(This just in from my brother-in-law. These would be far less funny if they weren't entirely true. Welcome to our world...)
BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN BOSTON (subject to change at any time):
1. Geography. Here's what you need to know: The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury. Due north of the center we find the South End. This is not to be confused with South Boston, which lies directly east from the South End. North of the South End is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End. Backbay was filled in years ago.
2. When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.
3. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
4. The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Do whatever you must to grab it.
5. Double park in the North End of Boston, unless triple parking is available.
6. Learn to swerve abruptly. Boston is the home of slalom driving, thanks to the Registry of Motor Vehicles, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
7. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork.
8. Always look both ways when running a red light.
9. Honk your horn the instant the light changes.
10. Breakdown lanes are not for breaking down, but for speeding, especially during rush hour.
11. Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in.
12. Making eye contact revokes your right of way.
13. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
14. Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps in the road, speed up loudly and
chase him back up on the curb.
I'm sure that our local department of tourism is having these made up into an inspiring commercial just in time for summer tourist season. Welcome to New England!