I didn't find the quintessential book on making it work "even after," but I found this article in the NYT implying that lots of couples do.
Not sure if this is happy news, or sad? I wish the article went deeper, explaining not just WHY betrayed spouses stay (children, finances, complications in disentangling lives) but HOW.
I'm 100% for making marriages work whenever possible. But I'd love to hear from the trenches how people are doing it.
(Random passing thought: has anyone read Elizabeth Edward's latest book? Does she talk about this?)
Thanks for your help with this, everyone! And to pay you back for all your recommendations...
I'm speed reading EAST OF EDEN by John Steinbeck for a talk I'm giving tomorrow. It's one of the best novels I've ever read (and one of the few about which I've ever agreed with Oprah). AND it has the added bonus of being a classic, so you can feel proud of yourself for reading it ;)
2 comments:
I can tell you, as a wife betrayed and abandoned, I would have worked on fixing my marriage. I would have taken him back. I'd even say that - if he became a real man that put God first - I'd even consider it at this late date (2+ yrs after the fact).
So I understand why some people would want to make it work. But the sad part is how many people will make it "work" for all the wrong reasons (fear of being a single parent - fear of being alone - fear of the stigma - fear of having to start all over with someone else, etc).
Blah blah blah.
I'm shocked at my own reactions to betrayal. The old tough me would have told you I'd kick anyone to the curb that hurt me like that. But I didn't count on the strength of commitment or family bond. There is a lot to be said for that. And commitment can overcome quite a lot of horror.
Having said that, there are certain things I wouldn't stick around for. Abuse, being abandoned, the list goes on.
Don't know if I'm off subject here. Just sharing.
Most of the reviews of Edward's book have been along these lines:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jane-podesta/elizabeth-edwards-cant-ha_b_206073.html
So I think that's a 'no'.
(And I have few anecdotes and a handful of mostly pertinent personal experiences that I would be happy to share privately, if you'd like.)
On another topic: I've had a few occasions I've agreed with Oprah lately. Have you read Beloved? Or, on the slightly less heavy side, Midwives? I may not run to read every book Oprah suggests, but I no longer shun them solely for their shiny stickered boasts on the cover.
Post a Comment