happiness initiatives: 2-for-3. I went for the walk (and even had a DEEP REALIZATION ABOUT LIFE like you'd hope for while dragging the dog around the block in a high wind & sub-zero temps) and I kept the perkiness meter dialed up to nine even when a mild case of "Wow, that wasn't the best sushi..." food poisoning hit in the late afternoon. That bathroom cabinet is still a jungle, but overall the day was a success.

Today's Happiness Focus: LOVE. Lest you click away in the fear of being overwhelmed by sweet sappiness, let me reassure you: Gretchen's take on love is decidedly practical. The bullet points at the chapter opening are things like "Quit Nagging," and "Don't Expect Praise or Appreciation." Nitty gritty stuff that you really have to work at.

She focuses mostly on her marriage, but today I'll be branching out to include my whole family. I'm heading north to meet my Mom & Dad (the ones who now have all kinds of energy because they exercise approximately five times more than I do) for lunch. Because they're my parents, there's a teeny chance their approval matters to me. Just a smidge. So "Don't Expect Praise or Appreciation" hits right at the top of my yikes list. My Mom is the Queen of Encouragement, but she's gotten a lot more candid over the years. And my Dad is at that amusing stage of life when he just says whatever he's thinking. As you can imagine, the results can be, um...interesting. They both have a fabulous sense of humor, so I love hanging out with them. But if I'm looking for someone to hand me my next Girl Scout Badge for life accomplishment, it's not going to happen here.

So I'll cull today's happiness goals right from Gretchen's playbook:

1. Enjoy my parents as people, not as gold-star distributors.
2. They celebrated 42 years of marriage yesterday--I should ask them for a piece of advice (and take it!)

How about you? How can you Live the Love?

A Little Bit Happier, Day 1

It's Day 1 of my mini-Happiness Project!

It's good that the book starts out in the first chapter focusing on having more energy and vitality, because this is the time of year when I feel like a big slug. I get noticable surges of inspiration in the Spring and Fall, but January/February finds me relating a little too well with birds who fly south to drink fruity umbrella drinks in the sun, or bears who eat 10,000 calories and then curl up in a quiet place for a long, long nap.

Ah, a nap...

Confession: over Christmas, I learned that my 78 year old father (diabetic, cancer survivor) and my 69 year old mother (COPD, on 24hr/day oxygen) BOTH get more exercise on a daily basis than me. Um...embarrassing. And yet I wonder why I had to hop up and down to get my jeans on the morning after Christmas dinner?!

Chagrined, but determined to see the sunny side (look how EASY it will be for me to be more energetic, given how little I'm doing now!!!) here are the tips I'll apply for the next 12 days:

1. I will take a walk at least once a day. Around the block counts, and if THAT DOG is on her leash beside me, then I get double gold stars for multitasking greatness!

2. I will organize the cabinet in the bathroom to set myself free of the constant worry that my cough drops and/or hairbrush will land in the toilet below. Bonus points if I finally throw away the vitamins that expired in 2001.

3. I will act perky, energized, and two notches happier than whatever I feel inside. Why not?

Want to join me? What little things can you start today to be happier? In 12 days, maybe we can change the world!?

Happiness Quest: Goals, Resolutions

I just read the last chapter of Gretchen Rubin's THE HAPPINESS PROJECT, and it has me thinking about the choices we make in the last few days of the year about things we'd like to try, or do differently, or change that we hope will make the coming year even better. Before reading this, I'd never thought about the difference between goals and resolutions. But now I am, because as Gretchen so aptly points out, "You hit a goal; you keep a resolution."

We should have both going into 2010, don't you think? And they should be of different sizes, like Christmas presents. Because what if something tiny turns out to be the best gift/goal/resolution ever? What if flossing everyday really WILL change my life???

Over the next 12 or so days, my GOAL is to blog about each of the chapters in Gretchen's book and how her thoughts on the pursuit of happiness are helping mine. And my RESOLUTION is to use tips from her book to jolt myself back from the vague sort of winter malaise that can hit me when Christmas is over and the days seem sort of long, cold, and gray. I'm not sure I can resolve to be happier--that feels more like a ride I don't control. But I can resolve to do things that point me toward happiness and see where I end up at the end of a few days.

So tune in tomorrow...

In Lieu of Antidepressants

I have a longish drive ahead of me today, but I'm looking forward to it as a chance to indulge in one of my new favorite things. It's a bit of a guilty pleasure, truth be told...one of those childish moments that serves no greater purpose than to make me smile a big goofy "I can't believe I'm having this much fun" sort of grin as I'm driving down the road.

It's the Indigo Girls song, Rock and Roll Heaven's Gate. I like to sing along with it, at the top of my tone-deaf lungs (can lungs be tone deaf? One wouldn't think so, until you met mine...) as I'm driving down the road. It's a fabulous song: great angry lyrics, background vocals by Pink, and even space for a drum solo on the steering wheel if I can time it right with a stop light. It makes me happy just thinking about it.

And best of all...here's the secret (or a warning for those of you of more delicate sensibilities): my favorite part of the song is when one of the Indigo Girls (Emily? Amy?) belts out an f-bomb. It happens a few different times...it's right there in the lyric. And while some folks might say that's unnecessary, I'd argue that this is one of those great uses of language George Carlin argued for when he said, "There are no bad words, only words used badly." This f-bomb is used perfectly, and it feels so cathartic and therapeutic when I sing along with it, it makes me wonder how many people could go off anti-depressants if they just had the opportunity to belt out this song once or twice a day?

