Monday, May 07, 2007

The Secret of Wife

I was chatting the other day with a friend of mine about her brand-new marriage. She'd just come from a baby shower where the assembly of women (some single, some married, some divorced) shared their hopes and dreams and fears and concerns about this thing we call marriage. Seems like we're all still sorting out how to make it work, wondering how we're doing and how (if?) our efforts will sustain us over the long haul.

Her comments got me thinking. I'm working on the proposal for book #2, which (I think) will have something to do with this topic. I love being married...but there was also a time, when I was married to someone else, where I understood with every fiber of my being what is meant by the phrase "Hell on Earth."

In my happy and my sad, the one thing I've always LONGED to do was to ask questions of the women who seem to get it - the women with sexy, fun marriages to men they really like; women who voluntarily don lingerie ten years after their wedding night and describe their husbands in genuine terms of respect; women who love their lives and aren't too embarrassed to let that happiness leak out a bit around the edges.

I know a few of those women now, and from time to time, I sneak in a question or two about how they do it. But my dream is that Book #2 will give me (on behalf of all of us) a chance to ask more. After all, they won't be MY questions...they will be for THE BOOK.

So whether you're single or married, I need your help:
Think of the future - and the marriage - of your dreams. If you could ask someone three questions about married life, what would they be? "How did you know he was the one?" or perhaps something more practical, like "How did you and hubby stop fighting every night over how much you hate that he watches America's Next Top Model?"

Post questions in the comments, or email me at: trishstevekylie AT yahoo DOT com.
Here's to finding fun solutions from wise women who know how to get to where we (okay, I) want to be. :)


Steve Salerno said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Steve Salerno said...

Here are my nominations for The 3 Questions:

1. "What did you think when he first took out the chainsaw and got 'that look' on his face?"

2. "Is the expectation of sex after every meal on weekends really that burdensome?"

3. "Would you object to his taking out the chainsaw DURING sex?"

4. (Bonus question) "Under what circumstances would you seriously consider wearing a diaper in order to drive nonstop to confront a perceived romantic rival?"

As you can see, I'm in "one of those" moods, and I therefore recognize that you are under no obligation to approve/publish this comment. I just thought maybe you'd get a perverse kick out of it. But then, I also think that Jeff McDonald is innocent...

Swishy said...

Hmm ... OK, I'm gonna think about this one a little bit first. But what a GREAT idea for a book! Love it.

ellesappelle said...


1. What are the things that you think you want in a husband that you should actually avoid in a husband?

2. What is/are the most irritating thing/s about being married, even if you love it on the whole?

3. If said spouse is a professor, how do you catch yourself one of those?

JustRun said...

Whew, hmmm... I am not one of those traditional "How did you know?" people I guess. I'd rather know what keeps people running home at the end of the day? What do you do when your husband/wife want's a guys/girls weekend away? How do you know when you're comfortable enough with each other to pass gas in bed? Yeah, those are more my kind of questions.

Thanks for visiting my blog. :)

John Elder Robison said...

Three questions:

1) How did you acquire your mate?

Did she choose you first? Did you choose her first? Were you both selected by a third party? Other?

2) What do you do to retain your mate?

3) What does your mate do to retain you?

kario said...

I love this idea. I think I actually fall into the category of women you're talking about - been married for 13+ years and still love him madly. Business trips and all (thanks for stopping by my blog).

Your blog is great! I'll be back!

appletini said...

Well, I would want to know.....
1) How do you keep the chemistry going after so long.
2) How they communicate
and 3) What they do to meet each other's needs.

I love you blog !

mcewen said...

Ask each party - are you willing to give 110%? If not, you're doomed.
Best wishes

The Writers' Group said...

What a great idea for a book! Just think, in a year or two your friend can give it as a gift for a wedding/baby/newly single shower.


Anonymous said...

I love meeting bloggers who are writing books! Congrats! I'm working on one too... Anyway, love your questions but I would revamp the first one from "how did you know he was the one?" to... "why did you CHOOSE him as the one?"

I think we, as women, need to remember how much caring for another person is a choice... it doesn't just happen. My next two questions would be 2) what would be your deal breaker (what would make you want to end the marriage) and 3) what keeps your marriage spicy?! ;)

Piddler said...

Two of my questions would be:

Are you a liberal or conservative?

Is your future spouse a liberal or conservative?

When we married, my husband and I hadn't yet defined ourselves. Today, (nineteen years later) most of our arguments arise because I get my news from NPR while he gets his from Rush Limbaugh.

Princess Extraordinaire said...

I reslly have been through the ups and downs of marriage and I love it - I love being married to my best frind and fun loving man of my dreams and I wouldn't have it any other way.