Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Ambushed


So I was standing in my living room the other day, flipping through a library book to confirm that yes, it was indeed overdue (am I allowed to request that the $2.50 I owe in fines be applied towards specific books for the collection???) and the card you see to the left fell out. It's a bunch of cartoon rock stars, along with John Wayne. "What do all these people have in common?" it asks.

I turned the card over, I found out: They are all dead. As I could be, the card went on to say, any moment now. It even quoted the song, Miss American Pie: This could be the day that you die! Then it transitioned a bit, telling me I was far worse than a bad library patron; that I was, quite probably, a lying, cheating, adulterer at heart who needed to smarten up about Jesus, buy a Bible, and do what it said. Charming, really. As you can imagine, this changed my life.

Or not. It did, however, change my book. I sat my pajama-clad butt down and typed out a BIG disclaimer, explaining that while Jesus has turned out to be rather helpful in my seemingly endless quest to make my love life work, he never ambushed people. He didn't send postcards, or pamphlets, or sneak up on people and say, "Hey - in case you didn't know, you suck." I mean honestly, what was the person who hid this card in there for me to find thinking?

Okay, climbing down off of my soapbox now - thanks for letting me vent :)

On a happier note...thanks for all the kind words about my new picture! Much adulation goes to DEM Photography, my web designer Meg who figured out how to post the pic on Blogger, and the miracle that we got this shot before my allergy-fighting Benedryl wore off and my eyelids turned to mush.

11 comments:

Stacy said...

That's so funny. It makes me want to place random messages in all of the library books I return. The question is: What would I want people to know? Maybe Sarakastic would be kind enough to let me use her pork shoes story to amuse/irritate unsuspecting library patrons.

I don't think I commented on the picture yesterday. I, too, think it is a great picture.

Sarakastic said...

Yeah!!! I finally have something in common with John Wayne!!!

Patti said...

I am effectively stalking writer's site for the Holy Grail. Do you have it, and if not, fess up, which writer does?

(please don't be scared...i am only trying to find my place amoung the writery, as i am one as well...)

..and I may very well steal the card insert idea. oh the fun to be had!

Me said...

I'm not as black-and-white about strangers as your book sniper friend seems to be.

I'd amend the card with something that said, "Sure, you could be a better person...but if you weren't the person who originally left this card, you clearly could be worse too. Take a moment to ponder that today."

Beck said...

I love finding things in library books - I have a shoebox someplace of lists and cards that have fallen out of books over the years. That card, however, was rude - just like the Jack Chick tracts that some dude in town saw fit to hand out every Halloween!

Professor Howdy said...

Hello!
Very good posting.
Thank you - Have a good day!!!

Steph said...

This makes me want to go to the library just to see what might fall out of the books I borrow.

mcewen said...

Pondering as requested.
Cheers

ellesappelle said...

Grrr. That reminds me of when I was working at a library. I was shelving a book when it accidentally fell open in my hands [okay, so maybe I'm lying here], and someone had written notes in fountain pen on every single page condemning the author's style, facts, and punctuation! Evil, evil, evil.

LEstes65 said...

"Hey - in case you didn't know, you suck." Hahahahahaha!!! I'm thinking maybe Jesus could appropriately say that to future ex. But that would be spiteful. I'm bad. Maybe I need a postcard to fall out of MY book!

As for Stacy's idea, I think we should put random notes in books that say things like "Call your mom and tell her you love her," or "Eat some brocolli," or other useful tidbits.

Christen said...

My girlfriend found a $20 bill in a library book not too long ago. I was super jealous!