If you're feeling brave (and you're not at work and/or around small children) here you go...try for yourself!

Happiness = Whistlin' Dixie

I'm not one for year-end lists (I love reading them but am pretty terrible at creating them), but as we round the final curve and hit the straightaway towards 2010, I thought I'd share a few random things that have been happy rays of sunshine in this rather dark year.

The gorgeous cover of Lisa Patton's Whistlin' Dixie in A Noreaster caught my attention in one of my favorite local bookstores a few months back, and wouldn't let go. I didn't buy it that first night because I was at the store doing research for another type of book (technically I shouldn't have been anywhere near the New Fiction Table, but my legs just sort of wandered over...) After that, the book was everywhere I looked, whispering, "Pick me up! Read me!"

Three weeks later, I gave in, and was so glad I did. Whistlin' Dixie is a story DETERMINED to get to a happy ending. It's about real, flawed, hilarious characters wrestling with life's twists and disappointments. It has one of the best "revenge on the cheating ex" scenes ever, playing out the fantasy of what most of us have wanted to do for vengeance (but would be arrested for in real life.) It's a great book to get lost in, and sometimes that's exactly what you need. So if you need a fun, happy read to help end your 2009 on a high note, Whistlin' Dixie is a great pick.

Now, your turn: What's one small thing that's helped YOU maintain the happy this year?

When you can't eat the whole frog

"The process of writing books is somewhat akin to a very long police interrogation in which the detective leans over the table littered with the butt ends of cigarettes and cold coffee in Styrofoam cups and says for the 87th time, 'Now let's go over this again.'" -Ann Patchett

Yep. That's exactly what it's like. I'm facing the prospect of two such long interrogations in the coming extravaganza that will be 2010, so the question becomes how to fit Patchett's spot-on assessment of this task (which I've tested & verified through two books already) alongside my determination to live a happy life via the successful clearance of daily low-bar goals?

A confession: for some things, I find that the eat that frog approach doesn't work. Some projects are just too big & daunting, and envisioning them as an amphibian to be consumed makes things worse instead of better. So I'm trying to remember back to my college days, where it seemed like a long paper on some esoteric subject was due every single week. How did I get it all done? What motivated me? Was it the reward system? A sense that life wouldn't work if I didn't keep chipping away? Fear of failure?

Do you remember what motivated you the last time you did something huge? What would YOU do on your first day of writing a book?

Starting my Scheme!

I'm delighted to report that THAT DOG survived my attempt not to kill her. Ladies and Gentlemen, we're 4/4 in the week of low goal achievement!

As I thought about today's goal, I wasn't sure what would capture the giant picture of accomplishment that has been this week. What would be the appropriate focal point to get us low-bar types across the finish line and into the weekend? I had some ideas...

I could do a load of laundry....Or I could write "Merry Christmas! Love Trish & Steve" on the single holiday card I plan to send....Or I could choreograph an interpretive dance to the tune of an Adam Lambert song to express my glee that that 2009 is almost over!

I may do all of these things. But scrolling through Facebook this morning, I found a better thing to be the BIG END OF THE WEEK GOAL. I owe this idea to Gretchen Rubin (author of my new favorite book THE HAPPINESS PROJECT) and this great link to Samuel Johnson's to-do list from the year 1760. Sam's plan?

*Rise as early as I can
*Send for books
*Put books in order
*Scheme life

That's the whole list. Is this not genius??? Think about it: every one of us has already checked off one item (I got out of bed when I woke up this morning, so I'm calling that "as early as I can.") I'll send for books! I'll put books in order! But most exciting of all...I'll SCHEME LIFE!

Want to join me? (If so, here's a link to my book and Gretchen's, to help with the sending for books.) Drop a line in the comments and let me know your scheming tips! What are you scheming? How do you scheme? Is there a special location involved, or can I just stare out any window and get started?

Didn't is the New Did

The good news is, I came way closer than expected to saving the cat yesterday. I shimmied up the metaphorical tree with a can of tuna in hand...all that's left is to say, "Here kitty, kitty, kitty..." and the cat (as well as my writing career) will live on.

The bad news is that by becoming so engrossed in the cat, I almost poisoned THAT DOG. Noting my distraction, she made a power move on the trash which included some chocolate cookies I'd thrown away in an attempt to save my jeans. Chocolate = Dog Poison. Fortunately, she was flummoxed by the seal on the top of the cookie container, which she attempted to open by rolling it around the kitchen and into the appliances with her snout. It got a rather loud, which I think was her way of suggesting that my priorities were badly misdirected with this whole cat thing. Point taken (even if I had to struggle a bit not to laugh at her protest.)

Today's goal: DON'T kill the dog! It's my first goal based on going an entire day NOT doing something, so we've raised the bar! A NOTE to those for whom this seems overwhelming: I'd never attempt this if I didn't have almost 5200 days of not killing the dog to look back on in search of tips & pointers. You can start with a plant, or even your toothbrush if that feels more doable in terms of not killing something today. We're all about success! 3-3, going for 4-4!

What can YOU not do?

Surfing to Save The Cat

I got the happiest email from a friend yesterday. She's new to writing, working on some web content for her job, and just discovering what a wild ride the highs and lows of the creative life can be. She said:

Writing is so intense! I keep thinking of you. It's like this huge creative process (okay, obvious!). I've already put in a zillion hours and things are just starting to flow which is awesome. And then things flow and it's satisfying but then you get to this point and you're exhausted but you have to keep going because the juices are flowing. Wow...it's quite a process. Okay, now i'm going back in...

