Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Looking for definitions

Today, we'll start with a confession: when I put up the picture of Steve cleaning up my spills and splotches yesterday, I just thought the whole thing was funny. Embarrassing, but funny. But your comments made me see that more than that was going on; that Steve was appreciating what it means to be married to me - "counting the cost" as some might say - and deciding that it was worth it, even if we'll never be a wall-to-wall white carpet kind of couple. Thank you for the reminder :)

It came at a good time. As your comments trickled in, I was hip-deep in books about failed or failing relationships. I'm working on the proposal for Book #2 again, specifically a chapter about disappointment and betrayal (which is approximately as much fun as having a cavity filled. Necessary - even interesting at times. But not the most delightful way to spend an afternoon). I got all snarled up in a book about a woman who left her husband for a year to find herself, as if you can ever have a "self" wholly apart from the person you're married to, be he good, bad, or somewhere in between. (I know that isn't the prevailing sentiment in women's studies these days, but in my experience at least, if you're sharing a bed, a refrigerator, a mailbox and a TV remote control with a man you've pledged to love, honor, and cherish in sickness and in health, you're sufficiently intertwined that individuality becomes an almost silly notion. You can find your talents, your dreams, even your fabulosity, but you probably can't find your "self"). Anyway...

It made me wonder (to take us back to a happy place), what do we mean when we think of being loved, honored, cherished? What does that look like? For me (and I never would have guessed this), it looks like a man with a bottle of Multi-Purpose cleaner and a paper towel, seeing where his wife spent the day and laughing about it.

What does it (or might it) look like for you?


mcewen said...

Someone who will feed you with a pippet when your teeth aren't working, but yours works too.
Best wishes

Beth said...

For me, it means someone who will hold my hand when we cross a street, someone who will play with my hair as I fall asleep, someone who will catch a mouse if
I ever had one in my house, someone who will get to know my family and let me get to know his. I could go on about this subject forever.

L Sass said...

My boyfriend holds me accountable for the goals I set for myself--whether its marathon training or applying to grad school. He's always gentle about it, but he doesn't let me off the hook either! It makes me feel like the things that I wanted for myself (as an individual) are now team efforts. It's a great feeling.

Anonymous said...

For me, it's someone who 'gets' me. Who is in my corner, who lets me be who I am and allows me to see the real him.

appletini said...

I think that you stated it well "a man with a bottle of multipurpose cleaner and a paper towel, seeing where his wife spent the day and laughing about it"
I read three different things here:

LEstes65 said...

I thought it looked like future ex. And it did for a long time.

For me...hmmm...I think right now it means someone who is committed enough to our union or marriage that he will hang on during those times where he might question whether he loves me or when he might feel like he can never be happy with me. He'll hold on tight and pester God to save it. And he'll listen for God's advice. And he won't let go no matter what.

Thought I had that. But looking back, I know I was kidding myself.

But I will have that. Oh I WILL have that.