Monday, January 07, 2008

Real squirrels do eat quiche

We have acquired a squirrel.

This audacious, gluttonous rodent waltzed boldly onto our property two weeks ago, and has set up shop like some crazy distant relative, prancing around like he owns the place. Last week, I saw him scoffing down a cinnamon raisin cookie on our front porch. Friday, there was a nibbled slice of quiche on the upper back porch railing (where does a squirrel get quiche???). And this morning, I found the wrapper and a few remaining pieces of a McDonald's breakfast sandwich outside of our front door. Unbelievable.

THAT DOG is beside herself. She keeps running at the kitchen window in unrestrained fury, howling at this interloper, only to have the squirrel stare back at her unfazed, as if to say, "What? You want a piece of me?" He has a point. THAT DOG might outweigh him by a pound or two, but in paw-to-paw combat, my beloved pup would be cowering in the corner. She's a lover, not a fighter.

All this leaves me wondering why squirrels exist at all--Do they eat mosquitoes or keep down the rat population? Does their breath somehow cleanse toxins from the environment? This one, at least, doesn't seem to have much in the way of redeeming qualities. He's lucky he's a city squirrel; where I come from folks keep BB guns in the kitchen for just this kind of encounter. Not that I know how to shoot a BB gun or anything, but it sure is fun to think about when I'm cleaning up his leftover quiche.

16 comments:

Melek said...

i think squirrels exist to replant trees. they bury nuts all over the place, forget about them, and then in a few years, VIOLA! a new tree pops up.

they're also great exercise for the dog. he LOVES to chase em.

Larramie said...

A quiche lover...perhaps he's French Canadian looking for a way home?

L Sass said...

My dad (who lives in the 'burbs) would just set out a bunch of rat traps. Cruel, but true!

Patti said...

i suggest a super soaker...oh what clean wet fun you will have! (we have one sitting on the front porch...no lie)

Paige Jennifer said...

Ah, squirrels. I have had a run in with those buggers not once but twice and INSIDE both times. The first one was a dead and rotted version of a squirrel pinned under a box of china in my parent's house. I immediately noted I'd be using paper plates. The second time was when one plopped down their chimney and went nutso tearing the house apart. Who doesn't want a rabbies foaming squirrel scraping up the wood floors?

Michelle said...

i don't know if squirrels really have a purpose but they sure are cute! especially the flying ones :)

ellesappelle said...

Phew, thanks for making me laugh! I wish we had quiche-eating squirrels in New Zealand, or any squirrels of any type for that matter.

Beck said...

Oh, this is funny. Since it's not me and all.
We used to have this brazen squirrel that would come strutting in off the balconey, back when I was much younger and more tolerant of rodents...

Kristen said...

I don't know their purpose either, but they sure are resourceful little buggers! They need to watch out in my neighborhood, too. My neighbor watches from his living room - if a squirrel so much as steps a foot onto his lawn, he runs out of his house, yelling, "Get away, vermin!" He has also been known to use explosives. Poor THAT DOG. But it probably gives her some excitement in this dreary part of the winter! :-)

Sarakastic said...

the squirrels here don't bring their own food, they just dismantle everything from birdhouses to hammocks, wanna trade?

LEstes65 said...

Sounds like some of your neighbors need to secure their garbage cans a bit more gooderishly.

I have always loved squirrels. Back in my days of hating all humanity (ie - when I rode the T and walked on the crowded downtown sidewalks), I had a regular exercise of thanking God for 10 things. Some days, that was hard. I recall often thanking God for the fluffy tails of squirrels. They make me smile. I mean, if you can just pretend you don't know about the little critters that live within that fluffy tail fur, they're very cute.

But then again, I have always felt like city critters get a bum wrap. How dare they try to survive on sidewalks that we paved over and dotted with giant metal & glass buildings. The little jerks!

Give the little guy some coffee and see what happens.

Susie said...

HAHA a squirrel who eats quiche! That is serioulsy amazing. Maybe you should start cooking for him :)

Meg said...

In the words of Sex and the City, a squirrel is just a rat in a cuter outfit.

Carleen Brice said...

Here in Denver, squirrels exist to spread bubonic plague. Which makes life more interesting when you have a cat that takes hunting VERY seriously.

kim said...

Has anyone said it yet? Real squirresl don't eat quiche. Ha!

I had one blow up our transformer a couple of years ago. Yeah, I heard this LOUD bang and then all the power went out. I thought the whole block blew up. While on the phone with the electric company, I went outside to investigate if neighbors had power and that's when I saw "the smoking squirrel".

Poor critter wasn't going to make it home for dinner that day. He had been walking the power line and something that should have had a cover on it, didn't, and that was the end of that guy -- instant squirrel sear.

crazy.

kim said...

I swear I didn't notice your title to this post when I made my little joke -- derp!

Maybe your squirrel is one of them metro-sexual types.