My response was deep and profound: I said, "Yep. That's exactly what it's like." Writing is like surfing. It might be a long wait for the wave, but once it comes it's a fun ride.

Which brings me to Today's Goal: I've conquered flossing and lip gloss. I'm feeling confident. It's time for a bigger challenge! Today, I will...read ONE chapter in book! I can do it! I have what it takes to succeed!

The book is called SAVE THE CAT. Every writer friend I know says it will rock my world. Today I'm stepping up to the plate, ready to be rocked. Just to be clear: I won't read the whole book. At the end of today, the cat will remain unsaved. But I will read the first chapter, and consider today a success.

Low bar goal setters of the world, unite!

Project Lip Gloss!

I flossed yesterday (Goal!!!)...and the momentum from that one act sent me flying into an entirely new stratosphere of accomplishment, in which I wrote the entire first draft of the proposal for my next book. Seventy-seven pages, to be exact.

As you can guess, I'll be flossing again this morning.

So today I need a new goal, something small and manageable I can slip in between all my other plans. What have I come up with, you ask? Okay, here it is...TODAY'S GOAL: Project Lip Gloss! (The exclamation point is key.) I'll consider today a huge success if I better manage my lip gloss application throughout the day. (Surely I can't be the first person to think that this will make a huge difference in my overall quality of life...?) I'll report back tomorrow from this important endeavor!

Want to join me down here with my low-bar goals? NOW is the time! What will YOU take credit for today that everyone else in the world is doing already???

Goals & High Fives

I'm laying out the blueprint tonight so tomorrow will feel like an accomplished day. It doesn't take much for me to feel like I deserve a high five for my great exploits, so you'd think it would happen with some regularity. But over the past few weeks, high fives have been few and far between.

So for tomorrow, I'm making GOALS. Not intimidating goals, but rather the little ones that are easy to accomplish and (the theory goes) will set me up for a lifetime of success.

So far, I have one goal: To FLOSS.

But I need more to choose from. That's where you come in! Should I sign up for polka lessons? Learn five new words from the dictionary? Translate an article from the Sunday paper into the French/Spanish hybrid my friend Cathy and I developed in law school?

Suggestions, please!

The Happiness Project

A book saved my #$%* the other night. I'm being a touch melodramatic, but not entirely. I was hip deep in a funk I've been fighting for about two weeks now, ready to abandon hope and go down with the ship. But as anyone who's seen Titanic knows, sinking ships take awhile. So in an effort to keep myself occupied (and lacking the energy to rearrange the deck chairs) I picked up the advanced copy I'd received of Gretchen Rubin's new book THE HAPPINESS PROJECT. Forty five minutes and three chapters later, I felt like maybe--just maybe--it would be worth the effort to right the ship.

Gretchen is also a lawyer-turned-writer (although her lawyering was of a much more impressive variety than mine: she clerked for U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, I made coffee one summer for a judge newly elected to the Philadelphia Court of Common Pleas...) and I think our minds run along some of the same channels, both for good (creative drive! motivation! an ability to express ourselves clearly and persuasively!) and bad (want affirmation and gold stars! quite convinced we're right! not always discrete about conveying this information!) What I love about this book is Gretchen's combination of honest self-exploration with real attempts to live a happier life. This isn't a self-help book, but rather a memoir that happens to have some ideas that you yourself could try (I've been sleeping better since I followed two of her suggestions, and that makes everything a little better...)

I'll be blogging more about this book in the future...Gretchen tackles twelve areas of life in her book and I'm thinking it might make a really fun post-Christmas series if I try to do the same. But if you're looking for a book to make the waiting part of life a little easier, pre-order this book now so you'll have a fun surprise on December 29th when it arrives.

Question: If you could feel happier in one area of life, which would it be?

What I want/what I'm afraid I'll get

Going to the eye doctor today. The super-eye doctor, an opthamologist, rather than an optometrist. (And yes, I know I spelled that first one incorrectly. But the only alternative Blogger's spell check offers is "Epidemiologist," and as lovely as folks in that line of work might be, they can't help me renew my contact lens prescription.)

Really, that's all I'm after: new contacts. The law requires a new exam every year, which is absurd; my prescription hasn't changed since law school (where my eyes were so bugged out from all that reading that they started to shut down in protest). So I hope the doctor won't be too obsessive about delving into every nook & cranny of my eyes, because medical procedures freak me out.

Help me here: on a scale of 1-5, how rude is it to say, "No thank you, I'd rather not see the 3D depiction of my eyeball on the computer...and too much discussion of how much air makes it through the contact lens makes me feel like I might hyperventilate..."?

Need bumpers for my bowling alley

I've fallen into a rut. Not sure how it happened. Most likely some innocent combination of so much to think/do/say/be over a short period of time that I lost the plot of my life. Regardless, today, I'm climbing back out.

Two things prompted this realization:

First, my friend Brian has a blog about Advent. I've never been particularly "Adventian" in my faith (I'm not all that liturgical, so unless someone reminds me or hands me a calender filled with chocolates, I can spend most of the pre-Christmas season unaware of the bigger spiritual picture) but this year, I'm trying to pay better attention. In the first three blogs, the focus hasn't been on what I expected--Jesus, Mary, the angel with the weird news--but rather the signs we get that indicate that God is up to something big and exciting, something we're invited to be part of. I like that idea.

