Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Basic rules for driving in Boston

(This just in from my brother-in-law. These would be far less funny if they weren't entirely true. Welcome to our world...)

BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN BOSTON (subject to change at any time):

1. Geography. Here's what you need to know: The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury. Due north of the center we find the South End. This is not to be confused with South Boston, which lies directly east from the South End. North of the South End is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End. Backbay was filled in years ago.

2. When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.

3. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.

4. The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Do whatever you must to grab it.

5. Double park in the North End of Boston, unless triple parking is available.

6. Learn to swerve abruptly. Boston is the home of slalom driving, thanks to the Registry of Motor Vehicles, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

7. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork.

8. Always look both ways when running a red light.

9. Honk your horn the instant the light changes.

10. Breakdown lanes are not for breaking down, but for speeding, especially during rush hour.

11. Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in.

12. Making eye contact revokes your right of way.

13. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.

14. Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps in the road, speed up loudly and
chase him back up on the curb.

I'm sure that our local department of tourism is having these made up into an inspiring commercial just in time for summer tourist season. Welcome to New England!


Beth said...

So funny! I love #14 about speeding up and chasing the pedestrian back to the curb!

This list will definitley come in handing as a future reference tool if I ever drive in Boston. Thanks!

Heather Harper said...

I'm a native Oklahoman, but I lived in the North Shore for a year.

This list is scary and accurate. And very funny.

Stacy said...

Those are fabulous! I'm ready to plan my trip to Massachusetts. I think I'll fit right in.

Alyssa Goodnight said...

What a coincidence! We have many of those same rules here in Houston!

Thomas said...

I wonder how these guys compare to the drivers in Seattle. I was almost killed twice before 10:00 this morning.

ellesappelle said...

That's hilarious! If only I could visit.

Jenster said...

This is important information as we're hoping to make our first visit to Boston in the very near future! I'll have to print this out and take it with us so we'll know what to do.

Thank you for providing this vital service. LOL

Holly Kennedy said...

Wow! These sound much like the rules we have here in Canada.

Too funny.
I, too, loved #14 best.

P.S. I finally updated my blog roll (it's been MONTHS since I've done so) and added yours to it. :)

LEstes65 said...

Hahahahahaha! I sure don't miss my drives from Boston down to Warwick. I think too many people watch Nascar and think that's how they're supposed to drive. That and all the damned commercials that show insane driving while displaying 3 point font at the bottom of the screen saying "Professional driver on closed course with nine ambulances and six firetrucks standing by. Do not attempt."

JenKneeBee said...

yikes! guess this means i should stop complaining about drivers anywhere else.

Tena said...

Wisconsin drivers like to flame Illinois drivers for going too fast, but I never saw a Wisconsin driver who didn't cling to the left lane like life itself.

Enjoyed reading your posts, Trish!