My dishes are falling apart. You'd think that would only happen if we were using them on a consistent, demanding basis, churning out the tasty options from Rachel Ray and Paula Deen with some sort of regularity. That, unfortunately, is not the case. And yet my dishes all look like somebody punched them, with ugly cracks in the glaze that turn a appalling shade of brownish gray when subjected to the heat or chill of actual food. Apparently, Steve and I must have been shopping in the "for decorative use only" section of Crate & Barrel when we made this choice. Except that we weren't; I checked.
We've learned to live with this. We're not fancy people, and a healthy serving of pasta covers most of the cracks right up. But this morning, things took a turn for the worse. I poured that all-important first cup of coffee, only to see my beloved, precious liquid seep out from a crack in the side of the mug, leak across the counter, and spill onto the floor. THAT DOG licked it up; she's been pacing ever since.
There, in my morning haze, the only two lines I remember from law school contracts class surged to the top of my brain (excited to finally--finally!-- be put to use): "What about the implied warranty of merchantability? " I demanded. "And it's all-important sidekick, the implied warranty of fitness for a particular purpose?" Clearly, C&B should have known that I was buying these mugs to hold coffee, and it doesn't seem to be too much to ask that their product be up for the task.
(That's right, folks: ten years after such quick legal thinking might have been helpful, mine kicks in. That's $100,000 well spent, if you ask me.)
Of course, the mere fact that I've linked to Wikipedia to explain what these two warranties mean makes it rather clear that I'm unlikely to take legal action over my disappointing dishes. I'm not sure what I'll do, actually, other than swing by Target later today to buy a new coffee mug. (Gotta keep the basics covered before moving on to the bigger issues.)
I'd write more, but THAT DOG is jumping back and forth across my lap in a caffeinated frenzy. Thanks Crate & Barrel. The next time my young & exuberant niece and nephew come to visit, we'll be stopping by one of your showrooms to say hello. Count on it :)