Then I read a post over at Writer Unboxed by literary agent Donald Maass. He was talking about what makes a novel a "big" story: things like symbolism, having many windows into the story, parallels and reversals. As I read it, I realized how for me, "big" stories have a sense of playing out over time: they evolve, unfold, progress, stall. Things aren't rushed and time feels expansive. I can trust that things will happen when they should, because it's not up to me to get to the end of the story...that's the author's job.

I'm almost embarrassed to admit that this was a "Wow" moment for me: realizing that perhaps I can get out of my rut if I trust that it's not up to me to get my story to any certain point by any certain time. That I can try trusting and see how it works out.

Don't worry: I won't burden you with the awkward image of God as my author that you fear might be coming, nor will I saddle you with the pedestrian things that getting out of the gutter and back on life's bowling lane entail for me today. Instead, I'll leave you with this inspiration from writer/encourager Steven Pressfield about pushing through self doubt.

Happy bowling :)

Faking it 'til I make it: Holiday edition

I'm feeling a bit bah-humbuggy about Christmas. I'm mourning the loss of the Christmases of my childhood, when my family gave gifts large and small that said all sorts of things about us (not the least of which was "you need new socks & underwear") but where the primary message was, "I know you enough to know how much you'll enjoy this..."

I'm not sure I know anybody that well anymore, which seems like a huge loss.

Certainly, ideas for gifts have crossed my mind. But I've lost my confidence. Perhaps it's because Steve and I moved twice in the span of four months this year, which made me aware of every item I own and what it feels like to haul them up and down several flights of stairs. Or maybe it's the ongoing refrain that's so prevelent now, where we all lament the accumulation of stuff in our lives and how hard it is to control, manage, or organize. Whatever the source, I'm left with this awful fear: if I buy you a gift, and it's not something you really, really like, haven't I just burdened you with more stuff?

I'm pretty sure that's not the spirit of the season, no matter where you fall on the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza continuum. So I'm fighting back. Today, I will listen to Christmas carols. I will contemplate where our decorations might fit in this new apartment and not worry that my efforts won't be worthy of the Good Housekeeping seal of approval. And most importantly (and this is the promise I'm most determined to keep) I will buy someone a present and take the risk of "burdening" them with more stuff, trusting that the idea that I was thinking of them today as I wandered around out in the world will mean something.

How are you feeling about the holidays this year?

The Secret of Joy

It's been awhile since we've done an author meet & greet here at Trish's Dishes. But when I heard about Melissa Senate's new book, THE SECRET OF JOY, a couple of months ago, I emailed her right away to see if she'd answer some questions for us.

Melissa is all sorts of things I love: a prolific author, funny, wise...AND she lives in Maine. Whenever I read her books, I want to drive north to take her out for chocolate martinis to talk about writing and life. So let's pretend that I did! Here we are:



And here's our conversation!

1. I’m curious about your characters! One of the first things I thought of when I finished THE SECRET OF JOY was how good it felt to read a book with no real bad guy. Arguably Rebecca’s father isn’t a shining example of perfection, and a couple minor characters are jerks, but overall the conflict isn’t one of good vs. evil so much as the challenge of adapting to new information (or something more subtle and profound like that!) Was that a conscious decision on your part? How did your characters evolve during the writing process?

A: I love this question because the challenge of adapting to new information is exactly what the story is truly about. You’re hit with a doozy, sometimes a few at once, and what do you do? How do you process it? How does it change you? I wasn’t conscious of having those questions in my head when I started writing; I just knew I needed to find some answers for myself about the autobiographical aspect of The Secret of Joy. Eight years ago, I received an email out of the blue that said: I think you might be my half-sister. It took me a long time to take all the questions that this email, this doozy, raised in me, and dump it on my characters to help me sort it out. Just as I had to accept the new information of a half-sibling I’d never met suddenly making contact, Joy Jayhawk had to, despite not wanting to, despite wanting to stay shut down. And Rebecca, queen of getting stuck in a rut of her own making, not even a particularly comfortable rut, suddenly wanted something that required movement and moxie. I was so happy with how they ended up, how they opened up their own lives. No spoilers by saying they both get a happy ending.

2. You write fiction for both adults (SEE JANE DATE and THE SOLOMON SISTERS WISE UP are two of my favorites) and teens (THEODORA TWIST). How did you start writing for a younger audience? Do you consciously alternate between the two markets as you’re plotting new books?

A: Oooh, thank you for that, Trish! I’d always wanted to write for teens and kept it in the back of my mind as something I’d think about one day, but then the “one day” presented itself in the form of an idea I couldn’t shake. No one would ever know it, but the inspiration of Theodora Twist, about a teen movie star with a bad image who’s forced to film a reality TV show about how she’s really just an ordinary teenager (not!) by living with one (who really is) and doing everything she does, came from my being a nervous new mother. Isn’t that crazy? I can remember seeing all these perfect looking, skinny, coiffed new mothers walking in packs with their snazzy strollers on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, where I lived until my son turned two, and feeling so . . . not of them. When I feel that way, I have a tendency to make my main character “the opposition” and really delve into who they really are and if their life is really so glam and perfect. I love demystifying people for myself. Love that about writing. It’s why I made the main character of The Secret of Joy the seeking half-sibling; I wanted to put myself in the other person’s shoes. Not always easy! I think this relates back to your comment in the first question about their being no real bad guys (or girls) in the book.

