I'm feeling a bit bah-humbuggy about Christmas. I'm mourning the loss of the Christmases of my childhood, when my family gave gifts large and small that said all sorts of things about us (not the least of which was "you need new socks & underwear") but where the primary message was, "I know you enough to know how much you'll enjoy this..."
I'm not sure I know anybody that well anymore, which seems like a huge loss.
Certainly, ideas for gifts have crossed my mind. But I've lost my confidence. Perhaps it's because Steve and I moved twice in the span of four months this year, which made me aware of every item I own and what it feels like to haul them up and down several flights of stairs. Or maybe it's the ongoing refrain that's so prevelent now, where we all lament the accumulation of stuff in our lives and how hard it is to control, manage, or organize. Whatever the source, I'm left with this awful fear: if I buy you a gift, and it's not something you really, really like, haven't I just burdened you with more stuff?
I'm pretty sure that's not the spirit of the season, no matter where you fall on the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza continuum. So I'm fighting back. Today, I will listen to Christmas carols. I will contemplate where our decorations might fit in this new apartment and not worry that my efforts won't be worthy of the Good Housekeeping seal of approval. And most importantly (and this is the promise I'm most determined to keep) I will buy someone a present and take the risk of "burdening" them with more stuff, trusting that the idea that I was thinking of them today as I wandered around out in the world will mean something.
How are you feeling about the holidays this year?