My next teen novel, THE MOSTS, is coming out in June 2010, and I have a full proposal, a meaty synopsis and five chapters of a new YA, that my agent gave me great notes on for revision. I think adult fiction comes more easily, more naturally to me, but I personally love to read YA so I’m very drawn to continue writing for that market. Once I finish the adult novel I’m working on now, I’ll revise the new YA proposal. It’s a little different for me, a little edgier, so we shall see. And no, no vampires!

3. Speaking of plotting…are you a “plotter” (who outlines the whole story ahead of time) or a “pantster” (who flies by the seat of your pants to see what the characters do next)?

A: I am a serious plotter. I love long, meaty synopses in the character’s voice that I then break into chapters and then into scenes. That’s basically how I structure/format a new novel. I need to know where my characters, where my plot, are headed. And I write to an ending. Everything I do leads me to that ending.

4. Many of my blog readers are aspiring writers—can you tell us a bit about your writing routine? For example, how do you juggle writing and motherhood? Do you work on one project at a time or do you work on several simultaneously? How soon after finishing a project do you start another?

A: I’m a full-time writer and freelance copywriter/editor, and right now I’m very lucky that my seven-year-old son is at school for seven hours a day. I’m a morning person, a wake-up-at-5 a.m. morning person, and I like to hit the computer when I’m fresh out of bed without a certain little voice saying, “MOMMY!” for a good two hours. I read the previous scene, get all the threads going in my head, and then start writing. Then, when my dear Max wakes up, I turn my attention to him. Once the school bus pulls away, I always do my freelance work (I typically write one back-cover per day or have a freelance line-edit to work on) and then I’ll be itching to get back to my manuscript, which I’ll work on till the bus pulls back up. I only work on one novel at a time. For example, before I started the women’s fiction manuscript I’m writing now, I wrote a proposal for my next YA. I need to revise that one, but I won’t do that until I finish the women’s fiction manuscript. I think I’d have too hard a time keeping both stories in my head, all the trials and tribulations of the characters. Because I’m not a night owl, it’s very difficult for me to write at night, after my son goes to bed. That’s when I do most of my reading or watch some fun TV. But when I’m very close to deadline (like now), I work till midnight every night and eat whatever want. Like the half-gone chocolate Santa on my coffee table.

I start a new project immediately after finishing one, mostly because I’m a single mother and write full time! If I don’t produce, there’s no second income to lean on. My next novel is due to my editor on January 1st, so the day after I’ll start working on the proposal for the next one. I already have the idea and wrote up a page-long pitch that I’ll send my agent; if she green-lights, then I’ll work it into a full proposal. I love the whole process. The dreaming up the idea, the figuring out the meat and bones, the submitting, the waiting and nail biting, the writing, the submitting. I find all of it very exciting. The part that makes my stomach flip is the two months or so before the book comes out, when I’m anxiously awaiting reviews.

5. What is your favorite scene from THE SECRET OF JOY?

A: My very favorite scene is when Joy’s female clients on the love bus (except Victoria, who found instant love with Victor) are exploring the beautiful lighthouse in Cape Elizabeth (Maine), and they’re all staring out at the water and just start opening up, the way staring out at an endless expanse of ocean can have you do, and Joy asks which is worse: to lose the father you’ve loved your entire life, or to have never known him at all. That scene starts all the characters on an honesty-path that gets kinda bumpy for everyone.

6. What are you working on next?

A: I’m scary-close to deadline (1/1/10) for my next novel, THE LOVE GODDESS'S COOKING SCHOOL, about the unlikely teacher of an Italian cooking class and her four unlikely students. There’s a teensy bit of magic, a little romance, lots of delicious Italian food. That’ll be out next November. I’m definitely not ready to think about next November, but it’s wonderful to know that a new book will be making its fun production journey all through the coming year.

(*And this is where, in our imaginary martini-time, we'd turn off the cameras, order another round of chocolate martinis, and talk about all sorts of super-secret girl stuff regarding our next books, cute boys, and where to get cute shoes in Maine*)

Bloggies...don't you love her? I seriously recommend THE SECRET OF JOY as a holiday giving idea. It will bring entertainment, hope, and happiness to readers everywhere...what more could one ask for in a gift?

Rembrandt: More than a toothpaste!

Six years ago today, Steve and I went on our first date. He took me to the Museum of Fine Arts to see a Rembrandt exhibit that was making it's way through town. I was nervous and excited and hopeful--all the typical feelings that collide inside of you on a first date, the ones that either grow or die as you get to know each other. I'd been burned so many times before I met Steve...I'd be lying if I didn't admit that throughout that afternoon, I kept looking inside my heart and mind for little deaths. But that's not how it worked out. Rather than the beginning of the end for us, that afternoon of looking at intimidating oil paintings together was the beginning of a surprising happily ever after...and a series of adventures both large & small.

That day changed my expectations for what's possible in life. It's a memory that's warm and wonderful for all the obvious reasons, but also because it represents something so much bigger to me: that EVERYTHING about life as you know it can change in a single day. That seems like something worth keeping in mind :)

Out with the old, thankful

I'm cleaning my office. Or, to be more precise, trying to finish unpacking and create some new sort of order so that the end of my desk is not where the extra bathmat lives (buried beneath a pile of bank forms for an account we closed and a giant flashlight).

When we moved into this apartment a few weeks back, we were pretty fried. We got the main rooms up and running, and the other rooms caught the overflow. I finally made good on my 2 year old goal to buy a new file cabinet, but once I got it home, the piles of files were so overwhelming (and I'd forgotten to buy hanging folders: FAIL) that I just dumped everything into the bottom drawer and slammed it shut, mentally labeling it "Things I'll never look at again."

This week, I'll attempt to pick up the pieces and put Humpty Dumpty back together again. I've lost track of which old bills can be shredded and what documents must be saved, but I'll try to figure it out. I'll take a wild chance that because THAT DOG turns 14 next month, I can probably stop worrying that anyone will demand to see the certificate proving she completed puppy training school. I'll throw away the antique-ish clock that eats batteries but never tells the correct time, and every single highlighter without ink. There will be Hefty Trash Bags, lots of shredding, and no stone left unturned in my quest for simplicity and order.

Then I'll start work on (God willing) two new books I'm thinking about, and trash the place in a whole new way :)

This week, as I sort and clean, I'm extra, uber-thankful to be back here in Cambridge. I'm glad 2009 is almost over and that I have some time to ponder everything that happened and try to put it into the larger context of my life. I'm thankful for people--in my family, in my neighborhood, in my blogsphere--who make each new day fun and challenging and full of unexpected little laughs. I'm thankful for THAT DOG, this long gorgeous autumn, new ideas, and coffee.

And I'm thankful for you, blog readers! Helpful comments, votes of confidence, book recommendations...It's cool to have this part of life that feels so personal, and yet connects so many of us who wouldn't have met any other way. :)

Big Question

Blog Friends:

What ONE book would you give a friend who was moving away to a new city and an exciting adventure? It could be fiction or non, practical or mystical, heartfelt or tough love. Imagine yourself browsing through the bookstore, gift card from me in hand, selecting the PERFECT send off for my friend...

What do you buy?

The Divining Wand

My niece once had a wand. It was pink & purple (of course) with a big plastic star on the top, blinking lights, and a button which made the wand emit an eerie, high pitched sound. I speak of the wand in the past tense because I suspect that it is gone now, it's magic powers no match for determined grown ups who could not stand to hear that weird sound one more time.

Here's the thing: that plastic wand was a sham. But the idea behind it, of girl power--and our longing for something sparkly and wonderful to connect us to things that are good and true and right--is valid, and deserves more that purple plastic and a noise that could call dogs back from the woods.

That's a long way of saying that I've found a better "wand." It's not a thing, so much as a place, a website called The Divining Wand started by one of my favorite book bloggers, Larramie. She is an amazing friend to authors, and has both a gigantic heart and an inspired imagination that spill out all over her website as she dreams up creative ways to consider the companion arts of writing and reading.

I've been honored to have some of my thoughts on writing appear on The Diving Wand, and it's been so helpful for me to read other authors' responses to the same questions. It reminds me that there's no "right" way to do this--writing, life. We're all intricate and unique, and I believe that finding the frequency God wired us for is part of the adventure. I'm grateful to have a site like this where I can remember that just because someone else writes 35 pages every single day or always does 100 pushups before bedtime doesn't mean I'm off track if I my productivity chart has wild highs and lows rather than a straight & steady line. Somehow, things get done. Well, not so much with the pushups, but at least with the pages...

Check out the Divining Wand. Check out the books by the authors you meet there. Think about dialing down from the pressure to do things a certain way, and see if a little breathing room doesn't open up new possibilities. Or just look around and bookmark the site as a fabulous place to hang out :)

Chicks Write On :)

As you may have heard, Publishers Weekly recently announced their "Best Novels of 2009"... a list which included exactly no books by female authors. So sad. And, frankly, bizarre.

Over at Twitter, we do this cool thing called #FridayReads, where we share what we're reading going into the weekend. Today, we're focusing on books by women. I thought I'd do the same thing here at the blog.

And over at SheWrites, they've put out a Call to Action. (I love calls to action!) Kamy, the CEO, caused quite a stir at her local Barnes & Noble when she walked in and bought thirty-nine books by female authors. 39!!! Kamy is my hero (and I can just imagine the excitement of having that many amazing books just waiting to be opened!)

We can do this too! We can buy a book--for ourselves, for someone we'll be exchanging with for the holidays--today, one that is written by a female author. As a female author myself, I thank you (in advance!) Together, our pile will go even higher than 39.

Because here's the truth: what authors really want isn't so much accolades and getting our names on lists...it's readers.

So do tell: what are some of the best books you've read this year by women authors? Which titles are you excited to read? Which one will you buy today?

Deep thoughts on the cow couch

It took some doing, but I finally made my way through all the doom & gloom on the front page of today's New York Times (we executed somebody last night, healthcare is doomed, and there's not enough of anything we all want to go around) to find something truly blog worthy.

Check out this woman, and her "create a cow from a cow" inspired furnishings. Go ahead. Read it. I'll wait.

At first, looking at those hippopotamus-like benches (not to mention the picture of the guys pouring the plaster cast of the cow's stomach...) I thought, "This woman is nuts...why would anyone call that art?" But then this quote, describing how she got to this place, caught my attention: "She was baffled by the social psychology of a reputed animal-loving nation that felt it had to transform chicken into dinosaur-shaped nuggets to feed to its children."

Hmm...that's an interesting point. Suddenly, I was contemplating the true meaning of the cow couch. Okay, not really. But it got me thinking about the things I don't really think about. It reminded me of a day I had lunch with my mom, where we ordered some sort of fish & chips combo and the fish came in 3 inch triangles. My mom picked up a piece and asked (being from Maine and married to a lobsterman and all) "I wonder what kind of fish is shaped like this?" Then, realizing that the answer was "No fish ever comes in that particular dimention..." we both burst out laughing.

I'm just now starting to give serious consideration to the food I eat. Not so much as a dietary question (I've tried that, and the only motivation that really works is when I need to eat less to fit into my jeans) but as a spiritual one. It sounds kind of hoaky, but if part of a spiritual life is having some sort of awareness of the things God created (and the shape he created them in) it seems like my blind consumption of diosaur-shaped chicken bits might be a missed opportunity. Don't get me wrong--I'm not against dino-themed kids meals or even triangular fish. But before I eat something (or buy something, or make fun of something like a giant hippo-esque cow couch) I can ask, "Um, God...what's going on here?" and see if he has anything to say.

I'm not brave enough to ask that question when reading the front page of the Times. It's too overwhelming. But I can ask it about the little things, and trust that that's enough to start a conversation. Right now, I have a page of "extra smooth" tofu in the fridge. If that doesn't inspire a "what's going on here?" conversation, I don't know what will.

Trying new things, some successfully

I know blog posts about weather aren't at all exciting, but I'm soooo loving all these amazing sunny days in November! Which is funny, because most of the memorable moments from the weekend involved being indoors. I....

1. Finished reading COMMENCEMENT by J. Courtney Sullivan. Loved it. Really well written friendships, and I love how she captures that way you can let months go by without calling each other without meaning to, and then reconnect.

2. Went to a party where I ate tofu that billed itself as "steak." I'm not a huge fan of soy anything (well, sauce maybe...because that's just liquid salt). But I'm particularly skeptical when something white and slimy claims to be a viable stand-in for beef. But my friend Pascha kept saying, "Try it...it's so amazing." As usual, Pas was right. So yummy! I've now concluded that you could serve me shoelaces and dog treats, and if it was all covered in a sauce of some sort, I'd happily chow it down.

3. Learned that I lack the skill set to manage large numbers of small children. Sigh. I now understand that there are two kinds of people in the world: those who have, somewhere in the recesses of their mind, a handy grab bag of entertaining games to keep kids from climbing the walls and killing each other, and those who don't. Steve and I are in the latter catagory. What's truly sad was that had it been a room full of dogs, I'd have known exactly what to do...

TV

I watched the new show "V" last night. Wow. Totally creepy gross, and with reptiles to boot. I'm officially sucked in. I never saw the original 80s version, so all the big plot reveals are new to me. But I did catch on that the main creepy guy on the reptile ship was wearing a lizard skin blazer...that was a nice touch.

When the show was over, I ended up with TV whiplash, as our DVR switched over to the next show in line to be recorded: 18 Kids and Counting. (Yes, I watch this show. They're happy people. I like that) I couldn't help but imagine the Duggar family, and how they'd respond if the reptile ship of false hope & promises hovered over their abode in Arkansas? Somehow, I don't think they'd be all that impressed.

And that, my friends, is the big news here. Today at lunch I'll watch the latest installment of So You Think You Can Dance. No spoilers, please!!!

Can I get a happy ending!?

I'm on a reading kick, devouring novels like a ravenous literature beast. I go through phases like this sometimes, where I'm "All memoir, all the time!" or I crash through bookstores and libraries searching out every book on "Meaning & symbolism in professional sports." This month, it's fiction.

In my novel kick, I've been reading today's heavy hitters--modern authors who've churned out five, six, even ten major works over the course of their careers so far. I'm looking to see how they structure things, how they develop characters, move the plot along. Essentially, I'm getting a tutorial in 21st Century American literature.

Know what I'm discovering? That it's GRIM. Not the writing. That's poignant and beautiful and filled with the usual assortment of artful metaphors you'd expect from writers who have been at this awhile. But it's a rare moment indeed when something truly delightful happens to any of the characters in these books. By and large, these stories are populated with unenviable people leading unenviable lives, to whom something particularly unfortunate is about to happen. They're not given tools to deal creatively with either their lives or the unfortunate event. There's very little humor, or passion, or deep belief in something that might help them transcend. They're just left to struggle like fish in a barrel, waiting for the end.

What is that about? Why are these the books being lauded for their literary merit?

Here's my thought: it is MORE difficult to write a compelling story filled with believable characters that ends on an up note. As readers, we're suspicious of happiness. We search for signs of pat endings or authors taking the easy way out. Which means that the well done happy ending is one of the most elusive goals in writing today.

In one of my favorite songs, the band Sugarland points out that, From the beginning, we're all looking for a happy ending. I think they're onto something.

For those of you diving into NaNoWriMo, consider taking this up as your challenge! And for the rest of us readers, writers & thinkers about life...let's celebrate--and reach for--happy endings. I think they deserve some attention.

Life Management & Surprises

I'm having lunch today with my awesome friend Biology Girl! I thought we'd made plans for yesterday, so there I was sitting outside the restaurant for half an hour, playing with my iPhone, trying to look cool (because in Harvard Square there's a lot of attempted cool) and wondering what had happened.

Turns out, I'd written down the wrong date (see all my attempted cool evaporating into the atmosphere...) I'm still a little out of it in terms of knowing if it's Monday or Wednesday...part of diving into a novel all day and creating this whole alternative world. But if the only downside to my scheduling snafu was soaking up some quality sunshine on what might have been the most beautiful fall day ever (seriously--the sky was that shade of blue they use in travel posters to try and get you to fly to Greece) and four quarters spent on parking, I'm okay with that.

Today, we'll try again.

Part of what I love about hanging out with Biology Girl is that it reminds me that friendship isn't like Match.com--it doesn't always come from having the most in common. She and I are totally different: she's a PhD in science; I took bio pass/fail in college so it wouldn't mess up my GPA. She's a locavore/chef who loves being thrown in the kitchen with an hour to make a meal out of figs, sweet potato, and a leftover onion; the best meal I cooked last week was Saltines & Campbell's chicken noodle soup when I thought Steve & I might be getting a cold. We both love books but read different genres. We both love clothes but wear different styles. In truth, there's no outwardly discernible reason why we love hanging out together. We just do.

I like it when people surprise me and things can't be sorted out and neatly catagorized. Life is more interesting when it's a little unpredictable and messy.

There you have it, my philosophical musings for the day. Now, into the shower!

A book fest!

Attention Boston-area writers/readers: The Boston Book Fest is this weekend!!! You'll want to go. I want to go. So let's meet there! I have the whole itinerary mapped out and highlighted with the authors I'm excited to see: Richard Russo, Tom Perrotta, Elinor Lipman, the Anitas (Diamant & Shreve), Andre Dubus III, Amy MacKinnon... My plan is to tote my piggy bank downtown, dump it open on the Porter Square Books table, and see how many books those pennies will buy.

And after that, since I'll be way too awed to know which book to read first, the plan is to finally go see Julie & Julia. With movies, I can't even pretend to be on the cutting edge. But eventually, I get there.

Finally...a fashion lesson. Learned today, the hard way: If you new shoes at Marshalls/TJMaxx, check the soles before you leave the house. Otherwise the entire world will know you got your new clogs for $39.99.

Happy weekend!

In happier news...

Mary Kay has a new lip gloss named after my new favorite fictional character, Fancy Nancy! (Because any girl knows that the right lip gloss is a key component to any extraordinary adventure!). And...

The Snuggie has competition! Behold: The Slanket! My nominee for second-worst product name ever (see below for #1) but the options make this site worth checking out. Sofa Safari leopard print? Walk The Slank skull & crossbones? I so want a job where I'd get to make stuff like this up, because you know the branding department at Slanket, Inc. is among the world's funnest places to work.

And finally, in terms of terribly named pleasant surprises, The Nook! I'm not in the market for an e-reader, but in terms of gadgets, this one captured my attention in the way none of the others have. I dig the touch screen, and the design, and the blatant way they've copied all that is good from Apple. (I've always thought the Kindle looked like a diagnostic tool my dentist would use to determine new ways to hurt me). But I'm not jumping in just yet.

When I was in the fourth grade and wanted to get my ears pierced, my mom wanted me to think it over carefully. So she made me name some incredibly high number of people who had pierced ears (and this was before cable TV, so my exposure to celebrities was limited to her hour of One Life To Live, the local news, and whoever was wrestling wildlife into submission on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom). It took me several weeks of staring obsessively at women's ears, but eventually I hit my number, and mom took me to adorn my lobes with tiny gold stars (see: Fancy Nancy, above).

My mom is a wise woman. So I'll apply her approach to The Nook: If I can come up with twenty five books I want to own, but wouldn't care that I didn't have them on the shelf...AND I sell another book that I've written that others to load onto their Nooks (now you see, that just sounds terrible. What were they thinking with this name?) then perhaps I'll become a Nook owner myself.

How about you? If you had a Nook, what books would make the cut?
And what new, bizarre product options have I missed that are stirring your imagination?

Grim research, new strategy

As I mentioned a few days ago, I've been doing research for my novel. Not my favorite part of the process, but necessary. (It could be worse: my friend Amy's book Tethered had her researching how bodies are embalmed...)

The downside of research is that it doesn't always turn out to be helpful. Over the weekend, I read (okay, skimmed) three books on various psychological disorders, trying to figure out how to craft an evil--but interesting--bad guy. I read about sociopaths and narcissists, mostly, but dabbled a bit in disassociative identity disorder and something else I can't remember the name of. At the end of the day, here's what I'd learned:

1. Sociopaths/psychopaths aren't all like Ted Bundy. Mostly they're normal people who lack a conscience, and so go through life without thinking about how their actions or behavior could affect other people. They won't ever notice your feelings, because it doesn't occur to them. Life is all about them, all the time.

2. Narcissists are like sociopath-lites...but not by much. They know their actions affect others, but they're so self involved (and filled with shame) that they don't/can't care. They spend their entire lives manipulating others, insisting that everything go their way, isolating themselves from anyone or anything who might stand up to them or get too close to who they really are inside. They're loaners who see other people as pawns in their game.

3. Grim realization #1: Sociopaths/narcissists don't change. Ever. I didn't know there were any diagnostic catagories of people psychologists had just given up on, but the overall message of these books was that if you're involved in any way with someone like this, run. It's not ever going to change, it won't get any better. Your only hope is to get away.

4. Grim realization #2 (the author perspective): Unless your sociopath/narcissist does something specular with his/her life (Picasso, Frank Lloyd Wright) or truly depraved (Ted Bundy)...they're REALLY boring to read about. They're simply mean, dull people that most healthy folks try to get away from. They manipulate, they have control issues, they throw fits and make unreasonable demands. But unless they're brilliant (and most aren't) they're not interesting in a way that will keep a reader turning pages.

So... it's back to the drawing board for me with my bad guy. I'm mulling over something Donald Miller just quoted from Robert McKee on Twitter:

"A character is revealed by the decisions they make under pressure."

I think this is true in real life as well as fiction. So today as I write, I'm going to turn up the heat on my bad guy, to see how he reacts.

Navigating these uncharted territories is a stretch, but a good one. And it's certainly never dull :)